Seeing both sides

[newwave]

I am a regular exerciser and tend to watch my diet so when a friend of mine who had not been to the gym for a very long time called me and asked me if I was going on Saturday I said yes and she said she would see me there. This surprised me as at one time she had been a regular but had stopped about three years ago saying that at 47 she had grown fed up with the gym and dieting.

Later I asked her why she was back and she said her DH of over 25 years had said: "I didn?t marry you to end up with a fat blob and you need to sort yourself out" bit harsh I suppose but she had ballooned from a trim 10 to a wobbly 16.

She told me he had been getting upset about her size for a while and admitted it was due to getting a bit lazy.

I consoled her said the right things but AIBU in thinking her DH had a point.

BTW her DH is very fit for a man in his fifties, running, and golf. Still plays football.

'I am only suggesting that you might think about doing the same.'

Sorry harpsichord, can you point out where I have judged anyone?

And I didn't make a conclusion; I posted my interpretation of what you'd posted. You are telling me that's wrong (in a reasonably strident tone) and I accept that.

but newwave, almost all the things that you list as 'great advantages' are only 'great' and 'advantages' because YOU enjoy them.
not everyone WANTS to get up at 6am and run three miles. Lots of people would HATE doing that.
I think, far from 'seeing both sides' you have difficulty seeing another person's point of view if it's different from your own.
you are conflating 'slim' 'fit' and 'energetic' - they aren't synonymous by any means.

I was incorrct in stating Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, sorry guys (had to google it)

She was a size 12 by todays standards, but only 5ft 5

Which is actually pretty lovely, as evidenced by how popular opinion embraces her as one of the most beautiful women who ever lived

sorry olfin I wasn't referring to you particularly but to the tone of this thread.
my mistake.

but 'interpreting' my posts about what SOME people might think to conclude that I think those things is judging/concluding and is incorrect.
I am trying to present an alternative point of view to broaden the views of the OP and others on this thread, that not everyone in the world gives a stuff about being 'slim'. it's not the Holy Grail

Harp, it's being able to run three (and on occasion) 10 miles that I like, the sheer exhilaration and endomorphic high. Maybe some would HATE doing it but I doubt many would turn down the upside of it if they could have it without the effort.

They are all advantages as they allow you to do things that many have stopped being able to do apart from the heath advantages.

Of course, irrelevant of shape and form, the sexiest possible thing is confidence.

By the way, I am quite shocked at how they adjusted sizes. Not that it really means much as varies per supplier etc, body shape etc, but still. I think we all need personal tailors.

endorphic is what you mean I presume

an endomorphic high is what I might get from eating a full packet of hobnobs

Harp, maybe some dont give a stuff about being thin but if an instant weight loss pill was invented I suspect the "larger persons" would be first in the queue.

Sal...or just ignore the labels in your clothes ??

wear what fits

hahahaha AF. I'm going to bed now, this is making me giggle childishly. Night night.

newwave, people get endomorphic 'highs' from LOTS of things other than exercise. And I don't just mean illegal things either
also, ime among people of my age (I am in my forties) those who exercised/played sport to high levels often have significant health issues e.g. knee and other joint problems in particular.

night, sal x

newwave Wed 24-Nov-10 00:19:19
Harp, maybe some dont give a stuff about being thin but if an instant weight loss pill was invented I suspect the "larger persons" would be first in the queue.

haha, now you are just making me laugh now...
yes, everyone who doesn't diet all the time to stay slim is just in DENIAL - they DO care, they really DO!
seriously, it's just not true some people are happy the way they are. just accept it ....[grin}

I blame my mom, honestly. She used to make all my evening / party dresses when I was younger, so now it's awful to find something fab that doesn't cost the world. I just can't care enough to diet properly for the once or twice a year I would like to buy cheap off the shelf and look like a goddess, but I do sometimes wish my hips and bum were slightly smaller. I might even do something about it. Soon. Honestly.

ahem

Well, I would call it drawing an incorrect inference, rather than being judgemental but I take your point and apologise for misconstruing your post.

No, being slim is not the be-all and end-all, of course.

For some people, looking after their bodies is really important and being slim is often a by-product of that process.

To return briefly to the OP...of course, the DH was BU if he really spoke to his wife that way. Personally, if my OH was finding me less attractive because of weight gain or some other factor, I'd rather be told about it, in a tactful way. Nothing to do with trying to 'keep my man' or wot not. If a man wants to have an affair with someone else, it's his choice and not to be blamed on his DW. Nonetheless, I want my OH to find me attractive, just as I want to find him attractive. I don't think there's anything scandalous in saying that.

There are certain things neither of us can help...he's going bald....my boobs aren't what they used to be etc..and we can't do anything about those.

If my OH was to put on weight through a medical condition or gradually gain small amounts of weight through the natural aging process (as indeed he has), no problem. If, however, he was to gain several stone in a short space of time, yes, I would be sad about it and find him less attractive. Doesn't mean I'd run off with someone else or divorce him but I probably would have a gentle word with him about it.

It's the "try not to get out of breath when exercising" that gets me every time!

I don't like to sweat

it's icky

Harp, answer me this, if all the benifits I have listed including the weight loss could be acheived with one pill how many on here would not take it.

Lots would like the benifits but not the effort involved.

And (as I am an honest person) it is nice to be on holiday and feel smugly satisfied and very happy about oneself as I walk along the beach (tin hat on) I never said I wasnt shallow :o

"very happy about oneself"...not a problem

"smugly satisfied"...ugghh

"try not to get out of breath when exercising"?

Are they having a laugh? If you're a beginner, you're going to get out of breath or you're not working hard enough!

newwave....Hallo !

I think its abit rude to say "fat blob".

But to be very honest, if my husband put on that much weight, I would certainly let him know I wasn't happy about it.

Maybe he was trying the shock tactics.

They do work you know

Hiya SRS all ok I trust.

AF, yes smug, I told you I was honest, one of my many virtues :o

I have never been thin. Because I really, really don't care about being thin (apart from some teenage 'dieting' ie 30 odd years ago, soon got bored with the whole business).
I have found being intelligent and interesting does more for one's sex appeal than being a hungry twiglet.

Yep, if there was a pill, I'd take it. However, as thing stand I prefer food to being thin. Always have done, whether a size 6 or 16. (and I've been both) If I could eat what I do now and be thin. Great.

Don't assume that women who are a size 16 aren't fit though. I would never want to get up at 6am or go on a three mile run, bit I could. I can also give my 'gym bunny' friends a run for their money if I do decide to go in the gym.