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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want the dc's to be allowed to open presents on Christmas morning without the il's being there!!!

136 replies

CherryPie3 · 26/11/2010 11:31

This is such an irritating issue between myself and dh so I apologise in advance as I need somewhere to rant!

We have 3 children, every year we have the sane argument - no presents allowed to be opened until dh's parents get there! Angry
When they eventually do get to our house (they live 45 minutes away) I get given the order to make the coffees and breakfasts for everyone while they observe MY children opening the presents that I chose for them, I end up missing the majority of Christmas morning and it's upsetting because it only happens once a year and this year (again) I want to be selfish and spend Christmas morning with just me, dh and the dc's there.
This year it's going to be a tiny bit different as our youngest ds is just 5mths old, I'll be bf'ing him so that restricts how much I can join with dd and ds1 but at least I'll be able to watch their faces.

Ive repeatedly asked dh to ask his parents not to come until afterwards but he refuses each tine saying it isn't fair to them, and also his grandparents were always there on his Christmas morning so it's all he's used to I guess.

Ok rant over. Sorry Blush
Give yourselves a pat on the back if you read to the end :)

OP posts:
Plumm · 26/11/2010 11:33

YANBU - tell DH to make breakfast and see how he likes missing out.

Mendeleyev · 26/11/2010 11:33

If they want to see them opening the pressies then they need to get there early.YANBU

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/11/2010 11:34

Is the problem that they're there at all or that you're doing an unreasonable share of the breakfast making. I think Xmas should be a family time, but by excluding you it isn't a family time.

At our house everyone makes the breakfast together, then we eat breakfast then we all sit down together and open presents all together.

onepieceoflollipop · 26/11/2010 11:34

Is there room for a compromise here? If not then I think perhaps your problems run deeper than this disagreement about Christmas morning and the ils tbh.

For example, the dcs are "allowed" to open their stockings, and say one/two large presents each. Definitely leave what the ils have bought for them until they arrive.

Have an agreement that the ils eat before they arrive. If anyone wants coffee/tea then they help themselves as you are busy enjoying your children.

Also set a time limit not just "when they eventually arrive". Say to them that if they get to you say by 11am then some of the presents will have been saved. If not it will just be the ones that they bring/have already brought?

Your dh and ils sound rather selfish tbh.

RJRabbit · 26/11/2010 11:35

Bit mean to want to exclude them, it's not that huge a deal to wait for them to get there, but to be given the order to make coffee and breakfast? Tell him to fuck right off for that. He can do it himself or they can wait until after present-giving.

Can the children open their presents from Father Christmas before the grandparents get there?

SuePurblybiltByElves · 26/11/2010 11:37

Open stockings alone. Make DH (the plum) do coffees etc. Get ILs there in time for the big presents under the tree.

Tell him it's that or a meltdown.

2shoes · 26/11/2010 11:37

yanbu
if they have to come, either make them wait for breakfast
or make dh do it

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 26/11/2010 11:37

I don't see why your DCs can't open some presents from you first thing, as long as they don't open the ones from ILs.

And you should definitely get someone else on breakfast duty!

Fibilou · 26/11/2010 11:39

Whose children are they, exactly ? Yours or your inlaws ?
Sod making breakfast while your DC open your presents without you. Maybe you should get them to open the ILs presents without them being there and see how they like the boot on the other foot ?

Cakesandale · 26/11/2010 11:39

I agree with onepieceoflollipop.

i think you are going to have to assert yourself over this. With any luck there will be no need for a row but just stand firm. You shouldn't be expected to fit entirely around the inlaws, nor to wait on them when they arrive. Just say how it is going to be and stick to it. my guess is that dh will do more so as not to rock the boat with his parents - which would be just fine with me (and is how it works in our house). It won't change unless you change it.

YANBU

Fibilou · 26/11/2010 11:40

Can I just ask where your parents feature in this ?

LoopyLoops · 26/11/2010 11:41

Well, personally I think ILs should fit n with you. So, if they are there by (say) 9, they are welcome to watch the present opening, but you won't wait for them. They or DH are responsible for drinks and breakfast.

azazello · 26/11/2010 11:41

Is it all the presents or could you and the DCs open stocking presents first and then wait until the PILs arrive to do main presents ?

If they won't let stocking presents be opened either they are totally and utterly UR.

Your DH also ought to be making breakfast and coffee or everyone should have to wait for presents until after breakfast. Tis only polite.

YANBU

LoopyLoops · 26/11/2010 11:41

Was going to ask the same Fibilou.

onepieceoflollipop · 26/11/2010 11:42

Cakes I have a lot of experience in dealing with demanding ils. Grin

The main thing ime is compromise. But also if they are determined to make unreasonable demands sometimes one has to stand very firm and be clear with them. As you say there should be no need for a row. (although my own mil enjoys creating one and then banging the phone down)

We have opted out of the games with dh's parents. We make reasonable suggestions, taking their wishes into account and if they are not willing to have a sensible discussion then they miss out.

Sitdownandhaveamincepie · 26/11/2010 11:43

YANBU but the must be a way round it - Give them a stocking and a Father Christmas present to open when they get up (we all pile into our bed and do that just the four of us) so the kids have something to play with - then get DH to do the coffees etc and wait until everyone is fed and settled before you all sit down and open presents together. Could that work?

DuelingFanio · 26/11/2010 11:43

man up and don't make breakfast!

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/11/2010 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamatomany · 26/11/2010 11:46

Your Dc's are angels waiting that long for their presents, mine would have exploded by the time the GP's turn up.

lucky1979 · 26/11/2010 11:46

Well breastfeeding is the perfect excuse, you wont be able to be up and down and getting coffees etc once you're settled.

Or if it's gong to be a massive drama, get some croissants and other such pre-prepared breakfast, prepare the coffee etc so all it needs is boiling water adding to mugs (or cafetiere/teapot if you're feeling fancy), then, when they arrive and say they're hungry/thirsty, pour boiling water into mugs, get DH to bring the tray with the croissants through, everyone is sorted with food and drink in under 3 minutes.

chitchatinsantasear · 26/11/2010 11:47

Have pots of tea and coffee ready (everyone needs their caffeine on Christmas morning!!!) and breakfast can wait until after the presents are opened. If they're hungry, they can nibble on a cracker!

Quenelle · 26/11/2010 11:50

So you have had to wait 45 mins for them to get there, but they've not been prepared to wait 15 mins while you get coffees and breakfast?

YANBU. Tell you DH to make the coffees/breakfast if he insists on the GPs being there. And give your kids an extra present to open first thing.

longdarktunnel · 26/11/2010 11:50

Why can't breakfast be done before they get there? They eat at their house, you eat at yours, then you can prepare (in advance) some bits to eat while presents get unwrapped - smoked salmon bagels, croissants etc. Which your dh can and should help you with. You could even make flasks of coffee if it's a huge problem

Stockings before grandparents arrive, obviously. Then tree presents when they get there. Sounds perfectly sensible and do-able to me. Mind you that's probably because that's what we've always done...

BranchingOut · 26/11/2010 11:51

I agree that it is good for your ILs to be there to see the presents being opened, but you should not have to be stuck in the kitchen while it is happening.

Tell them a fixed time to come. If they complain then tell them what you feel eg. you are fed up of being stuck in the kitchen and missing the presents.

Set out some breakfast foods and tea/coffee in insulated jugs. They can help themselves as and when.

Enjoy the family time!

altinkum · 26/11/2010 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.