To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

[fifitot]

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

I am sure you can compromise. Open a few and save the rest. She's too young to have a clear idea of what is and isn't usual. DH was brought up with a christmas stocking first thing and then the rest of the presents (family ones) after breakfast. I was brought up with a christmas stocking in the morning and the rest after lunch. We have adopted my traditions - kids now think that is normal. But until the age of about 6 I don't thnik they'd have cared one way or another,

That's how my dh and his family have always done it and how dh wants to do it.

My approach has been to give all but one of their presents as "stocking" presents (which ends up being a pillowcase of seven / eight wrapped up gifts). Don't really give them the kind of things we had as stocking fillers when I was small as seems unnecessary given the other stuff. I make sure they get things that will keep them occupied (construction / games / role play) and that be played with by others too. So I get a nice bit of family time. One present then goes under tree (from us). So they don't then feel they're missing out and more presents later is a bonus as they feel they've already got everything they wanted in a way.

At inlaws there is no stocking and of course I can make her one up but will have to tell her to keep it a secret or not to tell her cousins or show them the gifts in it so they won't be left out. I suppose I could make one for them too as suggested. Will have to ask BIL.....

Op herein lies the knub of your problem.

You can do a stocking and you can turn your stocking into a large pillow case too and load it up with gifts...but you dont want too.

You are taking on your BILS children and how they feel, at the expense of how your own DD feels.

Who matters more, your dd or theirs?

You do whats right for you, at the moment it seems to take a bloody sack and fill it with gifts for the 4 year old.

How the other people are/react etc is not your business or responsibility.

There are 364 other days of the year to make them into responsible citizens, let them have a magical day on the other one.

Some of the Christmas 'traditions' described on this thread sound quite horrifying. Do some of you have a clip board and a stop watch to ensure that the day runs with military precison ? And what happens if an over excited child sneaks open a quick pressie ? Does the Queen have to be rescheduled to cope with the fall out ?

yes this is what I have been thinking and yes in laws also do a christmas like this, lots of clock watching, only allowed white drinks.

My family was always so free flowing....christmas always seemed the same even though dinner was never eaten on the dot at certain time....etc etc...so ridgid!!

I would like to think I would be able to be flexible enough to do things a little differentially when I am older and hosting GC at xmas... being so rigid

I agree, I can't imagine giving a monkeys at what time my grandchildren open their xmas presents. If my kids marry Germans and it happens xmas eve I just hope they sometimes invite me to share. If they want to wait until after the queen's speech I'll go with that. If they want a teetotal xmas I'd struggle a bit but will cope (and take a hip flask!)

More fun spreading it across the day. Dh German so one on Christmas Eve, stockings and one present on Christmas morning then rest after lunch. What a previous poster described about a ripping fest over by 7.30 made me clutch my pearls!

YANBU

We open first thing as well, they dig in, all you can see is wrapping paper and bows flying over the front room, I love it. I indulge them at Christmas, its the one time of year they get royally spoilt rotten and myself and dh love it.

I wouldn't go to a home that didn't open gifts first thing, I'd stay and have Christmas morning at home and then travel to in-laws for dinner.

And you will be giving her an extra present: to learn to appreciate anticipation and delayed gratification. Oh Lord!

I suppose waiting all of December and then some now shops put xmas decs out soo early isn't wait enough for a small child?

I am also missing this coloration between opening presents in the morning is some how a mad frenzied rush where you cant appreciate the gifts and play with them, then and there, but opening them at 2 or 3, turns it into a slow civilised affair where child un wraps doll, then plays for an hour, then back to lego, plays for an hour? , how does it altar later on? So odd, a child will open presents the same at whatever time?

Why dont we actually start a MN movement to stop our DC opening any presents on xmas morn?

We will all gift them the extra present, of delayed gratification and watch with joy when they unwrap the piece of wood and wittler on Boxing day....

I always had to wait as a child & it never did me any harm. For me the joy in Christmas is opening presents as a family & watching people's reactions as they open them. Christmas should be about family & not a mad scramble to see what you've got (at whatever age you are!)

Children can be ungrateful little beasts at times though and what delights them on xmas morning can be unpredictable so I've never put that much importance on seeing children's reactions to opening presents as you can end up disappointed but they can love it a few days or weeks later.
I think the "seeing their ickle faces light up" bit of xmas is over rated.