To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

[fifitot]

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

"Also I am not flaming set in my waysthanks, am really happy to do what the feck they want, I just wanted my little girl to be excited on Xmas morning and to be able to open her Xmas presents!"

translates to:

I am not set in my ways, I just want to do it MY WAY!

lol.

did you just drop your rattle out of your pram?

What is so wrong with a few presents in private in the morning, like an extra big stockin, and the rest later?

She will be just as excited waiting to open her presents (from a child who was made to wait and still inflicts the ame on hers as it adds so much fun!) I remember standing at the living room window with my brother waiting for my grandparents to arive at 11am and then dragging them intothe house to sit down so we could start presents; being told we had to wait till everyone had a drink and running to the kitchen to help serve! Magical memories.

When my gP moved away we used to open our stockings on Mummy's bed and then put everything backa nd go and do the whole thing again on GP bed!

But why not have a stocking?

Your in-laws can't forbid it!! Just put a stocking together and give it to your daughter in the morning.

Seriously - no-one, except for perhaps Ebenezer Scrooge himself, would object to this!

I think you can put a stocking by your dds bed and explain to your inlaws "dd has a small present in her stocking now, to prevent her from throwing tantrums when she realizes she can only LOOK at the presents for the next six hours or so. Just to preempt any unpleasant scenarious" and smile.

I love how these threads begin to descend into insults..............

It's not about doing it MY way, it one thing. I am doing everything else THEIR way because I am not arsed about it either way.

I need to repeat - there is no stocking, or little extra presents in the bedroom in the morning. How can there be? She would only immediately go and show them to her cousins who aren't allowed ANY presents til lunchtime.

In any event I know there is nothing I can do about it so will just have to live with it. DH can manage it all since he thinks it is such a great idea.

You know, your dd will take her cue from YOU how to behave in this.

If you make it out to be a bad thing, it will be a bad thing.

You just have to manage this situation, this is what parenting is!

And just a thought - if you sit sound huffing and puffing at the unfairness of her having to wait to open her presents, instead of getting into it, and making the build up of waiting to open them exciting - you'll only make it more miserable for your daughter, instead of something potentially exciting. :)

of course I am not going to do that - hence sounding off on here BEFORE the event.

I just dont see how they can stop you having a stocking. If you are worried about cousins, get a cheap one from the pound shop for them too and fill it with a pack of chocolate buttons and a couple of happy meal toys little trinkets you've seen lying around and if anyone questions it, just say it must have been Santa.

I daresay nobody will deny that it was Santa in front of the children.

Fifitot - if you feel this strongly about it, and it's causing problems, why are you going?? Can you not go there on Christmas Day?

After being away from home on Christmas for the last few years, I'm looking forward to Christmas day at home with dh and dd, and any of the other kids that turn up .

YABU

Stockings in the morning (insist on this bit - your family can do it in private if it ruffles feathers). Presents later in the day. It's gross for children to just rip through their presents first thing - it's not child centred at all. The fun is all over in moments and the opportunity for them to learn about sharing the experience with their wider family is lost.

I really think at age 4 she can handle this too. She might need pep-talking if she is used to opening her presents first thing - she might remember, she might not and it depends a bit also on what you do on her birthday as they tend to just have "present association" at that age.

They can't stop stockings, seriously, it is traditional, and you can say it is tradition in your family. Dont discuss it with them - just do it, say it was Santa, if you are worried about the cousins do a token one for them, once its done its done, and then follow their tradition with the presents in the afternoon.

You might be amazed at how well she deals with it and how much better you feel saving the uber fun bit till last.

Really don't think this is that much of a big deal. Your DD probably won't notice unless there is a massive fuss made and you could certainly get her ready by making sure she knows in advance that presents don't get opened until everyone is there.

When I was little we opened stockings when we woke up and one present. Once we had breakfast, everyone got up and everyone had arrived then we opened presents.

YABU sorry.

Wait OP are you saying the ILs are actually forbidding stockings? That's mad if so...

If you are waiting to open the presents, and are therefore you're compromising your traditions for them, they should let you give DD a stocking.

When we were little, my father chose to work Christmas morning (good money) so we'd open our stocking & get dressed and then wait in a tingle of anticipation 'til about 11am until he got home.

Better than the one and only time we've stayed with the ILs at Christmas to find they had opened their presents whilst we were getting dressed in the morning and then impatiently rushed the children through opening theirs.

Definitely take a stocking and let her open it with you in the morning in bed.

Does your DD have a stocking usually?

If the ILs really would forbid a stocking, then they're a complete shower of miseries, and YANBU.

Yes she has a stocking usually. Well she's only 4 so for the past 2 years she has opened it in her room and then we have all gone down for breakfast - usually have xmas at home and then drive to my parents who live nearby for lunch. There is no orgy of present ripping either. It's done with a cup of tea for us and us sitting cosy in the front room in pajamas.

At inlaws there is no stocking and of course I can make her one up but will have to tell her to keep it a secret or not to tell her cousins or show them the gifts in it so they won't be left out. I suppose I could make one for them too as suggested. Will have to ask BIL.....

I hate this.

YANBU - waiting until some notional time in the day before pressies is just plain posh.
DP's family did it that way & he is quite adamant that it made Chrsitams Day pretty miserable when they were little. Chrstmas presents are the first thing to be done, in your PJ's. at anyone making their kids bloody well get dressed beforehand!

And I appear to have lost the ability to spell Christmas FGS

Hmmm. I happen to agree a little with fifitot actually. I don't much fancy the idea of whiny children seeing the presents and not being able to open them after months of hyped build-up. The way it's always been done in my family is that we let the children have the stockings at whatever time of the morning they like (in the bedrooms), and hope that that keeps them occupied until about 7-7:30. Then the adults get up and the children are allowed downstairs. One or two adults (depending on how many people there are) will go into the kitchen to make tea and coffee while the rest stay with the children while they open. Granted, this is the first year I am actually doing the major child presents, but I plan to do it the same way and I wouldn't like it if someone wanted me to do it differently.

OP, I would do the stockings and make up small ones that will be opened by the children in the house you are waking up in. I think that way you get part of your tradition while reasonably compromising with your DH's family.

I think the inlaws' Christmas sounds miserable.

Op, YANBU.