Seeing both sides

[newwave]

I am a regular exerciser and tend to watch my diet so when a friend of mine who had not been to the gym for a very long time called me and asked me if I was going on Saturday I said yes and she said she would see me there. This surprised me as at one time she had been a regular but had stopped about three years ago saying that at 47 she had grown fed up with the gym and dieting.

Later I asked her why she was back and she said her DH of over 25 years had said: "I didn?t marry you to end up with a fat blob and you need to sort yourself out" bit harsh I suppose but she had ballooned from a trim 10 to a wobbly 16.

She told me he had been getting upset about her size for a while and admitted it was due to getting a bit lazy.

I consoled her said the right things but AIBU in thinking her DH had a point.

BTW her DH is very fit for a man in his fifties, running, and golf. Still plays football.

If the husband said it in those words, uncalled for, but I don't see why people have such a huge problem with Hullygully. Obviously parts said in jest, but overall sentiment - I don't believe it is healthy that there are no-go areas in a relationship either. How you treat and encourage the person you love is what builds a strong and respectful relationship.

I've told dh that he needs new clothes before when he looked scruffy. I think he's gorgeous (he's prob just normal, but really sexy to me), but I also know he couldn't care less about clothes, so just don't think about it. So sometimes I have to remind him that he needs to shape up in the clothing department. No harm done, and he looks as sharp in business as he always looks in my eyes anyway. I can't see how this is somehow degrading or disrespectful towards him.

To be it's simple. You either love someone for who they are, or you lust after them for their physical appearance.

Neither is wrong as such, just don't pretend one is the other.

hully Would be fine by me. They could do what they want physically, they are still them.

Of course YANBU OP.

Tell her firmly to get her wobbly arse down to the gym pronto and stop eating the cakes. Tsk! Don't you know you have to keep young and beautiful if you want to be loved. She needs to watch out or she'll lose her lovely hubby to a younger fitter woman with more willpower.

Go out in women's clothing?

Piercings? Well, if I want to dye my hair bright red or get it cut short, then that's entirely my decision, so I expect my DH to gracefully accept it, because how I look is my own decision, not his. So, why wouldn't I accept it if he wanted to have facial piercings?

He currently shaves his head as it's less bother than going to the hairdressers and it needs to be tidy for work. I prefer a proper haircut, but I'd never comment on his appearance, it's up to him.

What is he painted himself purple every day with face paint and grew his nasal hair to plait it?

It's the language that offends, and the fact that there is a moral judgement attached. That is due to laziness, lack of willpower or weakness in some way. This does not apply to piercings or a haircut so the comment is not so loaded.

Putting on weight is not a taboo subject in a relationship but using cruel language (even if the speaker thinks they're funny) and implying that somehow they are not worthy of you is definitely off limits.

That is due to laziness, lack of willpower or weakness in some way.

What else might it be caused by (apart from that rogue thyroid)?

I agree with the DH.

I should say that I am currently on a diet to loose baby weight (he's 7 months old have just finished BFing). I also had gone from a 10/12 to a 16 - extra 2.5 stone.

She was probably obese (I was obese both based on BMI and body fat % at a size 16) and she was putting her health at risk. If the thread was the other way around egAnd totally reasonable to think he might find her less attractive. I mean I find myself less attractive etc...

Imagine the thread "I have kept fit and trim but my DH has put on several stone and does no exercise and I don't find him attractive AIBU to ask him to loose some weight."

BTW I have both thyroid condition and PCOS. Neither are excuse for weight gain. Thyroid is controlled by medication and PCOS symptoms greatly improved by weight gain esp on low GI diet.

But Hully, that's what I mean about having contempt for people who don't share your worldview.

I'm not lazy, I just don't choose to spend my industry at a gym. I don't lack willpower, because actually it has never occurred to me to diet (well it has but I dismissed it fairly swiftly), neither is it weakness.

Actually, my weight is due to the fact that I love food, love cooking and it is a passion that DH and I share. So no - we don't go jogging together but will spend a Saturday afternoon having a nice family lunch and wondering around delis and farm shops.

Now if I didn't work/have small children etc I would have an abundance of free time and might resort to spending it at a gym. But it is fairly low down on my list of priorities.

And has for putting my health at risk. It's not as simple as your BMI/weight. Also a lot is due to diet, genetics etc. I carry most of my weight on my arse so I think my internal organs are ok .

They are different lifestyle choices but you choose to believe that yours is more righteous than mine.

Is all.

I don't. I don't care one way or the other. I am interested in people's inconsistencies around the issue.

Is size 16 fat? Honestly?

It's a shame that people put so much emphasis on appearance. Not suprising so many young girls have body image issues.

Is size 16 fat? Honestly? (puts toe in water) how much can you pinch and what is your BMI, the answers there.

Keeping fit is righteous, being able to run 10 miles whilst others of your age couldn?t run for a bus is righteous; having will power and discipline is righteous. Is it more righteous than others lifestyle is for them to say.

The tired and harassed woman who looks after her family and a needy parent tops anything I can claim to do. The woman who looks after a disabled child whilst struggling for money and is always there for the child is a fucking saint as far as I am concerned.

It's all a matter of perspective.

newwave, you sound lovely.

Ok, well, I exercise more now than I ever have, eat less than I ever have, but due to getting older, hitting menopause and metabolism slowing down, I am a 14 approaching 16. I accept I will never again be a size 10/12. I work full time and am a single parent to 2 (youngest 10). I dress well for my height/weight, and am able to scrub up pretty well (when I need to/have time). I would be gutted if someone told me I was a fat blob!

Why aren't people allowed to grow old/slow down gracefully?

Btw I have a dp (we don't live together) and he thinks I'm the bees knees :o (no, he is not overweight)!

Loopy, how nice of you to say so and very perseptive if I may be so bold. :)

PIQ, why do you accept you will not be a 10/12 again, I accept you have time constraints and maybe it's not your thing but almost anyone given the motivation can do it and yes I accept illness etc hence the "almost"

I eat little, walk everywhere and have a hectic life already... how would I lose weight? Eat even less?? Exercise even more?? I am on my feet all day rushing around in my job.. I feel I earn a sit down for an hour in the evening... surely?

No, PIQ, you should be at the gym

obvs

ROFL AF.. obviously! Now am I allowed to leave my 10 year old asleep in bed for that? I seem to recall from an earlier thread, opinions were divided

According to some on this thread I'm a fat blob

Long live fat blobs

Am off for a shower, I will be standing up for that, not sitting down.. does that count as exercise? I could do some lunges whilst I'm in there I guess? Bit of weight lifting with the soap?

"I accept you have time constraints and maybe it's not your thing" as I said maybe not your thing, not being critical at all.

We all need to slob out on occassion I certainly do.