Seeing both sides

[newwave]

I am a regular exerciser and tend to watch my diet so when a friend of mine who had not been to the gym for a very long time called me and asked me if I was going on Saturday I said yes and she said she would see me there. This surprised me as at one time she had been a regular but had stopped about three years ago saying that at 47 she had grown fed up with the gym and dieting.

Later I asked her why she was back and she said her DH of over 25 years had said: "I didn?t marry you to end up with a fat blob and you need to sort yourself out" bit harsh I suppose but she had ballooned from a trim 10 to a wobbly 16.

She told me he had been getting upset about her size for a while and admitted it was due to getting a bit lazy.

I consoled her said the right things but AIBU in thinking her DH had a point.

BTW her DH is very fit for a man in his fifties, running, and golf. Still plays football.

DH and I have both got fat together. So that solves that problem.

Her husband sounds like an insensitive arse and you sound no better young lady.

You wonder why she stopped the gym so suddenly. Maybe she was too tired, too busy. Maybe she was depressed or unhappy. Maybe she took up cooking instead.

Maybe she just had better ways to fill her time. It's not the Holy Grail you know.

but it is up to you what size you are

if you choose that actually, you want to eat more cake, and you don't really want to spend all your spare time at the gym then that's up to you

anyone who actually loved you wouldn't care if you put on a bit of weight would they?

you don't have to stay thin just becuase your partner wants you to

Zing, size 10 to 16 in three years is hardly "a bit of weight" as for passing judgement I will admit I have thought at times that she was piling it on but never even during our Saturday conversation when she was looking for my opinion would I have made a negative comment.

TBH if my DP porked out I would get upset about it.

AF, "something she hated" maybe something she grew to hate but at one time she was always up for the 3 hour aeorobic marathons and would often nag me to go to the gym when I didnt want to go.

Some silly comments, a row or nasty remark is hardly grounds for divorce now is it.

Well, I agree with him that for me I would start looking pretty chubby over a 12. I am an 8 now so have a bit of room for manoeuvre. I think it's perfectly possible to maintain roughly the same size throughout your life, my whole family have done it (without massive stress or exercising constantly).

I wouldn't mind my partner being a bit cuddly, I'm sure lots of men feel the same way

I really hate the notion that putting on weight is laziness or greed.

Maybe it is, but maybe not. I put weight on when my Mum died. I ate to make myself feel better.

And to be honest I've never bothered to lose it. DH and I take great pleasure in cooking and eating. We would rather spend our free time together with our small children than playing tag team at a gym.

I'm a 16 and probably fat but not obese and not unhealthy.

It's just a matter of priority. Maybe you should get ON your skinny arse and read a book

Fruit, "Young lady" I wish i was but the big 50 has passed me by not long ago. :o

I'm a bit torn on this issue.

For example, I know I look better as a size 10/12 than size 14 (current), I know my husband thinks I look better as 10/12 as well, but he'd never say it. Yet, I know it, he knows it. It doesn't make a bit of difference on how much he loves me, obviously, but still - my build works better slightly skinnier, else the hips and bum get out of control like now. I fully believe he'd love me just as much if I had stubbly legs and a floppy tummy - oh wait, I already have - but I do feel it's unfair to expect them to say they think you're just as gorgeous, when even you don't think so. I think most men just have more common sense than the husband mentioned in OP. However, I guess as it was the push she needed, he probably knew her well enough to know it would help her help herself.

It would make me stroppy, but then, that's my issue.

Also, for equality sake, I would tactfully try and keep dh in shape if he started living of chips and pasties too - for health mostly, but also to stop the slippery slope that both our dads followed!

Hahaha, just asked him what he thought on the topic and I've never seen anyone try to change the topic so fast. I feel sorry for men sometimes. We ask for honesty but don't really want it at all.

3 hour gym sessions ??

For God's sake, get a life (and a few cakes)

What will you have as your epitaph ? "She stayed thin, she fought that size 14" ?

I am 5ft 10 and size 10, btw, just in case you wanted to dismiss me as a fat person who really should just get down the gym to keep her man.

Dandy, beacuase she phoned me regarding the gym, because she asked my opinion, because she told me what her DH said, because she said she wanted to get back to how she used to be, because she remembered how she used to look, because she talked about how at 43 she was fit and fabulous, thats why.

TBH I was probably to diplomatic in my answers to her.

Well you're just lucky to be slim AnyFucker! Not so easy for everyone, some people have to go to the gym

I've put on about two stones in the past two years. COmpletely down to laziness and greed in my case

I don't really understand why you're posting then newwave, if it's not to pass judgement on your friend's size and ask if YABU. Nobody implied that you had said anything to her face. Bitching about it on a forum behind her back is still passing judgement.

What's so much worse though is that you can't see what a nasty thing it was her husband said to her. Or that her body size is actually none of his business as long as she's not killing herself with obesity.

By the way, YABU.

Pam, my point is though, that I would let no man dictate to me what my dress size should be

whether that be direct/indirect

AF, I can have the cakes because of my lifestyle. My gym has a 3 hour marathon as a sponsored charity event twice a year not every week.

My epitaph will be "I lived life to the max" well sometimes at least. :)

Zing, I was asking for opinions, at no point in any post have i "bitched" about her only expressed my bewilderment at her.

Hang on hang on.

Her husband said she was a fat slob.
You said you thought he had a point but were too diplomatic to say it to her face.

No no, not bitchy at all

How about "She was always a good, non-judgmental friend"

Being "bewildered" because someone doesn't share your love of something is patronising, IMO

What's so bewildering newwave?

Woman used to be slim, put on some weight, twat husband makes derogatory comments, woman wants to be slim again.

Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Some shallow attitudes on here

As for living life to the max, I wouldn't consider going to the gym living life to the max.

OP your friend's 'd'h seems to need a penis relocation from his head back to where it should be

AIBU in thinking her DH had a point...yeah so long as you also think she has point when she calls him a bit of a wankstain....she should lose weight for herself not because she was badgered into it by her husband...at the end of the day people change..I'm quite sure he does not look exactly how he looked many years ago and she still loves his golf-playin arse!

Fruit, being bitchy is making remarks not having an opinion, for example thinking someone looks awful in a dress is an opinion saying it to her face or to someone else is bitchy, so no not bitchy at all.

Asking you lot on here is not bitchy as i doubt I know any of you.

Chaotic "As for living life to the max, I wouldn't consider going to the gym living life to the max".

Quite right but the dinner parties, the rock concerts and festivals, the holidays, the theatre, is

Second thoughts...she should go the gym and find herself a toyboy, someone with rippling muscles who's good in bed and tell her dh to take a running jump.