the horrible woman in this week's grazia who doesnt want kids because...

[superv1xen]

...she is scared of getting fat and ruining her figure and getting a -i can barely type these words- "bucket vagina"

aibu to think she is a silly shallow bitch and be really angry with her for peddling her horrible opinions in public? its up to the individual whether they want kids or not but what a nasty, shallow reason to not want them :( and how insulting to mothers reading that. she is a 35 year old woman who seemed reasonably intelligent, not some silly WAG-type 20 year old that one would maybe expect to hear this kind of shit from.

does she not realise that she won't have her perfect body forever anyway, gravity catches up in the end regardless of whether she has kids or not. and i would rather have an "imperfect" body and my lovely kids any day. did anyone else read it? it made my blood boil.

Better to have a shallow reason not to have children than a shallow reason to have them.

Well women are entirely judged by their attractiveness in this world, 'attractive' basically meaning young and toned. So maybe she's just being sensible and preserving an asset while she can.

The main problem with the article is that it triggers debate about whether or not having children changes your body. The actual main point hidden behind this 'debate' and the article's headline is that there are clearly many women (including the author of the article) who have serious body issues tending toward body dysmorphia. It reveals a lot about the society in which we live that having such issues is seen as normal. I think it is sad. Who is deciding that having a softly feminine (not fat) stomach is a bad thing/unattractive?

I do think that having a wonderful body, a great career, tons of money, great sex life and above all - freedom, is much much better than 'lovely' children. There I've said it!

She has her priorities, she is a shallow person who thinks what she is on the outside is critically important. Sounds like she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body! Her loss!

But that's why she is in Grazia

If her story was "I don't ever want kids because I just don't feel very maternal", she wouldn't have a story.

Grazia is no different to any other publication using shock-tactic journalism. It's just printed on slightly shinier paper. Ignore her :)

Agree with all those who said, far more worrying to think of all the selfish fuckwits women having babies without a thought or care for how they are going to raise them. One woman choosing not to have a baby makes no odds to me - and anyway. Let her enjoy her flawless-fanjo.

ooop strange bit of sentence construction there, meant to delete the 'and anyway'.

As you were

The Bolter - regarding your last post

Having a decent pelvic floor for the rest of your life, from let's say for argument's sake your mid 30's has a lot going for it.

I wouldn't think badly of ANYONE requiring the services of Tena Lady or similar, but from the age of having one's third and last child until end of life is just too much to bear, for me, for most people I reckon.

I had DS at 40 - fanjo is not noticeably looser, despite having pushed DS out of it. It was pretty tight before, still is.

It sounds as though it's just as well she's not going to have DC any time soon.

"she is scared of getting fat and ruining her figure and getting a -i can barely type these words- "bucket vagina""

None of those things happened to me. I still have the same slim figure and pert boobs (though a bit small) from before. I don't have any stretchmarks either.

If she doesn't want children then fine, not everyone does.

She doesn't want kids... far better that she actually thinks about what she's doing with life than drifting into having them because it's expected and having life choose her choices FOR her.

For a long time I didn't want kids - didn't want to perpetuate the cycle of shit mothers offloading all their mental baggage onto their daughters and screwing them up that is pretty much a dead-cert in my family. Took me a heck of a long time to realise that the fact I'd sussed the pattern out gave me at least a fighting chance of preventing the pattern to be honest - but I took shit from years from busybodies determined that I should have kids because they'd decided I should. As life turned out - it had other plans for me as it currently stands.

What the fuck is wrong with the simple concept of respecting other peoples' choices? She's said something controversial to get the article in the magazine and be talked about - and you're all falling right into the trap.

My body hasnt changed at all and I didnt think it would as neither did my mums. If I had thought I would of got fat, soft tummy, stretchmarks then I would of waited to have kids.

I dont think there is anything wrong in thinking that.

She's only reacting to a world that tells her her looks are everything. It really is depressing that we now feel pressure to look as if we haven't had children when we have, like being a mother is something to be ashamed of.
I know two women who adopted their DCs and it's affected their bodies too, one got fatter than she'd like and one thinner than she'd like.

Suppose it ties in with the loathing of ageing women we see now, there is barely a woman over 40 in the public eye who has not paid to have her face cut or injected.

I don't know if I'm a big hypocrite, because I am working out and trying to get back to pre pg weight, I use moisturiser and makeup and get my hair done and I love fashion, but I honestly believe there are more important things and I try to silence the pressure to look like a childless 21 year old when I am in my 30s with a baby.

Think this post proves I should spend more time trying to become more articulate rather than worrying about my looks

YABU to read Grazia, it's really bad for your blood pressure!

No, she's reacting to a world which tells her Women Ought To Have Children, and that women who do not have children - for whatever reason - are Not Proper Women.

Frankly, when I was her age I didn't have children and wanted to shriek at the next person who told me smugly how people without children Did Not Understand What Life Was All About, etc etc etc. (My reasons were not to do with my body: they were to do with not being able to attract a man prepared to impregnate me.) It makes one a bit irked, really.

but if that's so, MI (and I'm not disputing it) - why all the guff about "bucket vagina" etc.?
Not having DC for whatever reason should be an acceptable situation - but there's no need to go around saying that women who do have them have bodies that are shot to bits.

I guess thumbwitch, because a lot of the time just saying "I don't want kids" is never enough. You just get pestered with "but whhyyyy?" over and over again. Whereas if you say "I don't want a bucket fanny" most people will huff and say you don't deserve kids anyway. Thus saving you fending off arguments.

(yes, I've been there - though I was possibly more offensive than saying "bucket fanny", I just wanted to be left alone)

exactly thumbwitch - it doesn't bother me whether people want or don't want children, thats up to the individual, i just found it not very nice that she was implying that women who do have kids are all fat and unattractive with bucket fannies! :o

If getting a softer tummy or stretchmarks is such a big deal to her, better to choose not to have kids than to have them with the misconception that it is easy to spring back into your size 8 jeans in 2 weeks (as long as your follow some random celeb's diet and exercise plan) and then be bitterly disappointed and resentful if she tuns out not to have a springing-back kind of figure.

I saw the article and pictures and in all honesty I think she had a cheek saying that Julia Roberts looked a state. Julia has twins, is older and is still thinner and prettier than her.

Its fine saying you don't want kids, but there's no need to be rude about women who have. Each to their own, the childfree and those with children shouldn't be attacking eachother.

a silly and not very bright woman has decided not to have children. I am struggling to see a downside.

I read this and felt that it's a bit sad, as the magazine-culture that she's part of seems to reject women over 45 (and certainly over 50) no matter how slim, toned etc, and it must be a hell of a lot easier to accept/ignore/utterly not care about this if you have a batch of kids to love and be unconditionally loved back by, and just have great fun with. If you rely on looking super trim and being admired by a looks-based industry to have fun, then you are going to find this stage of life very difficult I think.

By criticizing Julia Robert's (great) figure, she's only contributing to the culture that will ultimately reject her when she gets 'too old', kids or no kids.

So what?

Why does it matter?

YES porcupine my feelings exactly, you said what i wanted to say except more articulately :)

also have to agree with pagwatch too, there is that side of it! :o

Totally agree with maninthemooncup 'She's only reacting to a world that tells her her looks are everything' and also about few women being in the media without being cut/altered..

I don't think she is BU to make her own choice but I feel sorry for her that her life is that shallow. I feel she may regret it. We are all going to be old and haggered some day. She may get stretchmarks through disease etc or some other scars.