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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

337 replies

fifitot · 23/11/2010 08:13

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

OP posts:
elphabadefiesgravity · 23/11/2010 10:42

YANBU - your child - you say when she opens her presents. The adults can open theirs when they like.

There is no way I could ever get mine to wait that long!

We do very much what taintedpaint describes.

cheekyseamonkey · 23/11/2010 10:43

YANBU - everyone has their own traditions, but come on! You are entitled to yours too. It shouldn't default to the latest time automatically. I'd compromise and let her open her stocking and maybe one other and then make it an exciting game.

elphabadefiesgravity · 23/11/2010 10:44

To be perfectly honest if those were the conditions being dictated then there is NO WAY I would be staying there over Christmas with the children.

funkybuddah · 23/11/2010 10:57

We don't open presents until after xmas dinner, diner is usually at 12 so that the kids don't have to wait too long plus ask my work is done by then (we just have a big today, no starters or pud really) so I can sit around thee ready of the day enjoying the day/sweets/drinj and watching thee kids enjoy thee posts, I think it heros the excitement going a bit longer. That said they do open a stocking which I make sure has stuff in to keep then amused until lunch.

I don't think its cruel but you could put some good stuff in her stocking

funkybuddah · 23/11/2010 10:58

Appalling spelling stupid phone.

SkylineDrifter · 23/11/2010 10:59

But Quint there is no stocking!

fifi, to be fair, there's no reason why your child can't have a stocking. Are you sharing a room? Then put a stocking up on the end of the bed, fireplace or whatever in there and let her open it when she gets up. Nobody can stop you doing that.

Bear in mind if she does open all her presents in the morning, then by the time official present opening time comes, she'll be the one with nothing to open.

I think that in this case, you just put up and shut up.

SkylineDrifter · 23/11/2010 11:01

Aaarrgghh!! It's taken me hours to get through this thread and I'm replying to something way way up there somewhere!

Bramshott · 23/11/2010 11:25

"At inlaws there is no stocking and of course I can make her one up" - am I missing something? Surely if you usually do a stocking, you take her stocking with you wherever you're staying, and fill it with the stuff you've bought?

Are you certain the cousins definitely don't have stockings at all?!

Original poster
fifitot · 23/11/2010 11:37

How can DD have a stocking if nephews don't?

OP posts:
FreudianSlimmery · 23/11/2010 11:38

Well they are expecting you to keep to their timings with the main presents so they should compromise by letting DD have a stocking. Have you actually asked if they'd be ok with that?

EmmaNate · 23/11/2010 11:41

As someone said earlier on the thread, take her stocking and if anyone says anything say it must have been Santa.Grin

amatteroflifeanddeath · 23/11/2010 11:41

I think you (or) DH should tell your BIL that you will be giving your dd a stocking to open in the morning to occupy her until official present opening time and would he like you to make stockings for his boys too.

btw, I am loving how many people are saying YABU, surely a stocking and one or two presents is ok for the morning Grin.

Willabywallaby · 23/11/2010 11:53

YANBU

seeker · 23/11/2010 11:54

You can't possibly tell her to keep her stocking secret!!!!!

ANre you sure your nephews don't have stockings?

pointydog · 23/11/2010 11:57

fifi, YANBU.

Why not let your dd open a couple of presents (the ones from Santa perhaps) and then open family presents (presuming there will be some) with everyone else later.

This has nothing to do with greed, lack of adult attention, selfishness or any other ridiculous insults levelled against you.

You don't need to make a fuss. Just spend half an hour to an hour together with your dd early, first thing, on Christmas morning.

Rockbird · 23/11/2010 12:00

PMSL @ the adults making it all about them. If I wanted my DD to open her presents in the morning then open them she would. Christmas is for children and I don't buy the nonsense that we should be using it to teach them some mealy mouthed lesson about how lucky they are Hmm. That's right up there with giving a fecking goat. There are 364 other days of the year to make them into responsible citizens, let them have a magical day on the other one.

DD opens her presents from us and Father Christmas at home in the morning and everything else after lunch at my parents' and it's fine. But that's the way we're all happy to do it. If anyone wasn't happy with that they'd have no poroblem saying.

elphabadefiesgravity · 23/11/2010 12:05

Rockbird Tue 23-Nov-10 12:00:19
PMSL @ the adults making it all about them. If I wanted my DD to open her presents in the morning then open them she would. Christmas is for children and I don't buy the nonsense that we should be using it to teach them some mealy mouthed lesson about how lucky they are . There are 364 other days of the year to make them into responsible citizens, let them have a magical day on the other one.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

HEAR HEAR!!!!!!!

Ormirian · 23/11/2010 12:07

We do this. Always have and can't imagine it any other way. It extends the excitment of christas day.

We do have christmas stockings in the morning though. In bed.

Litchick · 23/11/2010 12:08

Each family has their own traditions in their own home.

But it is extremely poor manners to impose them at someone else's house.

Children undertsand this.

Christmas is about much much more than gifts. Even if you're not remotely religious, it's about being together with friends and family.It's about sharing hospitality.

I caqn't remember what on earth I got foe various christmases as a child, but I remember the long tables, the paper hats, the excitemnet when the pudding was lit etc.

ladylobster · 23/11/2010 12:08

I repeat again Yanbu, seriously, after the meal everyone surely just wants to snooze, including kids of this age, she's 4 ffs, let her be a child, your the parents now, not the pil, even at their house, they are just trying to stamp their boring authority on you
If they dont like it, and its one of your traditions, then tell them you will have to stay at home, the world won't end! Arse holes :o-

Ormirian · 23/11/2010 12:09

If she's up at 6 who is going to know that she had a stocking with some sweets, a few books and toys and maybe a DVD?

Litchick · 23/11/2010 12:10

But if you refuse to share christmas with friends and family over the issue of plastic tat (I'm being realistic hear), aren't you missing the point of christmas altogether?

pointydog · 23/11/2010 12:14

I don't like rigid family traditions with little reasoning behind them. I'd kick against it. And if some of my family members were inflexible with what can happen when, I'd have Christmas morning at home and go over later for dinner.

My family members are fine and dandy, though. We all enjoy ourselves.

Muser · 23/11/2010 12:20

Opening presents after the meal does sound a bit too much. Christmas in our house is stockings on waking up in our own rooms. We were only allowed up when my parents gave us the signal - which would be when we got too loud for them to ignore Grin.

Then we all had breakfast and everyone showered, and then we were allowed to open presents. We weren't allowed in the room with the presents as we couldn't really be trusted not to shake everything to try and work out what it was. Presents then opened in rotation so we all got to see what other people had got.

I love doing it that way as it does become more of a family event. If my parents hadn't had some structure my sister would have been up at 3am and have opened all hers before anyone else was awake!

Plus we always spent Christmas with my parents' friends, one of whom was born on Christmas Day. It meant she got a bit of birthday celebration before the kids went nuts.

I think the worst thing about the OPs day is the lack of stockings. Stockings are the best part of the day! There must be stockings. They must include new Christmassy socks and a satsuma, plus lots of little fun toys. I am 31 and still insist on getting a proper Christmas stocking.

TattyDevine · 23/11/2010 12:20

I feel your pain about in-laws though OP. There are various traditions to do with food and stuff at my in-laws that drive me batty but I grin and bear it - at least I'm not paying for it. When I'm paying for the food, I get to prepare it and eat it how I want. I just make sure they dont ALWAYS get to do Xmas - I make sure we have "our own" every second year.

Then when we go to theirs, I do their thing and when they come here they try to do their thing compromise.

Its what you do when you are in someone else's house!

It doesn't hurt to let even 4 year olds learn a little delayed gratification. People are forgetting how to do delayed gratification in our society. My car dealer was saying how people were paying full list price for a 2 year old version of the car I've got because they couldn't wait 3 months for it to be made. That's crazy! Same with credit - its why so many people are in the shit with their credit cards, buying on the never never because they can't just wait.

I'm not saying a later present opening is the answer to all society's ills, far from it! Grin But I'm sure she's a lovely little girl who will take to the "house rules" fine. Its like the jumping on sofas thread. Do it in your own home, but its never too young to teach your children "house rules" and this can be applied to Christmas traditions too.

I do feel your pain though, in-laws a for resenting, for sure!