To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

[fifitot]

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

Don't have time to read every post as I still have an awake toddler but we were allowed stocking presents when we woke then had to wait for the rest, seems like a good compromise and it was the stocking that came from santa anyway!!

..

YABU. Our DD's are grown up now. However when they were children they opened their stockings from Father Chrismas in their bedroom with each other then came and sat on our bed to show us what they had. Other presents were opened later with us all siting round the tree. Only stockings came from FC and none of the children minded waiting it just kept the excitement of the day going.

RTFT

It's four years old, you see, what they call a zombie thread.

FYI when one "revives" a Zombie thread there's a prompt from Mn asking if one wishes to do so.
So I think its reasonable to assume the original new poster (thread reviver) knew what they were doing, making subsequent posts still valid.
Unless Christmas has been cancelled of course, or there's some rule (which there isn't) stating that Zombie threads must not be revived or commented on.

No there was no zombie warning and I've already said that twice. I'm posting from my iPad and this new interface sucks. There was no zombie warning or I wouldn't have posted.

But that's true - I suppose it might still be useful for someone who's experiencing something similar this year.

I'm just getting annoyed with this thread cluttering up my 'I'm on' line-up

I love the thread. Im glad you revived it.

The zombie warning goes after two posts

We did this when I was young.

I was allowed stocking and A few Father Christmas presents when I woke up. Rest after lunch.

It was torture

I would also add that my DH is annoying. Our DSs open pressies in the morning but have to wait for DH to drink a cup of tea in bed, get up, make a pot of coffee etc

However I also have a friend who's exDH's family all opened their presents by themselves, in their rooms. Even as adults. ??

Heh well that makes me feel a little better

I think it's interesting how strongly people feel about this sort of thing.

I loved christmas at my grandparents', as a child. Even with, shock horror, presents after dinner, as is the norm in Scandinavia. It meant months of anticipation, as I only saw them a few times a year. The wait for December to come around. The day before when I'd be excited and happy beyond belief and always found it difficult to sleep.

The wait on the day, while we all got ready. The car journey, which always included a particular road that was loads of fun because it's got loads of little very steep hills. We called it 'the bumpy road' and my dad would drive quite fast so we'd all get butterflies in our tummies. It was an essential part of the Christmas build-up

Then, once we'd arrived, little bowls of sweets and the little bonbon jar with gummi bears in it. The pretty little box that was always filled to the top with my grandad's favourite salty liquorice pastilles. We weren't routinely allowed sweets so it was a very special treat to have them readily available.

In the afternoon, settling down to watch the traditional Disney Christmas compilation show, which is always shown on danish and swedish telly. The happiest time, myself and my siblings all sat on the sofa with snacks and treats and watching all the best bits of the very old disney shows and films. My favourite was the one where Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse and Goofy go on a caravanning holiday. We weren't allowed to watch much television so this was also very special.

Christmas dinner. So lovely. All of us seated around the big table, my grandmother serving up all the lovely dishes. Everyone happy and relaxed.

After dinner, coffee and cake and the adults seated around the living room table while we children milled about and busied ourselves with interesting bits found in one of the many drawers full of knick-knacks.

Finally, dancing around the Christmas tree led by my grandfather while we sang hymns and carols. And the best song saved for last, Nu er det Jul igen! (Now it's christmas again) while grandad led us in a merry dance all round the house, in and out of rooms and back to the tree.

Presents handed out one by one by my grandad. We each waited and watched as the given individual would open and admire their present, and of course grandad would try to make sure the little ones were given theirs at good intervals so they wouldn't get bored.

I never felt deprived, in fact every time I felt it was just perfect.

I miss my grandparents and the lively family gatherings we used to have.

Happy christmas everyone

Zombie aside...

My parents would insist I ate breakfast on Christmas morning. Now I could have wolfed down a bowl of cornflakes in seconds but no, I'd stand and watch bouncing from foot to foot as mum cooked bacon and mushroom sandwiches which seemed to take forever to my little mind whilst my presents sat calling to me under the tree.

In reality I was delayed probably half an hour at most but in my child brain it was hours and I hated it. I can't imagine waiting until after lunch or even evening, though I suppose if it was something done yearly then I'd know no difference.

I never made my kids eat breakfast on Christmas morning. We'd sit around in pjs and open presents. I can't eat a mushroom butty now without thinking of Christmas morning though

I'm with you op totally. I was in the same situation and there was no way I was gong to make DD wait till after lunch. Fortunately mine were the first kids so there was no other kids traditions to take into account. I just said we're opening them first thing and got on with it.

We do have a later present opening session later in the day with other relatives though, which is nice and splits the day up. But they bring their presents with them and the kids are not tormented all day by a pile of wrapped presents. I also think its a bit a lot cruel to make them wait. Not quite so bad if they are allowed the stocking, but op I'd be feeling exactly the same as you in your situation.

I think the more spread out the present giving is the better really as small kids tend to focus on one gift and ignore everything else or find it all a bit overwhelming. I have a german DH so we start Christmas on 24th and the kids can have a couple of gifts before bedtime.This means they sleep a bit better and don't wake at 3am for stockings as they have already started Christmas. They have stockings when they wake and then have to wait til after church for presents under the tree and have to wait til after lunch for family presents at my parents. It is good for them to learn to wait for things.

Maybe the kids can wait but I can't

This is exactly how it's always worked in my house ever since I was a child.

Stockings are unwrapped by children first thing, in their parent's bed, pored over and enjoyed. Selection boxes get opened, books get read, showers get taken brand with new smellies, and new socks get put on feet.

Children obviously sneak down first thing to check the presents under the tree and the presents are sneakily peeked at, poked and rattled. Gift tags are eyed up. Photos are taken in front of the tree. It's beautiful and the excited anticipation is palpable.

Then, when everyone is present, dressed and in possession of a drink... the unwrapping commences. The children enjoy distributing presents to adults as well as unwrapping their own gifts, because of course Christmas is about giving as well as receiving. It's a lovely, convival atmosphere of giving and receiving, not a grabby 'now now now, me me me' flurry of present consumption.

It's lovely and I wouldn't ever change it.

Fifitot - we have always opened the stockings first thing, then the main presents after lunch - that's how my parents did it.

Could you do something similar - make up a stocking of small things your dd could open first thing, and hopefully that would 'put her on' until everyone is there, and the main presents get opened?

We've always opened presents first thing. I think if I was invited to someone's house then I would want to know their present opening ritual before going. If it was a presents late in the day then I'd probably decline if young kids and say we prefer to spend xmas day at home and our tradition is Santa brings the presents and the children open them in the morning.
It seems odd that you've only just discovered your husband's family's Christmas tradition after at least 4 years of marriage though.
A leisurely opening of presents later in the day is definitely designed for adults not children. Delayed gratification has its place but I don't think that place is Christmas morning.
If I wanted other rellies there for present opening I'd tell them to come for breakfast and arrive at 8.
Agree the stocking in bedroom is a compromise option and I don't think you have to do what your BIL does on this one, I think for your kids on xmas day different people should be able to have different traditions. He may decide to give his kids a stocking as well or you could ask if he'd like you to make them one.

not read the thread am sure its morphed into something to do with outer space and black holes and how op is resposnible for them....

but op, no of course its cruel to make 4 year old wait and for her - an exception should be made...its over very quickly and you want to really maximise the excitement, I would not be sacrificing this because of stuffy in laws house rules.

I would say its non negotiatble and either you get up early with her to open gifts or they all do up to them, but you will be getting up with her and going to open gifts ( they can hold back theirs for the quiet, sedate opening later if they wish)

There is no way I would hold my child back from that - has he been wonder - waiting for weeks for the big day....no way"!

different families have different traditions and you are making a nice bit of difference into a point of conflict.

FWIW we've always done stockings in the morning, presents in the afternoon instead of the Queen . It's just the way we've done things but if I was at someone's house where they did it another way I'd look on it as just another way of doing it - like if they had stuffing in a separate bowl instead of stuffing in the turkey.

And DD will be fine with it - it's just another way of doing things. Unless you tell her it's going to be terrible and they are really mean but she'll have to try to be brave.

Will the OP ever report back?!

Mackerel, your Christmas was mine growing up. I have step kids and was pretty taken aback the first time I saw their Christmas in action, taken directly from my in-laws. So we stayed with my in-laws. All presents, all of them, were from Santa, all piled up for each person in a giant pile, with a stocking on top. As soon as everyone woke up, and I mean as soon as, everyone had to run downstairs and simultaneously open this giant pile as quickly as possible. It was horrible. I wasn't allowed to have a shower or brush my teeth so I felt grim (have to do these things first thing) and the kids were literally chucking presents over their shoulders to get to the next thing. Stockings were pointless. By 7.30am it was over and no child had had to thank anyone for anything - they were 7 and 10 at this point.

I was very clear that it wasn't going to work that way in our house, and DH agrees that our stockings, breakfast and dress, handing out presents, which are mostly from US, and spinning it out till late morning is much nicer. It's not being pious about it, just more comfortable, and also making the kids think about each gift a bit more. Also it makes stockings exciting!

Honestly, YANBU. Who makes there kids wait to open their Christmas presents on Christmas morning! This criticism for the OP is quite frankly odd