To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

[fifitot]

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

The child is 4 fgs and it's Christmas day. The adults can enjoy the point of Christmas. There is such pomposity on this thread.

Luckily my in-laws have the same tradition around present opening as my family do. I'm not sure what I'd do in the OPs situation. Never mind the 4 year old, I'm not sure I could wait until after lunch to open MY presents. After breakfast is plenty of time to wait. And there would HAVE to be a stocking.

We have been the wake up and devour em type family.

I think, this year, we'll do things a little differently.

The kids will get their stockings on waking (I'll make sure a main pressie is in there), then we'll have lunch and open the rest of the pressies after lunch.

I realise, from reading this thread, that this makes the whole day last longer and creates a sense of anticipation and fun.

Sorry OP - based on my U-turn, I think YABU.

Having read a number of the posts on here, I can now see that our Christmas when I was little was very much centred around presents. And actually, I now want to do things differently with my DD (who is only 18 months old so traditions won't really kick in for another 2-3 years, that she will remember anyway).

We used to have our Stocking (or presents put outside our bedroom doors!), first thing (sometimes as early as 2am! ) that we were allowed to open before our parents got up. We then had to wait until everyone was downstairs and it was then a free-for-all present opening session.

By 8am, we were normally done and TBH, I was then bored for the rest of the day. Usually because I got so much that I didn't know what to play with first. So we would sit around waiting for Grandparents to turn up, which would mean MORE PRESENTS!

I don't want that for my DD. I have 4 siblings so my DD is always going to have lots to open, but I might even try and spread some out to Boxing Day.

A lot of food for thought on here... and because of that, I now feel YABU! I didn't initially, but reading about all the lovely experiences that others have had with their families, it seems a shame that all the present opening is over so quickly. Go for the suggestion of a stocking with you and then I'm sure your DC could amuse themselves with their cousins until later on. How about buying a brand new board game that's suitable for both ages (4 and 7) that everyone can play aswell as a great kids DVD for them all to watch. The twins will be used to it and I'm sure will keep your DD amused!

I made mine wait until after breakfast, but they seemed to love looking at the wrapped gifts, sorting them into piles, squeezing, shaking them trying to guess what was insde:o

Def no stockings for the nephews first thing - they get them WITH their main presents. I may suggest we do that first thing as some of you suggest. I seriously don't think I would ask DD to keep the stocking secret but if she gets one she won't be able to resist showing it to her nephews so if they aren't given one - how can I let her have one without upsetting the applecart.

Anyway...........thanks for everyone's suggestions.

Exactly what Rockbird said! My DTS's are grown up now, but I used to sneak in a minature Christmas tree in their room late on Christmas Eve whilst they were asleep, leaving a couple of presents from "santa" under there. I would love the sound of squealing and the thud down the hall as they made their way to my bedroom at stupid o'clock.

We would then open main presents together in the lounge in our PJ's.

I've never done stockings for my two, and think it's a lovely idea. I assume chocolate, an orange, socks, gloves. Maybe a cool torch? A DVD to watch later?

I think it's always a bit difficult when different sides of the family have different ways of doing things at Christmas, because to so many people Christmas is all about the traditions, so of course the way you have always done things seems like the "right" and "best" way. Probably it won't bother your daughter quite as much as she has had fewer years for the tradition to become ingrained .
DH's family and mine have quite similar traditions - both wait until after lunch to open presents (although DH family then open all theirs all at once together, whereas my family take it in turns and watch one person opening). I would be totally gutted and very resistant if it turned out that DH family wanted to rip into their presents first thing, to me that is not how CHristmas should be, so I totally understand how the OP feels, it's very natural to want to do things your way.
When are you going to in laws house? Can your daughter have her stocking a day early at your house before you leave? Maybe tell her that Santa knew she wasn't going to be at home, so he came specially early for her, or something like that? Obviously she will still have to wait on Christmas day, but at least she gets to have a stocking.

When a freind of mine spent her first christmas with her inlaws, she has to wait untill after lunch for prezzie opening, anyway when the time came, she ripped hers open like a mad thing, only to look up and see everyone else carefully opening presents taking care not to rip the paper and folding it up neatly, she was morified.:o

Could she have a stocking that she opens when she wakes up. When ours were little that was what we did then the main present opening was around 12 ( we had late Dinners).
Even now we don't open the main presents straight away.

i would have thought is actually quite a civilised thing to do,and will be a good character-building thing to make her wait.I actually find the sight of unbridled greed- kids diving downstairs and ripping the wrapping off all their presents in a few minutes quite revolting.

wotnochocs - there isn no unbridled greed. My DD has always opened her presents in a civilised manner. This has to do with when she is 'allowed' to open them.

Also as someone else says if I want to build her character I can think of better ways to do it!

Lots of you would hate my parents house - we all get stockings (adults too) first thing. Then church, cold lunch and kids open presents after lunch. Walk in afternoon, kids have early tea (something simple) and then adults have Chrsitmas dinner in evening (about 7) followed by presents after clearing and washing up...
When we were young it was kids' choice of lunch - if we wanted to stay up for posh dinner we had to wait for prezzies too!
Of course, what ends up happening is drinking/ opening prezzies into the small hours1

Mind you, when we were small we were allowed one big prezzie before church in case the vicar asked us what we had got!

Fifi - YANBU. I think the whole Christmas thing is about the traditions we develop when we become new parents - and I think fitting into someone else's traditions is always difficult. I wouldn't worry too much - if all of her cousins are going to be there then I'm sure she'll be happy to be treated the same as them. And you can still find fun ways to fill in the 6 hours creatively - out things out for FC the night before and look for signs he's been etc - a few little gifts that she can play with to keep her going until the main event.

I have enjoyed all the smuggery on this thread greatly, especially the inference of 'unbridled greed' from wotnochocs. Bah Humbug :o

I think it's a good thing for your daughter to see that other families do things differently.

Definitely let her have her stocking first thing (you can put more in it than you usually do if you want) and then keep the rest for later. She will probably love being part of something a bit different and opening presents at the same time as her cousins.

We always opened all our presents first thing as children and I admit finding it weird that my PIL waited until after lunch. However, it was really rather nice that there was something to look forward to later on in the day. There's always so much to do in the morning too, like a nice long breakfast and helping to prepare lunch etc.

Go with the flow is what I say and you might be surprised by how much you enjoy the change. Your daughter will have a ball, I'm sure.

I think like most people have suggested - a stocking when she gets up then the rest later. At four years old mine were barely aware that there were loads of presents waiting for them to open on Christmas morning. I think DD1 was only really aware last year when she was 6.

If she's with her cousins she will probably be having too good a time with them to notice anyway.

I have had two Christmasses at my sisters house and I was just left cold by the mass frenzy of present opening - the paper being ripped off, the present barely looked at before being tossed aside so that the next one could be opened. It's all over by eight oclock - great fun .

My Dh would probably make them wait till boxing day to open their presents but we have compromised! We get up, dressed and have breakfast, then usually wait till the grandparents arrive ( they are ordered to be early!) then start opening presents - kids first, then everyone else. One person gives out all the presents - this is important to me because it was always my dad's job, he loved doing it, but he is no longer with us . Giving out the presents always makes me think of him.

Then church, and if there is anything left to open it waits till after church. It spreads it out and makes it more fun, and I think the children have more of an opportunity to see what they have got and enjoy it.

Merry Christmas!

We have stockings (from FC) in the morning ,all opened on the bed in our room ,always include an orange,a CD or story tape,a book ,some amusing bits and bobs from Hawkins Bazaar or similar,last year one ds had the yes/no game which they played all morning!and usually socks or similar.Then Church ,vicar always asks the children whta they have had so awful if they had had nothing(he always brings things from his stocking!)

Then back home for coffee etc,vegetables prep and GP arrive about 12.30pm when the dses open their main present from us and we have champagne,smoked salmon etc.DSs play (always make sure ds3 has lego or something by this point as he is then occupied) and lunch about 2.30pm ,we finish about 4pm and then do presents from everyone else .I always hold at least one back for boxing day

I don't see the problem with main present opeing after lunch but no stosckings in the morning would horrify me ,how old are your nephews?

Cruel? Cruel?

There are so many children who won't be getting anything or whose parent is very ill or who grow up in an abusive family where Christmas will be nothing as your child knows it...

Waiting a few hours longer for her gifts in a warm house with all of her family, cousins to play with, lovely food to eat etc is NOT cruel.

For what it's worth as children we always had to wait - my parents used to set an alarm clock for Christmas Day and we were'nt allowed to make any noise until the clock had gone off (usually 8am) then it was stockings in my parent's rooms and then nothing until tea time. The excitement was briliant because it built and built! We also had to take it in turns which allowed everyone to be involved rather than being head down and concentrating on their own pressies.

My in-laws have a present frenzy first thing and the one year I stayed there I was so disappointed as I didn't get to see anybody actually opening anything i was giving them -it rather spolit it for me.

Anyway, family traditions are all different and there is no such thing as 'normal'. I don't think it matters if you are being unreasonable or not - you're pretty much going to have to accept their traditions as it's their house. At least you've got plenty of time to come up with some good excuses about why you can't go to theirs next year!

We always do presents in the afternoon - it's much more fun, because we are always in a rush Christmas morning, with church, and then making the dinner. So after lunch we have presents, and we always do them in 'rounds' - so everyone opens a present, then we play a game, then another one etc. Usually takes an hour or so! 'Santa' (ds1 dressed up) also pays a visit to 'deliver' a present for everyone - this was ds1's idea when he was 3 and we've done it every year since, the kids love it, even though they know it is ds1!

So, don't assume that presents in the afternoon is a 'bad' thing - it can be lovely!

Stockings were allowed, then breakfast, church, some presents pre lunch, some post. Makes the day longer.

Also I don't see the problem in waiting for family members my inlaws always let their other gd open presents before we get there and I think this is completely wrong. Quite alot of the time the other gc is opening joint presents to keep at the il's house. So so wrong.

YABU though, it isn't really that cruel to wait, I hate the whole opening and chucking to one side. Just let her open one in your room. As Winnybella says there will be far crueller things happening this christmas and lots of families might not even be spending it together.

It can be hard compromising over such isses :) We do a stocking from Santa and main pressies, from us, after lunch. Then pressies from relatives as and when we see them. Many of my inlaws do it where everything is from Santa. It's let to some very cofusing conversations as an aunt tells my kids that Santa accidently left a pressie at her house for them. One son once told them that Santa needs a better list so he'd get through the work quicker . Luckily my SIL's with small children are all a bit flexible and we work around each other.

I think think it'd be perfectly reasonable to see if they'd compromise on the timings of the stockings. If it really doesn't seem worth rocking the boat for is there something else you can do where it's not so obvious your daughter has got to open toys? I have no idea what your daughter likes but would she find opening something special to wear on Xmas day exciting? A sparkly party dress, shiny hair things, princess dressing up costume.

Pressies from Santa in the morning will keep little one occupied (& keep it magical cos Santa can find you anywhere if your a good child!!), then presents with family after dinner - always worked for me. BUT, ex's family didn't celebrate xmas at all until we had children now they expect the children to go there every xmas - how wrong can you be?!