To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

[fifitot]

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

YABU; that's what stockings are for, to have the early-morning excitement blip and tide them over to the main present opening.

You are guests in their house; do it their way this year. If it's so terrible to wait a few hours that you need therapy in the year ahead, then don't go again.

It makes no sense for Santa to deliver presents during the night and the children staring at them for several hours until they open them. Does Santa deliver a stocking to ILs house? Are you allowed to peer into the top before offical present opening time?

It does make sense to not open presents from relatives until you see them, but presumably these relatives will bring said presents with them so the children wouldn't expect to open them.

I agree with you. I'd be a bit put out too if I had been really looking forward to christmas away with family only to have just found out that instead of the xmas day I pictured in my head of playing with the children and their new toys etc, it would instead be a day of constant 'is it time yet?' 'no, not yet, just wait a bit longer' x1000
of course xmas is not all about the presents but to a 4yr old who has had a big build up of excitement to xmas day and has written a xmas list etc, its a BIG part of it!
The appreciation of spending time with your family and just enjoying the festivities comes gradually, not by banning presents until the afternoon at 4yo!

OP, I'd feel exactly the same as you, disappointed that DD wouldnt be able to jump out of bed and open presents with great excitement as is our tradition BUT I'd also respect the in laws traditions and perhaps agree with DH that father xmas would leave SOME presents first thing, that would need to be opened in her/your bedroom (to avoid upsetting the cousins!) and then just make sure that there was some stuff in there that will keep her distracted throughout the morning, when the rest of the presents will get deivered!!

Why on earth shouldn't the adults get a thank you, and the pleasure of seeing a child open something they have chosen? FWIW, we have stockings on waking up, then Bucks Fizz, film, walk, lunch, presents. Mine wait ages, but they also play with stuff they receive. Plus, it's not 'all about the children' - where did that idea come from. Because by that, most people mean 'it's all about the cghildren getting loads of stuff'. It's a family celebration ofa religious date, and even if you don't do church it's a big leap from that to just a materialistic orgy. Grow up, op.

I'm not sure quite what presents are being delayed.

Is she having a stocking? Does that have to wait until everyone is there? That would be a bit hard.

But of course you wait until everyone is there until you open presents from other people. How can you start opening them first thing - the presents wouldn't be there.

I like spreading our the present opening. We are having Christmas just the four of us and anticipate stockings first thing, then church, then a walk maybe then light lunch and presents and alcohol and playing and cooking and eating and presents etc.

At that age, both of my DDs always had to be encouraged to open their presents faster - they would have been quite happy playing with each in turn, and stringing it out over DAYS!

LOL at christmaszilla though IMO Santazilla has a better ring to it.

and EVERYONE is saying 'oh thats what stockings are for' etc
Are we the only ones NOT to have stockings??

We have one present from Mummy and Daddy, a handful of presents from Father Christmas and everyone elses presents from them but ALL delivered by Father Christmas overnight.

Putting some of those into a stocking and the keeping back the rest for later would still seem like going against the OP's in laws traditions to me.... It sounds like they dont want the kids to have aany presents at all until lunch time

plus presumably the DD will have presents from the OPs family - from her grandparents on that side, from aunts and uncles - will she have to wait for those too? even if that side of the family will not be visiting on xmas day??

What if grandma phones at 11am to say 'happy christmas! did she love our present?' and the OP will have t say 'no, we are not letting her open them yet!'

There really ahs to be some compromise here!!

As children we had
stocking onb ed full of tat littel things to amuse us at 4am
Then we had breakfast. Then some bigger presents from Santa. then laid out on the chairs were presents from aunts and uncles which we then opened.

In DH's house they had breakfast then all rpesents were put in a pile,with MIL supervising and each person had to take a present and open it - no one else was allowed to open one, it had to be one at a time.

Then of course DH and I do things differently again with the DSes

I think everyone has different ideas, that's proven when you read the different ways people on here do santa.

Stretching it out a little gives them far more of a chance to be aware if what they've actually received and from whom. With 4 DCs it would be carnage if we let them loose straightaway.
Instead they have Santa stockings which they bring into our bed and we all open together, breakfast then Santa presents, everything else opened after lunch.
Nothing Calvinist, just rather more practical.

And think about it from the point of view of the guests arriving later.
"Hi there. Oh yeah, by the way, we've opened all the presents already. Sorry you missed it but OP didn't want her DD to have to wait a bit."

grumpypants What about the presents from Santa, her own parents, her grandparent whose house she is staying in and the parents of her cousins? Presumably all these adults will have got her something and will be with her in the morning so why not open presents from them in front of them in the morning?

Its bonkers to suggest that children who open their presents in the morning don't play with their toys but if they wait until some magical afternoon hour they do. I always opened my presents in the morning and just yesterday I was doing a jigsaw puzzle with ds that I got for Christmas over 30 years ago. Why not make them wait until Boxing day, or 12th night or Easter if it is going to make them so much more appreciative? Frankly I like my dcs to be playing with there stuff so they aren't under my feet when I am cooking dinner for 20.

fifitot, I am sorry, but it seems to me you are too set in your own ways to enjoy spending Christmas at somebody else's house.

Thinking about it from the guests arriving later, can I guiltily admit to not find it all that enjoyable watching other people's children opening their presents?

This just reminded me, one of my friends had to sit round in a circle and throw a dice in turn. You only got to open a present if you got a 6!

"Stretching it out a little gives them far more of a chance to be aware if what they've actually received and from whom."

Thats very true but its not whats happening here. Its a delay, not a stretching.

We were allowed to open stockings when we got up (my parents would leave us to it and listen to our excited squeals from the room above) then they'd come down and we could open our presents from Santa. Other presents would be a bit later and would be done slowly and individually with one person (usually me as I always got a pen in my stocking) taking note of what was given by each relative so that we had a list by the phone to refer to when people called if needed.

I agree waiting hours to open a single thing and seeing all the presents sitting there would be so difficult for a four year old (it would be for me at 26!) but think a compromise is probably best/easiest. A couple of presents from you or Santa for her to open first thing and gives her something to play with while she waits for the rest.

Calvinists!!

I don't disagree with you entirely, but think maybe a little bit of compromise might be in order.

I'd put together a lovely big stocking for her to open in the morning, with various bits and pieces that will keep her occupied until the official present opening.

I do think it is a bit miserable for the adults to maintain their status quo, over the enjoyment of the children, for whom Christmas is so much more of a genuinely joyful thing.

But it's probably a good lesson in compromise and taking other people's ways of doing things into account.

I'd probably start preparing her for this now, though. :)

I do think some of you are being a bit mean to the OP, obviously we all do things differently and have different traditions, doesnt mean that any way is right or wrong.

In our house Santa delivers all of the presents, so if the children weren't allowed to open them till after lunch they would all be sitting there in a big pile all morning,that would be very hard for an excited child (and me !)

I would suggest you do stocking presents and a big present first thing and tell your inlaws you are going to do this in case they want to do the same.Wonder if your SIL hates the waiting too ?

We do stockings first thing and then presents either late morning or after lunch depending on when everyone gets here. We do this so grandparents, child free auntie etc all join in the present giving. Christmas,even in our non-religious household, is a celebration that encompasses all the family, not just those that live in our house. It is great.

Just explain to your daughter that you are going to do it this way this year so all the family can join in. I really do not understand the problem, especially if the hope is that the children will go and play alone while the adults get on with their thing (lunch prep etc I assume). It is a day that everyone does everything together and very special. At four she may like to do the carrots, decorate the table or just have the very very important job of stirring sauces. Let her join in properly.

(Before I get told that four year old should not cook I would like to say that all mine have cooked and used sharp knives etc from a very early age. In other cultures they might be using knives in far less supervised places than a kitchen...)

mumto2... I agree with you that we all have different traditions and there is no right or wrong way. I think this is what we are all trying to explain to the OP, but she disagrees!

The people coming to the house won't necessarily have presents for the children so there is no waiting for them. And there will be presents there from my relatives who of course won't be there. So it's not about the thankyous.

Also I am not flaming set in my waysthanks, am really happy to do what the feck they want, I just wanted my little girl to be excited on Xmas morning and to be able to open her Xmas presents!

I dont think anyone should tell you when she can have her stocking and I would make sure there is a stocking with plenty of wee tatty shite little treasures for her to be occupied with in the meantime.

I think its great waiting to unwrap the presents. My inlaws have always done it this way. You have your stocking first thing, then breakfast, then lots of Christmas carols etc on the stereo whilst the adults make the dinner. You sit down to Christmas lunch at about 1pm ish.

Then, only after dinner has been cleared away and the dishes have been done and put away does everyone retire to the lounge and the unwrapping begins. Everyone sits and waits whilst one present is unwrapped. Then another person gets one. I usually get the dubious task of handing out the presents. Any children seen foaming at the mouth have to wait a bit longer as I scrabble around and forage about seeing if I can find something for them. "Oh, never mind Harry, it doesn't look like theres anything...hold on...ooh what's this...oh no, its for Penny...oh wait..." etc

Its character building

Last time I went to my parents for Christmas (its a long way, they live abroad) I hadn't yet had children but we all stood around in our PJ's, rubbing the sleep out of our eyes and blowing morning breath over each other whilst mum thrust presents at us. It was all over in about a minute and the rest of the day we just sat around feeling dirty, like we'd had a regretful one-night-stand.

I think you know I'm going to say YABU

There is no bloody stocking! We have to do things as the inlaws want. That is the children get up and have to sit staring at a pile of unopened presents for 6 hours.

BTW - if I want to build my daughters 'character' I really can think of better ways to do it tbh. That is frankly laughable.