to want the dc's to be allowed to open presents on Christmas morning without the il's being there!!!

[CherryPie3]

This is such an irritating issue between myself and dh so I apologise in advance as I need somewhere to rant!

We have 3 children, every year we have the sane argument - no presents allowed to be opened until dh's parents get there!
When they eventually do get to our house (they live 45 minutes away) I get given the order to make the coffees and breakfasts for everyone while they observe MY children opening the presents that I chose for them, I end up missing the majority of Christmas morning and it's upsetting because it only happens once a year and this year (again) I want to be selfish and spend Christmas morning with just me, dh and the dc's there.
This year it's going to be a tiny bit different as our youngest ds is just 5mths old, I'll be bf'ing him so that restricts how much I can join with dd and ds1 but at least I'll be able to watch their faces.

Ive repeatedly asked dh to ask his parents not to come until afterwards but he refuses each tine saying it isn't fair to them, and also his grandparents were always there on his Christmas morning so it's all he's used to I guess.

Ok rant over. Sorry
Give yourselves a pat on the back if you read to the end :)

YANBU how bizarre people think it's ok to boss you around in your own home! Time to be firm but fair imo. Tell them what time you're expecting them, when they arrive if the DC are already ripping into their presents it's tough a shame but nevermind. Oh, and they are welcome to make themselves a cuppa, kitchen is that way.

Don't get me wrong, I quite happily get drinks for guests but not at the expense of missing my DD open her presents. Bloody cheek! You're their mum not a servant.

I really like the idea of having Xmas stockings for dc's to open first, also I've literally just found out that mil is working christmas day from 7:30am. This either means they won't come or they will come earlier :( They have turned up at our house at 5:30am before, this was while I was pregnant with our first child.

Whatever happens o feel much more confident and able tp stand up for myself as I am truly fed up of missing the fun memorable bits. The croissant/bagel breakfast sounds like a fab idea too - will be taking that on board for school mornings too :)
Me and dh have never had a Christmas morning just us as I was pregnant for our first one and thats when they started their little tradition - that was 6 years ago and they haven't missed one yet.

I'm sure it will all come right on the end.

I wouldn't have answered the door at 5.30.

That's totally unacceptable to just turn up at someone's door at that hour unless it's a serious emergency.

And your DH needs to get a spine. If my DH ordered me to get coffee and breakfasts for uninivited guests whilst he sat around, I'd tell him to muck in or sling his hook.

You only had a baby 5 months ago FFS, so no way should you wait on people hand and foot. Bottomline, DH's Ma and pa so he should get them brekkie.

Just out of interest are YOU expected to cook Christmas diner too???

Put your foot down. If you don't they will walk all over you. Be firm but fair is my view.

What about your own parents?? Where are they??

5.30?!? they'd better not turn up then!

What time will she finish work, can you just meet up after?

Cherry if MIL is working Xmas Day then it lets you off the hook kinda. Hey every cloud has a silver lining, lol lol.

5 fecking 30! I would be bloody mad as hell, who does things like that? like expat said thats so unacceptable...i'm lost for words.

I certainly wouldn't make breakfast for them..whatever time of the morning it is, they have got there own house and presumably there own food.

God it sounds like a bloody nightmare for you tbh...they need to give you at least the morning on your own

YANBU in my opinion.

His parents had their time with their kids - now it's your time! I might keep a couple of things back for them to open when Grandparents get there but making children WAIT on Christmas morning is just plain abuse!

Yanbu. Your ils and dh are.

My Nana lived ten feet from us when I was a kid and she never came to see me open my presents.
Was never invited. Never invited herself.
I used to open em with my parents then later scamper across to show her the best stuff (which had mostly been bought by her).

Fast forward to present day. My Mum and ILs both come to us every xmas and stay Xmas Eve to whenever.
Christmas morning is an event with a full interactive audience.

However, I would absolutely draw the line at providing breakfast. It is strictly every man for himself.

Agree with everyone saying get your dh on borad he is the problem here.
Glad you feel able to stick up for yourself this year and good luck

He's supposed to finish work at 3:30pm but our dinner sitting is at 2pm so she's finishing early. I'm very happy to see them afterwards so I'll try and hint at them to wait for is later on.

Oh and they only turned up at 5:30am once - I think by my grumpy mood at being woken up so early whilst up every hour to pee put them off a bit. They usually turn up at about 6:30-7am now which is marginally better.

Xx

And I tell you what.

All these threads make me sure then when my time comes to be an IL, if I should be so lucky, I will never impose myself.

She's supposed to finish work at 3:30pm sorry, terrible typing!!

our children wait until everyone has had breakfast and the dinner is on.
We had to wait and it didn't do us any harm
That is what the stockings are for - to keep dcs occupied until everyone is gathered for champagne and proper present time.

Jesus wept, your DH needs to get his priorities straight here.

So they come and watch your kids opening all the pressies from you and everyone else while you skivvy in the kitchen, and then they have another special present opening in the evening just for the things which they have bought for the children?

That is outrageous.

Perhaps your DH should be the one running round getting coffees and breakfast for his parents while you get to see your DCs open their presents for once? I actually think that he is problem here, not your ILs - or certainly not just your ILs.

stop hinting and start telling!
Once it's out it'll be much better.

Make your decision and don't budge.
Either he does it all and you enjoy your smas
OR they come later.

FIVE THIRTY????

You are very nice but you mustn't let these people walk all over you any more.

Things will only sort themselves out if you sort them out. Don't hope for the best - be proactive.

Goodness, you have the patience of a saint! I'd have said something long before now. Your Dh sounds a tad crap if he's happy for his parents to do this, you need to get a cattle prod up his arse and get him a pair of new bollocks why you are at it.

Cherry, glad you're feeling you might have more say in how your morning goes.

What are your ILs like with hints though? Mine wouldn't get a hint and would put their own spin on it. .

I wonder if you might be better to be absolutely clear of your expectations, just to avoid any ambiguity.

You sound very patient.

YANBU! What a cheek to expect you to wait on them all and dictate when Christmas starts in your own house.

YANBU. Do you feel a bit as if your dcs are sort of peforming for your ils benefit? In a way, if they were really interested in the children as real people, they would understand that they want to open their presents asa(reasonably)p. My ils always saw my children as objects rather than people- for instance, I don't think my mil ever looked at them except through a camera lens- she never enjoyed the children's company, she was way too busy taking pics for her friends.

Now, as a gran myself, I arrive after present opening and get just as much fun from the gcs running up to me, all excited, showing me what Santa got them. Its far less stressful for my dil I'm sure.

Your ils really don't have to witness every last thing in order to be part of the fun.

Yes I'm thinking its going to be better to say it all at once instead of sounding like a whingeing old mare, definitely need to talk dh round first though - if I don't nothing I say will have any effect as they will just go to him and completely undermine me - they have done this before too although it was the common 'why are you waiting til 6mths to wean your babies' because those are the guidelines. MIL then says 'a bit of babyrice from 10wks never hurt my 2' [shock DH has Crohns Disease so I'm taking no chances.

Anyway, I can handle that niggle - I just don't leave my babies with her cos I don't trust her anymore (she was feeding my oldest rusk at 12wks).

Deux my il's understand hints but choose to ignore them and tell you to your face.

petrats I wish my il's were as understanding as you and all the other ladies on here!!