Seeing both sides

[newwave]

I am a regular exerciser and tend to watch my diet so when a friend of mine who had not been to the gym for a very long time called me and asked me if I was going on Saturday I said yes and she said she would see me there. This surprised me as at one time she had been a regular but had stopped about three years ago saying that at 47 she had grown fed up with the gym and dieting.

Later I asked her why she was back and she said her DH of over 25 years had said: "I didn?t marry you to end up with a fat blob and you need to sort yourself out" bit harsh I suppose but she had ballooned from a trim 10 to a wobbly 16.

She told me he had been getting upset about her size for a while and admitted it was due to getting a bit lazy.

I consoled her said the right things but AIBU in thinking her DH had a point.

BTW her DH is very fit for a man in his fifties, running, and golf. Still plays football.

About as much as you've put into this whole thread, m'love.

You wish.

Hilarious!

You do realise you quoted yourself and responded to it above, don't you? As for such towering statements as "in most cases if you eat crap you die sooner": why, I don't think my additive-fuelled brain cells can process such shining examples of intellect. I expect it will be that pound of lard that keeps me warm on the long march to my early death interfering with my ability to process text.

Doh, yes it was the wrong cut and paste but
If you think that is "hilarious" you need to get out more.

And if saying "you wish" and "you need to get out more" is the level at which you can engage in your own thread, you may need to switch to an adolescent forum. Or get out more with people over the age of 16.

OP I think you have a point. Also it sounds like he tried to talk to her about it before he resorted to what was admittedly a bit of a cruel insult.

But what was he supposed to do? If he talked to her gently about her ballooning size and she did nothing was he just supposed to live with it?

We may promise to love forever but we can't promise to fancy unreservedly. I'd lose a bit of longing for my DH if he stopped washing, grew dreds or started smoking (or suddenly gained a lot of weight.)

I don't agree with how he spoke to her but I agree he had a point. Though you prob did the right thing by just being supportive. Sounds like she'd already got the message.

I started a thread sometime ago the subject was.

In an age of dwindling rescources and a rising population are two children per family enough, the first reply was.

"Who the hell are you to tell me how many children I can have thats my decision to make"

You very much remind me of that, if you see the OP it was a question not a statement, anyone may agree or disagree, give or not give a reason.

If you have read my posts I have not condemmed anyone for their lifestyle (re size or weight) and have acknowleged throughout that some factors are outside anyones control what I have done is expressed a preference for my own lifestyle.

I have admitted I am very pleased with myself to be in the shape and health that I am at 50.

As for my comments, with two young sons you tend to pick up expressions.

wherewereyouleft I think maybe correct - shock tactcis to get soemone to look at themselves and do something to get in shape.

It is not "fine" to be overweight, it is damaging, why would you want your spouse to become unhealthy

If you married a none smoker and after 22 years of marriage they started smoking wouldn't it be a bit odd and a spouse may want to stop the person smoking

it's the idea that someone is not a worthwhile person..that weight is more important than being funny, intelligent, kind etc that i find hard to come to terms with because I know I would much rather my partner was all of those things than ripped. In fact I tend to get put off by men who are v good looking/ muscley as spending 3 hours a night in a gym can be at the expense of other attributes

isittoo, that was never the premis, they are not mutualy exclusive attributes, why not try be all of them if you can.

Dh has a friend who has threatened to leave his dp if she ever gains weight! He is normally a lovely guy, but with him, looks are everything! And unless his girlfriend is a rake, he doesn't want to know!

I am so pleased that my dh accepts me as I am! Over 21 yrs together & 2 children, I have increased several sizes.

But am currently happy with my size, as is dh.

What happened to loving the person for who they are, not what they look like?

"What happened to loving the person for who they are, not what they look like?"

No idea, seems an alien concept to some on this thread :(

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Being unhealthy is will shorten your life expectancy and the quality regardless of how beautiful you may appear to someone else

kaloki no it isn't alien at all. Sadly the love we have for our DP's isn't unconditional like the love we have for our children. And attraction is a part of an adult relationship and you cannot regulate for what people find attractive. SO while it may be distasteful to you that this man doesn't fancy his wife when she has put on a (fair bit) of weight, at least he is being honest. Though I must say, the way he did it was very unpleasant.

Kaloki, it's not alien. If DH put on a lot of weight would I still love him? Of course, with all of my heart. Would I still find him attractive? Not nearly as much as I do now.