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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want the dc's to be allowed to open presents on Christmas morning without the il's being there!!!

136 replies

CherryPie3 · 26/11/2010 11:31

This is such an irritating issue between myself and dh so I apologise in advance as I need somewhere to rant!

We have 3 children, every year we have the sane argument - no presents allowed to be opened until dh's parents get there! Angry
When they eventually do get to our house (they live 45 minutes away) I get given the order to make the coffees and breakfasts for everyone while they observe MY children opening the presents that I chose for them, I end up missing the majority of Christmas morning and it's upsetting because it only happens once a year and this year (again) I want to be selfish and spend Christmas morning with just me, dh and the dc's there.
This year it's going to be a tiny bit different as our youngest ds is just 5mths old, I'll be bf'ing him so that restricts how much I can join with dd and ds1 but at least I'll be able to watch their faces.

Ive repeatedly asked dh to ask his parents not to come until afterwards but he refuses each tine saying it isn't fair to them, and also his grandparents were always there on his Christmas morning so it's all he's used to I guess.

Ok rant over. Sorry Blush
Give yourselves a pat on the back if you read to the end :)

OP posts:
Deux · 26/11/2010 12:14
StewieGriffinsMom · 26/11/2010 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miggsie · 26/11/2010 12:21

I'm stunned your IL turn up for breakfast on Christmas day!!!
Fair enough if they were staying overnight but turning up for breakfast on the day, and then presumeably lunch is mad.

I get the lunch on, then we make coffeee and open some biscuits then we all sit down and open presents, you should not be excluded. Do a running buffet breakfast or tell them to make their own before they leave.

You are not running a hotel!

Cakesandale · 26/11/2010 12:22

Deux - i knew what you meant Wink

NeverEatYellowTaintedSnow · 26/11/2010 12:24

The ILs are being very selfish and should be seeing the unfairness of this.

DH needs to grow a pair and realise how horrible this situation is.

Basically you are being stiffed by all of them.

This year, you need to say that your children will not be waiting for the GPs to open their presents unless they are at your house by a certain time. Tell your DH you will not be making breakfast, they are his parents, he can do it. If anyone wants drinks, they can help themselves.

Bottom line, you will be watching your DCs open their presents and your ILs can slot in if they like, but things will not be centred around them.

CluckyKate · 26/11/2010 12:27

Why not turn the tables and go to the ILs for Xmas and bring the presents (unopened) with you.

When you arrive demand your breakfast and while MIL (or FIL) rustles it up you can indulge in watching the kids open their presents!

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 26/11/2010 12:31

we do main present from santa plus stockings in the morning then go to church, then do the rest of the presents after lunch, when visitors are there if we are having any - only ONCE did DH make the mistake of letting MIL hand over her gifts and let the kids rip them open while I was busy in the kitchen. Made it clear it was NOT to happen again

your house, your rules - and yes, you should get to see their little faces when they open things and not just be a glorified waitress

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 26/11/2010 12:32

YABU to object to the ILs being there (I would approach it more as saying to everyone "The DCs will be opening their presents at [such-and-such a time], so if you'd like to watch make sure you are here by then").

But also YABU not to tell your DH to go off and make the sodding breakfasts and coffees himself, or at the very least tell people that they will either have to open presents after you have done breakfast and coffee or wait for breakfast and coffee until after the presents are opened.

fruitful · 26/11/2010 12:34

Talk to your dh. Tell him you are not willing to be excluded this year. Ask him to make a choice between

a) telling his parents to come after breakfast
b) doing the cooking himself, while you are with the children

Actually you might want to be the one to talk to the ILs, if he chooses (a). That way you can make sure they have understood, and also that it is your dh's choice not to cook their breakfast.

On Christmas morning, give your kids some presents. I doubt they will look at you in horror and exclaim "but we must wait for Granny!".

tingletangle · 26/11/2010 12:38

I don't understand why your children cannot wait until after you have made breakfast for the family before opening their presents.

We have a big family breakfast, go to church come back and then have dinner. DD opens her present at about 4-4pm.

fruitful · 26/11/2010 12:38

Of course, another, slightly easier option, might be to use your youngest dc as an excuse. This year, you don't feel up to doing breakfast so could they please have it at home. And presents will be opened at x o'clock as baby needs a nap after, and it wouldn't be fair to leave anyone out ...

Next year, you have a "tradition" to continue.

But your dh is being a lazy selfish arse. He can still make breakfast for your family. And dinner, too, he's got some catching up to do. There is no reason at all why it should be the wife's job to cook Christmas lunch, is there?

KangarooCaught · 26/11/2010 12:41

onepieceoflollipop sorry, I wasn't clear, although ILs invited themselves to watch present opening, so really the whole day, dh uninvited them! (and I adore him for it)

It sounds awful but had my widowed father staying who'd travelled some distance, ILs have each other and are younger. ILs also have two small dogs that climb on furniture and are babied constantly, FIL dominates the TV, is a bigot, it's all about him and it's constantly "Kanga....Kanga..." so I never sit down & actually enjoy the day, like the OP I end up seething. We spend NY with them, take them to pantomime etc so they don't miss out.

QuickLookBusy · 26/11/2010 12:42

Really Cherrypie, why do you let DH dictate to you?

Its all very simple, just tell him you are not doing breakfast while children are opening presents. You must be the only mother in UK in the kitchen while your DC are opening presents. Its ridiculous, and I cant believe any reasonable person would want their wife to miss present opening.

I really think there are other issues in this marriage that need addressingSad

starfishmummy · 26/11/2010 12:49

i'd give the kids stockings in their beds - with small safe presents that they can open themselves (removing any awkward to open packaging,stuff that doesn't need assembling) so that they can open these when they wake at 3 am........
Then give the in laws a time to arrive - "coffee and croissants (or other easy breakfast) at x o'clock if you want to join us for that and then the children will have their presents at y o'clock. " don't wait for them to arrive if they are late, just start on breakfast/presents.

onepieceoflollipop · 26/11/2010 13:07

Kangaroo I meant that they had put you in an awful position, rather than you were awful. :) But thanks for clarifying.

my ils are always ready to be "snubbed" in their imagination. They completely ignore the fact that we see them on x day and x day and go to the pantomime with them. They just watch for when we may see my parents and get jealous. :(

Like yours, mine are relatively young and fit/healthy. They irritate me but overall I find it very sad that they can't appreciate all of the lovely family and other stuff that they have.

LittleMissHissyFit · 26/11/2010 13:08

Why can't you compromise, one present each before the ILs arrive, and the rest later?

Original poster
CherryPie3 · 26/11/2010 13:26

Wow thank you for all your responses, I haven't read all of them as I'm on my iPhone but I promise I will :)

The problem that I have is I want them to respect mine and dh's family time and wait for us to go to them like we always do in the evening. I don't want to have to spend all day with them - crikey that sounds worse than how I meant it. Each year we go out for Christmas dinner together so we literally are with them all day. When they come over in the morning the kids only open the presents from us, in the evening at the in-laws house they open the presents from them.

I can't remember who asked about my parents (fibilou?) but to answer that - my dad has sadly passed away bit even when he was alive he and my mum never intruded at all, they would wait for us to visit after breakfast when we started the family visits.
We have never left anyone out, I wouldn't want to do that as it isn't fair.

I just want the morning to ourselves, then visits afterwards.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryPie3 · 26/11/2010 13:27

There is definitely room for compromise here. Indont want to exclude them altogether. Xx

OP posts:
fruitful · 26/11/2010 13:30

Shock You're going out to dinner with them, and going to their house in the evening, and still they turn up for breakfast! Time to ask them which meal they would like to have with you.

QuickLookBusy · 26/11/2010 13:41

My ILs always come about 1 oclock for xmas dinner and they also stay for supper, but at least we get the morning as a family!

But for me the main point of all this is your ILs and DH think these arrangements are fine although you the DC's mother miss them opening presents because you are stuck in the kitchen. What planet are they on.

I would have a serious chat with DH [show him this thread?] Tell him this year you are not missing the present opening, no matter what.

KangarooCaught · 26/11/2010 13:48

Oh well, in that case I think it's about time new traditions were heralded in and dh got on board with that, otherwise how on earth do family traditions start?

Tell them: we're having a quiet family time in the morning together and we'll see you in the afternoon as usual.

Tell dh that's what you want. Foolish man indeed to gainsay his wife.

motheroftwoboys · 26/11/2010 13:52

My mum and dad are dead now but they always used to turn up late morning bearing all their gifts. We would have opened other presents long before they got there but opened the presents from them when they arrived. It was great, like a second Christmas. Breakfast? On Christmas Day? Not in our house. But surely they should have breakfast before they come to you?

Blu · 26/11/2010 13:52

Tell the that as you are bf a baby this year, it will be best if they come much later in the day - or wait til you go over there.

Whatever happens, simply do not make the breakfast while your children open presents - if your DH think that is acceptable then he is a total git.

If he is not a total git, ask him how he intends to ensure that you are not playing cafe manager / waitress while your children open presents? And if there is less you can do becaus of the baby, let it be less catering, not less enjoying your children!

TELL your PIL yourself - say 'I am feeding the baby this year, and I always feel sad if i miss the present opening because I am making breakfast, so let's all just do our own thing for breakfast'.

Blu · 26/11/2010 13:55

We spend Christmas staying at my parents house - but DS opens his 'santa' presents with just us, in bed.

skydance · 26/11/2010 14:25

Perhaps tell them that it's all a bit much with the 3 children now and you bfing, so could they just see you later for dinner.

But actually it's your husband that you really to speak and get on board isn't it, rather than them, he can then talk to them.

I would say YANBU to want some time in the morning just for you, if you're seeing ILs later.

Whatever happens DO NOT miss the present opening this year and get the croissants if they do end up coming in the morning.