To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

[fifitot]

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

Look, it is simple. Presents first thing in the morning is the lazy NON child centred option for parents.

Leaving the presents for later, is childcentred because the adults have to invest TIME with their children. This is what makes Christmas magical. Time spent together, good food, company. Not effing presents. Presents in the morning is a cop out! Sod the rest, when you have had your presents, that is IT.

It bugs me. That is NOT the spirit of Christmas.

OP - YABU

We had a family Christmas a few years ago where all the in laws managed to get together. One set of or nephews clearly had the same tradition as you and pretty much tore into their gifts as soon as they were awake. In a word, carnage. No one, except the nephews enjoyed it one iota - it was completely chaotic and they had no idea who had given which present.

Our DC's open their stockings, play with the stuff in there. Have breakfast and then presents are opened gradually over the day..

As for perspective that you thin this is cruel? FFS, you are being a tad precious and very selfish.

Child made to wait a few hours on Xmas morning shocker.

Read all about it.

Unspeakable cruelty of child spending Christmas in a beautiful home surrounded by warmth and love.

Turn to page three for the twins who only received fourteen presents each.

And as for what is tradition for your family, have you considered about what your nephews tradition means to them? Have you considered that it would be extremely cruel of you to not go along with their way of doing things?

Seriously OP - come back to planet earth!

Very wise posts here.

We are atheists so probably hypocritical for doing Xmas at all, but we certainly don't want it to be all about presents!

The idea of the kids ripping into the glut of presents all at once makes me a bit sad tbh

I think the ILs should be reported to the NSPCC.
And you should maybe divorce your DH too. If you've rowed over it, then he clearly agrees with his family and therefore shouldn't be allowed access in any future custody battle.

This happens in our house - spend Christmas at ILs. (Pressie opening late pm I mean.)
We get round it by giving the dc a sack of presents "from FC" (though eldest knows we're FC) which we get to open with them all snuggled up in bed. I tend to choose arts and crafts and games type presents for their sacks. They then get one token present under the tree from us and their presents from everyone else. So I see it that they get a good chunk of time to play properly with what we've given them. Dc always get spoilt rotten by ILs etc and I hate the fact that in the past it's taken up to 4 months for them to play properly with everything they've received.

Do you hate BIL and looking for excuses to spoil the day?

When i was a kid, my cousins and I had different traditions. I would get up (not before 7, and only if I brought tea) and go into my parents to open my stocking. Nana would come for lunch and I'd open big presents from her and my parents. Then we'd go to the cousins for dinner and I'd open presents from friends and the rest of the family. The had to wait for their stockings and open them with the family

THe worst bit was: in the evening, we opened our presents in age order. Oldest first. So, Gampy, Nana, Granny, Aunty, Dad, Mum, Uncle, Uncle, Aunty, Cousin 1, Me, Cousin 2, Cousin 3. That was torture, sitting with a pile of presents in front of me while the grown ups took as long as possible trying to get us wound up

We do the stocking for when they get up, with lots of bits to keep them amused, then presents while the christmas dinner is cooking.

This thread has cheered up my morning no end. Having to wait for presents could be disappointing/frustrating (or could be full of tingly anticipation).

But cruel? Bit of perspective needed there.

Is there such a thing as a Christmaszilla?

This thread has cheered up my morning no end. Having to wait for presents could be disappointing/frustrating (or could be full of tingly anticipation).

But cruel? Bit of perspective needed there.

Is there such a thing as a Christmaszilla?

YANBU I think its mean. Its about the children after all! The way round it, in my experience is for her to open a present (or 2) which she will want to play with immediately, and which will keep her occupied until everyone else arrives. If it needs building, build it beforehand. You want to distract her from all the other presents.

Let her open her "Santa" presents when she wakes up and leave all the rest until later.

When my DC were small, I couldn't wait for them to wake up and open their presents. The excitement on their faces while they were showing us what "Santa" had given them was priceless.

Their presents from family members were opened when the family members arrived during the day.

Have lots of photos from those days. Loads of paper everywhere, children in their pyjamas eating pancakes and strawberries.

Great fun.

Riding a new bike inside the house and crashing into everything.

Mmind you, this was in the days when they only received gifts on their birthday and at Christmas.

The fun seems to have gone out of it now because people don't wait for anything anymore. If they want it they go and buy it.

Children seem to get a new toy or piece of junk everytime they go shopping.

(Didn't mean to turn into a grumpy old woman)

I think some people are taking the word cruel too literally. Obviously I was exaggerating.

Interesting comments though don't agree with most of them. It's NOT about an orgy of presents, she doesn't get that much tbh. It's just about how I have been used to spending Xmas v how the inlaws have and I don't agree with their way. That's it. I still think it's a bit sad that a little kid isn't allowed to open their presents on Xmas morning and instead has to hang around waiting for some stage managed Christmas fiasco. Really - what does that mean? For me, it is about giving the children a good time, not with tons of presents, but just letting them be kids.

YABU

You are staying at their house and should therefore respect the way they do things.

In our house stockings are opened first thing in bed with us, and then presents when everyone is up and dressed after breakfast and opened one at a time, with everyone watching.

This is the way we did it as a family and it isn lovely, spreads the day out and allows the childen time to see what they have got

When my SIL came to stay a couple of years ago I was really upset that her kids just dived under the tree first thing and ripped everything open with a complete disregard for who the present was from. It was all over in a few minutes!

My DS will be 3 qnd 6 this year and cope perfectly well with waiting. In fact Ds1 loves sitting under the tree reading the tags and handing the presents out

I don't think YABU as this is the way you have done things before, but I think you need to make allowances for being in someones else's house and opening a stocking first thing will do that.

I also dispute the fact that opening all the presents first thing is "the lazy NON child centred option for parents" as Quintessential puts it. No, people just do things differently it's nothing to do with laziness! My children (ds 21, ds 19, dd 4 and dsd 12 when she's at ours on Christmas Day) were brought up with the same tradition that myself, dh, my xh and dh's xp all had. Presents are opened first thing in the morning with Christmassy music, love cup of tea, many oohs and aahs and heaps of excitement at what Father Christmas has left them. We all sit around for hours doing this and have a fabulous time. I fail to see how that is lazy parenting.

BTW Christmaszilla? That's not me I'm afraid. As stated, I have no big expectations and just want the children to have fun. The inlaws are more Christmaszilla than me with their 'concept' of mince pies and sherry, then a staged managed present opening and 'nice' walk after lunch. That all buys into this kind of manufactured view of what Xmas is and tbh I think it should be what you want it to be if you are not religious.

My DH's family also do this, it bloody odd and I don't like it, its very Victorian, like his parents!

I have tolerated it in the past, but now there are kids its simply not going to work, in my opinion getting the presents out the way first thing enables the parents to get on with other stuff while they play

So Yanbu, however I know why his family do it, they are the seen and not heard school of parenting and DH was probably always treated lik3 a little adult, on a no fin household with patents old before their time, but im not having 5hat and neither should you!

So dont go to their house then- stay at home and do what you want to do.

tbh their Christmas sounds rather nice. I suspect you might rather enjoy it if you got over the present delay shocker

Can you compromise? Let her open her stocking and presents from you in the morning, but say it would be friendly to open other presents in front of the people who gave them? If anyone asks, just say you like to stagger it because all at once can be overwhelming. BUt even if you are a guest in their house, what you do with a stocking is none of their business.

Did that come out right? ;)

Not going isn't an option unless I want to cause world war 3.

All this belief in deferred gratification amongst MNers is interesting though. Wonder where it comes from? Are you all Calvinists?

" I think it should be what you want it to be if you are not religious"
Fair enough - this is obviously what your in-laws want it to be. I love the sound of presents all together, lunch and a walk. What makes Christmas special for your DD after her presents are opened? And why is your version of Christmas the 'right' one and theirs the 'wrong' one?

Yes, they are different. If you are at home or if they were visiting you, you can do things your way. As you are guests in someone else's house, you do things their way - with a small present or two to be opened in bed in the morning if it's so important.

I can understand you not liking the way your in-laws do things, but I also don't think you are trying too hard to see the reasons behind it.

If there are presents from people who are to arrive later, they probably would like to see them being opened by the recipient. Meaning if your daughter gets a present from her aunt and uncle, it would be nice for aunt and uncle to be there when she opens it. Even if there aren't presents from the people who are coming later, they want to be part of that excitement of opening gifts too. The alternative is to walk into a house full of wrapping paper and children ignoring them as they are too interested in their new things. Wouldn't that be fun and Christmasy? Not.

You are being unreasonable to think that a 4 year old can't wait until noon. As someone said, they've waited for months already, they can wait a few more hours.

Not saying my version is right or wrong. I just would have liked my 4 year old daughter to be able to open her presents on xmas morning - plain and simple.