to want the dc's to be allowed to open presents on Christmas morning without the il's being there!!!

[CherryPie3]

This is such an irritating issue between myself and dh so I apologise in advance as I need somewhere to rant!

We have 3 children, every year we have the sane argument - no presents allowed to be opened until dh's parents get there!
When they eventually do get to our house (they live 45 minutes away) I get given the order to make the coffees and breakfasts for everyone while they observe MY children opening the presents that I chose for them, I end up missing the majority of Christmas morning and it's upsetting because it only happens once a year and this year (again) I want to be selfish and spend Christmas morning with just me, dh and the dc's there.
This year it's going to be a tiny bit different as our youngest ds is just 5mths old, I'll be bf'ing him so that restricts how much I can join with dd and ds1 but at least I'll be able to watch their faces.

Ive repeatedly asked dh to ask his parents not to come until afterwards but he refuses each tine saying it isn't fair to them, and also his grandparents were always there on his Christmas morning so it's all he's used to I guess.

Ok rant over. Sorry
Give yourselves a pat on the back if you read to the end :)

Don't talk him round - tell him what you want. You're his family now - you and dcs. He needs to understand that. My MIL is just like this and I totally get the 'life thru a lens' thing someone mentioned but dh is a saint and we handle both of them together with a united front.

Are you saying the normally turn up at 6.30 or 7am on Christmas morning? That's MAD. Why on earth do they arrive at your house at that time on any day?
Tell your DH that you have 3 small children, YOU want to enjoy them, you NEED to relax and that you do not want any visitors until after breakfast.

Honestly woman - stop being so bloody PASSIVE!

Your house, your family, your rules. There's no WAY I'd be opening the door at 6:30am in the morning even if it was flippin' Santa himself! TELL them what is going to happen.

If you refuse to stand up for yourself, you really can't complain

couldn't have put it better myself, squitten.

couldn't have put it better myself, squitten.

This year you have got a reason not to be making breakfast if you are looking after your baby but there is no reason why you can't say that presents aren't to be opened until EVERYBODY is there - not just them.

To exclude you is outrageous - do your PIL like you? Or do they just like it to be 'their' family so to speak doing christmas whilst you are conveniently out of the way?

It's a shame that it has gone on for so long - but in lots of houses there is a 2 or 3 year cycle for xmas - eg your house one year, PIL house the next, your Parents the next etc so things don't have to be exactly the same each year.

I'd definitely start a 'You had it your way last year, this year it is my turn to have it my way, why do we always have to have it YOUR way?'

I'd also start brainwashing talking about it with the older kids now so that by the time present opening time comes they will know that it is even nicer to open presents when mummy is there too. so if dh/PIL try to do presents without you they will come and get you first, or moan at PIL or whatever

I'd also write your own note to santa to say that what you want for christmas is to be able to watch your children open their own presents as you haven't been able to so far, or at least to have a videocamera so that they can video it so you can see it afterwards - might guilt your dh a bit?

And if they do open them without you, work out in advance and practice in your head what you are going to say... are you going to blow up and get angry? burst into tears and ask why every year they exclude you and what have you done wrong, why do they hate you so much that they punish you by not waiting for you to join in with the present opening... sure you will be able to vent much better!

when you have kids or get married you start up a 'new family' and therefore have a chance t start new traditions. What you did or your dp/dh did as kids is now in the past.

What do you all want, not just your ils?

breakfast forget that just tell them the children got up early and couldnt wait.

Squitten I totally understand what you're saying and that is why i posted on here. I just wish I has the balls tp say everything I want to say, o know for a fact it would cause no end of arguments so I guess Im keeping the peace.
I have a very good relationship with my inlaws for the rest of the year and have no problem voicing my concerns any other time - it's just Christmas I'm struggling with. They're very young for grandparents - mil is 41 and fil is 40, I've wondered myself whether they view my children as 'their' children, therefore their right to be there on the day.

When I was a kid we never had anyone other than me, mum and dad - my siblings are much older and had their own places/families. I adored it and that's what I want for us!!!!

Need to talk to dh - it simply can't happen again this year - I'll end ip exploding and that will do no good for anyone.

Xxxx

Toomanychristmaalights - I totally completely and utterly agree!!!!!!!
I'm sick of his traditions and would like to stamp my feet please!!!!

Christmas in ou rhouse goes like this:

DC have a stocking on their bed to open when they get up. (I wrap the presents so it takes them longer {grin}) This hopefully gives us an extra hours sleep, as the DC always wake up at silly o'clock on Christmas day.

Then we go downstairs, where the main presents are and DC wait while I get a drink for everyone and then open their presents. Then we have a small breakfast of croissants or something easy.

By then it's usually 9-10am, so I can get the turkey in and start the dinner.

PIL live a long way away, one set (DH's parents are divorced and remarried) go to Goa every winter and one set include his step MIL who is so self absorbed with her own DC and grandchildren they would never visit us, so we're sorted. If they wanted to visit, great, but they'd have to fit in with our plans. Same goes for my Mum or Grandparents.

I think it's really nice to open presents with just us and the DC, so if you want that, then push for it. It's nice to include the Grandparents, but it doesn't have to be every year for present opening.

When you get the order, just say "After the presents"

Bloody hell - your in-laws are incredibly young - over ten years younger than DH and I !!! You've got YEARS ahead of this unless you get it sorted.

(Good thing about being older parents is that I no longer have in-laws ).

I used to get a stocking on Christmas morning, later a pillowcase. Presents under the tree were only opened after lunch, after all the washing up was done, dried and put away, and my mother had taken her pinny off, had a glass of sherry/damson gin and listened to 'the speech'.

We do it a little differently

YANBU. In our family Christmas Day itself is ]usualy just for us and our children, I have had my parents, adisaled frien and MIL there on the odd occasion.
Grandparents do not ned to see thier Grandchildren open thier Christmas presents. Although as we have a big family party with my relations after Christmas with nore present giving my parents have actually seen our children open what they have given them.

Cherypie. Your inlaws are very young for hrandparents. I'm almopst 54 and have 3 girls aged 18.almost 21 and 23. No grandchildrenon the horizen yet although DD1 is married.

It gets worse - it's not a tradition - this is something they started with your first pregnancy totally aided by your dh.

So they get your place at about 6.30 on bloody christmas morning in order for them to watch dcs open your presents while you make them their food? And you spend the entire day with them at yours, at dinner at their house where they get to see the dcs open their presents.
Oh for goodness sake you need to tell your dh this is not on at all year on year.

It's not a tradition - it's someone taking the piss.

Gosh I agree with all those who say you need to put your foot down and stop your MIL frombeing the boss of YOUR family...you and DH are the bosses and what YOU say goes.

Say no...let DH argue....refuse to budge,, it's a bloody liberty!

Their kids have grown up now....they don't GET to do ALL the nice bits again. Certain things are for the parents.

Gosh your inlaws are young . Younger than me and DP! I run around after my parents at Christmas because they are in their seventies and it is their turn to be taken care of, but they behave impeccably and I don't have a newborn.

You ILs ought to be running round after you IMVHO!

Set up a webcam. I thought they may be old and incapable of using one but they're much younger than me!

I presume they've no other children? I bet they've realised that they're very young to be, potentailly, spending quite a few xmases with just the 2 of them so they're imposing the rules now in order to prolong xmas to be just teh way they like it - ie extended parenthood but on much better terms for them.

Can't they come and stay with you on Christmas Eve? Then you can all get up and do the morning together?

But whatever the solution, I agree with the others - you have to be more active/assertive about what you want and create your own family traditions.

Ah, so dh is the big kid opening presents with his parents.

40 and 41?!?

Only 4 years older than me... You've got years to put up with this! Put your foot down 'we are going to church and then to friends in the morning so we'll see you at the restaurant'

We have the Ils round whilst the children open their presents. I don't get the bit about you having to make breakfast. If you explained that you would rather not would that cause problems between you and your dh? I don't make breakfast I just get a couple of bottles of champagne and we have bucks fizz - makes the morning go with quite a swing!! Then they go either home to have Christmas dinner or to their other children (none of whom have children) and everyone is happy, esp after that second bucks fizz!!

So how old is dh? 20?