to want the dc's to be allowed to open presents on Christmas morning without the il's being there!!!

[CherryPie3]

This is such an irritating issue between myself and dh so I apologise in advance as I need somewhere to rant!

We have 3 children, every year we have the sane argument - no presents allowed to be opened until dh's parents get there!
When they eventually do get to our house (they live 45 minutes away) I get given the order to make the coffees and breakfasts for everyone while they observe MY children opening the presents that I chose for them, I end up missing the majority of Christmas morning and it's upsetting because it only happens once a year and this year (again) I want to be selfish and spend Christmas morning with just me, dh and the dc's there.
This year it's going to be a tiny bit different as our youngest ds is just 5mths old, I'll be bf'ing him so that restricts how much I can join with dd and ds1 but at least I'll be able to watch their faces.

Ive repeatedly asked dh to ask his parents not to come until afterwards but he refuses each tine saying it isn't fair to them, and also his grandparents were always there on his Christmas morning so it's all he's used to I guess.

Ok rant over. Sorry
Give yourselves a pat on the back if you read to the end :)

Good grief, your FIL is 7 years younger than I am. I agree with Bonsoir , he and MIL should be knocking themsleves out for you!

Are you guys very young parents, then? Wondered if that is why the in-laws feel (WRONGLY) that it is ok to boss you both about and still think of their son as a baby. And could also explain why your husband still apparently identifies his primary role as son rather than partner and father. His job here is to support you over his parents and negotiate a fair compromise on that basis. Though this kind of situation is admittedly a v hard balancing act for most families, he is failing you spectacularly here, imo. The only solution is for you to go ballistic tell him very clearly how you feel.

Hey - who's in charge around here!!

First things first - you're going to see your kids open their presents - you'll sit back and enjoy. Hopefully, meanwhile, someone will make a brew - and it won't be you.

Enjoy.

Who is it that gives you the orders to make breakfast/coffees? Is it the ILs or your dh? Whoever it is, they are being extremely inconsiderate. I think you could compromise by accepting ILs will be there, but only on condition you don't have to do the breakfast etc while everyone is opening presents.

I think it;s fine for you to say 'please come over for brunch at 10am' or whatever and for your dc to have already opened stocking/presents.

It's just not possible to include everybody in everything and any reasonable adult would be perfectly happy to be invited for a particular time suitable to all parties.

The question is, are they reasonable adults?

40 and a GP! jesus I'm 40 in a couple of weeks and my DS is only 2.

I personally couldn't handle them coming round every christmas morning. I would say no to breakfast and you'll see them for lunch and they can see them open the presents they bought your children.

Or, open the presents with your children on christmas eve!, that way if they turn up they can still make breakfast and may take the hint for next year.

final option, tell DH you don't want to do it so can he tell them....

Forgive me OP but how can your in-laws be 40 and 41 and you say your eldest is about 5? Figures don't seem to add up? Either your DH must have been about 16 when he became a dad, or your in-laws were, or both?

Not my business, but I am really intrigued!

Re-reading the OP it says you repeatedly ask your dh that your pil don't come but he refuses. Not great that he won't compromise but setting that aside for now...

If you end up in a situation where he is saying they must come, and you feel you can't get out of it, then you need to set your terms up front: They can come SO LONG AS you can watch the presents being opened. If he says he can't remember christmas any other way (ie without grandparents there) then find out:

1. Did his mother watch him opening his presents or was she making breakfast while his gp watched him? Or was his mother and GM there to watch him open his presents?

2. Did he have just the one set of gp - were they from his mum or dad's side - when did other gp get involved at xmas etc

If his mother got to watch him opening his presents then he is not repeating the tradition of his childhood if you are not allowed to watch your children open their presents.

Need to get this sorted now, before the big day, so that it reduces the stress on xmas day itself. Even if it means that you have a big blow up now - best time to do it when you can still blame new baby hormones - and then if he gets at you afterwards for blowing up, you can say that it was the hormones that did the blowing up but that if he had been reasonable in the previous few years and if you had ever had a chance to watch your kids open their presents then you would not have needed to blow up, making it all his fault...

It does add up honestly - my dh is 23 and I am 25, tis my il's that v.v young parents although we were young ourselves.

I told dh this morning that I will be very pissed off annoyed if once again we have in law company on Christmas morning. I reminded him that our dc are exactly that - OURS!! I told him it just isn't fair to spend the whole day with them with none of our own family time. For once he seemed to understand although he did start protesting that he can't just tell themnot to come, by and by he has
agree to talk to them and ask them to come over just before we go for dinner so the kids can show their gifts off and we can enjoy a coffee/wine together before we meet up with the rest of the family. (The reason we all eat out for Xmas is there is so many of us, between 15-30 depending who comes on the day.)

Fingers crossed!!!! I feel like we may get a good result from this :):):):):)