AIBU to really dislike the majority of weddings?

[marantha]

Although I will freely admit to thinking marriage is important from a legal point of view, I do not think that being married bears any relation to how much the couple love each other. I base this upon the fact that many couples I know who cohabit are devoted to one another and many couples I know who are married despise each other.

So I do not see why there is such a big deal and romantic nonsense made out of the act of getting married.
Truth be told, it annoys the s* out of me when people get caught up in the act of planning their wedding and make it into a major affair that costs their average salary.
This may have been acceptable in the past when getting married genuinely was a life-changing occasion (but even then there seemed to be less fuss) but in an age where couples cohabit and even have children before getting wed it is a farce when such a big deal is made out of it.
I get sick of the way that these monsters brides-to-be smugly talk of 'tradition' as regards their wedding when their behaviour in the past has been er, very UNtraditional.
Not that I give a monkey's that they've slept with an entire rugby team, but it is galling when they become all high and mighty about what it 'right' and 'traditional' about their wedding.
I also despise the way that the bride becomes totally absorbed in her 'big day' - there does not seem to be any realisation on her part that -apart from her and her groom and close family and friends- nobody gives a toss.
Everyone around her has to go along with the nonsense. And if a person is foolish enough to accept an invite, all sorts of demands will be placed on the guest and all sorts of rude behaviour will follow- sending the wedding list out with the invitation, for example
AIBU?

northern, of course the bride and groom thought everyone enjoyed their wedding, because fortunately, their guests must have been fairly well brought up and had some decent manners and tact and so kept their negative thoughts away from the bride and groom. No there is no excuse for poor bridey behaviour, but equally just because you don't think weddings matter, they do to lots of people. Organising any wedding which is bigger that dashing into a registry office, can act as a way of making people really think about the committment. Finally an elderly relative of mine, who had a tiny wedding because it was what she wanted at the time, later really regretted it after 50 years of marriage.

Congratulations Panda

Aww panda..that is so special you sound like an amazing couple best wishes

Panda - wow. That's amazing. Best of luck to you both!

I agree with OP. Just turned down a wedding invite from a friend whose wedding is out in the country at a pricey hotel, children not invited, cast of thousands etc etc. We're going on hols instead, but the bride seems pretty put out. I was as nice about it as possible and very apologetic. Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if I don't hear from her again... it's a shame, but if that's how she wants to play it, it's her business.

'Just turned down a wedding invite from a friend whose wedding is out in the country at a pricey hotel, children not invited, cast of thousands etc etc. '

I love it when the couple tell you, 'It's a chance for you to have a night out.' Cool, so you'll be forking out for an overnight babysitter who'll stay till afternoon the next day when we get back, then?

Or the ones where they invite you, sans children, of course, to the ceremony and then only the evening do.

I love a good wedding - but not ones where my poor DS has to wear white tights, satin slippers and sky blue pantaloons with bows on the knee - it is not a Royal wedding and I will emasculate my own child thank you very much!

I've enjoyed every wedding I've been to so far. But then I'm a simple soul: it only takes the sight of a smiling bride and groom to put me in a good mood: I don't really care if the food is good or the speeches rhetorical masterpieces- I like a party.

I don't get what the bride and groom are so happy for, to be honest. If they love each other, they love each other-what difference (other than the obvious legal aspect) does signing a bit of paper make?
Unless a person is truly religious, of course, and who is nowadays?
Apart from the hippe-dippie 'there must be something' point of view.
And to hear, 'It's the happiest day of our lives' from a couple who have lived together for about 10 years who already have children is something I do not get at all- I think, 'Right, so the birth of your children was not as big an occasion as this?'
It's just c*ap people come out with at a wedding.
Yes, I shall go along with a plastic smile and go along with the pretence like everybody else, but there is nothing that significant or important (apart from altering a person's legal status) about getting married.

Why not get drunk, marantha? In fact, I'd have a glass or two before going. The best weddings I went to were back in the day when I smoked pot. I'd have a couple of long bong hits before heading out and think, 'Fuck it. Let's go. I'm stoned.'

I will be getting drunk- and the best weddings I have been to is where it's not taken too seriously and have a light atmosphere and people are encouraged to have a drink.

Couldn't agree more. YANBU.

I love weddings. Just wouldn't have one myself

i can't belive how stessful planning a wedding is, it would be alot easier if other people would just turn up without moaning about the wedding plans.

one very stress out bride-to-be

all i want is a simple wedding, registery office and a buffet in the local.....but oh no thats not a proper wedding

Your wedding sounds lovely, Auntpickle. I sometimes thank God I was married 20 years ago when it wasn't quite such an industry (although I remember having to have words with the florist who was trying to tell me I couldn't have bridesmaid's bouquets that were bigger than the brides as it 'wasn't right')

OP, your last post has left you sounding a miserable, dried up old cow, tbh. My wedding day was utterly joyous.

The birth of my DD, otoh, was a very, very happy day, but as it came after a 36 hour labour, a scare about her heart-rate and an emergency section where I had a violent reaction to the anaesthetic and ended up shivering uncontrollably beneath an inflatable full of hot air, followed by DH pissing off home to bed because he was tired, it wasn't exactly the most magical moment of my life...

'Yes, I shall go along with a plastic smile and go along with the pretence like everybody else, but there is nothing that significant or important (apart from altering a person's legal status) about getting married.'

If you go to this wedding you are being a hypocritical moaner - I'd have hated a 'friend' like you at my wedding..

Marantha - you sound like such a miserable, bitter woman - I would hate to have you as a friend. I understand that you don't like weddings - fair enough, but some people (in fact quite a lot) do enjoy them and see them as a happy occasion when family and friends can all come together. Just because 'there is nothing significant or important about getting married' in your eyes does not mean that this is true for everyone.

I have a friend whose brother has recently been diagnosed with cancer and given only 6 months to live. He and his partner are currently organising their wedding - probably the last occasion that all their friends/family will be together before his funeral. Try telling him that there is nothing significant about marriage. Fair enough, you have an opinion of weddings and marriage but it is an opinion not a statement of fact.

marantha, loads of people are religious. Plenty of people who aren't, care very much about the non-legal, romantic aspect. That doesn't mean they're trying to be bridezilla-y. I know someone who got married in the same church as her mother and grandmother who only had about 20 guests. She's not religious, vicar knew that, but it mattered to her. My brother is getting married with 11 guests total, and he's neither religious nor doing it for the legal stuff, he just wants to be married.

I sort of understand your cynicism - sometimes it can feel as if everyone is just showing off - but honestly, there are still lots of good reasons to get married other than the bit of paper.

Mrsmackie I can't possibly comment on your friend's situation, so I won't.
But I do know of a couple in a similar situation who had lived together for TWENTY years and had 3 children together, sadly, one of them became ill with a terminal disease.
They had no real need to be married, they had the good sense to sort things out on a legal level so neither of them would be broke in the event of the other dying and so on but they decided to marry anyway.
Now while it's kind of nice that they decided to get married in the final few months of life, I cannot go along with the idea that marriage was that important to them- because if it were, they'd have done it a lot sooner.

And I can bet that everyone here who thinks marriage is special, also contradicts themselves by saying that cohabitation is equally as good (it is IMO, by the way. At least from a devotion/commitment point of view, that is. Not a legal one, though)

Well I have two children and I co-habit with my partner. Recently after very disturbing behaviour I have been told that they are fairly certain I have a very severe illness.

Me,dp are planning on saving up and after we have had a certain diagnosis having a big wedding day so my family has something of joy to look forward to.

I have had a hard life and was pg at 17 with ds I am 23 now I have never had a holiday abroad and I am asking that anyone who wishes to contribute to a honeymoon may do so but any gifts they choose would be gratefully accepted but we ask that none of our guests put themselves out to do so. I don't give a shit if some people think it is tacky because they are not the special close family and friends I will be inviting to my day.

The people I will invite really love me and care for me and certainly would not turn down my wedding invite because I would like for once to have a good time and take my family on holiday for supporting me through a difficult time.

I dare say that the person who sent me the invite was also certain that I would not find her request for gifts tacky, either.

Then I would prefer you tell me so I can disinvite you from my wedding and spend the day with people who actually give more of a shit about me than my taste in wedding gifts.