AIBU to really dislike the majority of weddings?

[marantha]

Although I will freely admit to thinking marriage is important from a legal point of view, I do not think that being married bears any relation to how much the couple love each other. I base this upon the fact that many couples I know who cohabit are devoted to one another and many couples I know who are married despise each other.

So I do not see why there is such a big deal and romantic nonsense made out of the act of getting married.
Truth be told, it annoys the s* out of me when people get caught up in the act of planning their wedding and make it into a major affair that costs their average salary.
This may have been acceptable in the past when getting married genuinely was a life-changing occasion (but even then there seemed to be less fuss) but in an age where couples cohabit and even have children before getting wed it is a farce when such a big deal is made out of it.
I get sick of the way that these monsters brides-to-be smugly talk of 'tradition' as regards their wedding when their behaviour in the past has been er, very UNtraditional.
Not that I give a monkey's that they've slept with an entire rugby team, but it is galling when they become all high and mighty about what it 'right' and 'traditional' about their wedding.
I also despise the way that the bride becomes totally absorbed in her 'big day' - there does not seem to be any realisation on her part that -apart from her and her groom and close family and friends- nobody gives a toss.
Everyone around her has to go along with the nonsense. And if a person is foolish enough to accept an invite, all sorts of demands will be placed on the guest and all sorts of rude behaviour will follow- sending the wedding list out with the invitation, for example
AIBU?

'Did someone really get flamed for doing a registry job with just two witnesses?'

Yes. BIG time. Plenty of posters banged on and on about how they'd be heartbroken if their children did such a thing and some would even cut them out of their lives forever.

No wonder fewer and fewer people are even bothering these days.

We didn't run off as such, we just said we are getting married but have to have a cheapy as we have no money.

My parents gave us some money for a weekend in Paris as a honeymoon, his parents gave us a bottle of wine [bisciut]

It's not their day. It's a wedding, fgs, not a world peace negotiation. Chances are, it's a lot of other couples 'day', too. It's a wedding.

I've made it clear to my children not to bother. The only reason DH and I did was for legal reasons. We literally couldn't carry on living together without it. So we eloped.

But otherwise? Neither of us would have bothered.

or even

I don't get it either Hecate, I actually know a couple who got divorced before they had even finished paying for the wedding ...

I loved my wedding it was a great day 60 guests 30 each..we hired a small restaurant for the day and they did the catering and provided the servers we brought the drinks...my friends and I decorated with candles and balloons etc...I made the invites myself by hand,my uncle borrowed a friends convertible mercedes as the car...twas lovely

Sure, they can have what they want.

Last one we went to was a second wedding (or maybe a third for her, not too sure, but they're already separated). Anyhow, it was fun because it was a wedding at 5PM, then down the road to the village hall for a piss up ceilidh.

No gifts requested, although there were many fine bottles of whisky about, and walking distance of home.

The thing is I regularly get "made" to go - it's utterly awful. You get the invite, you decline. Then you get 43,000 pleadings about "Oh please come, our wedding won't be boring, our wedding will be different and it'll be FUN!"

How exactly is having overcooked "chickenorsalmon" with a whole load of people I don't know, and some I'd rather not know, whilst trainee debaters get up to speak for the first time after 3 bottles of wine fun? Never mind the cost of getting there, suitably attired bearing gifts.

It's not fun, and no I don't want to go.

Amusingly I refused another invite recently but got regular text updates from those who were there... "godawful" was one description. "bride looks like she has been in dressing up box" was another. Saw happy couple a month later and they told me "how much everyone LOVED" their wedding....

I didn't even like my wedding that much - I'd have been much happier in jeans, signing a bit of paper. BEING married is so much more important than GETTING married(and much more fun too!)

Another thing i dislike apart from money requests is that thing some couples do after the first dance, usually a latin dance or tango (after months of private lessons). Or some 'funny' disco routine. Too plasticky for my liking.
Also when there is too much emphasis on the cameras.

But i do like a good wedding without the above rubbish. I've enjoyed some weddings.

I like the wedding ceremony 'I do' bit (always blub) and I like the booze. Other than that, weddings are dullsville.

Well, YANBU, weddings are dull, crass and embarrassing, but you can't actually say so.

So many lovely, normal, sane people have a wedding that to bitch about weddings is to bitch about something that is important to the people you know and love.

Embrace your assertive spirit, northerngirl! Just say 'no'! :o

The only 'fun' weddings I have been to were the incredibly informal type, like that one where the couple married followed immediately by piss up with buffet.

No real travelling, no need for new clothes (DH has never worn a suit in his life, but his kilt's had a lot of use), show up, watch it, start partying.

ruby ignore these moany cows ...I love a good wedding!!..

Is it a dress kilt?...does he wear pants underneath?..does he have the likkle knife thingie?..

Yes, it's a dress kilt. A gift from his parents for his 21st birthday. No, he doesn't wear pants underneath around here, but definitely in any city as tourists and random people have been known to lift mens' kilts. Yes, he wears the 'little knife thingie'.

I find the amount of money some people spend on weddings insane. I had a small and low key wedding- if I had thousands of pounds to spare I would rather spend the money travelling with my husband, making true memories together, rather than blow it on one day.

I love weddings, one of the few chances foe everyone to get together and get totally dolled up for once. Been to all kinds - big traditional jobbies in castled to last minute affairs with 4 guests, kibbutz wedding and champagne and pizza and they were all lovely and special.

OP if you really feel like that then it's really insulting and hypocritical to go.

I love weddings-I am pleased to celebrate with friends and family. I don't mind whether they have spent a lot with 'the works' or they have had a small private registry office and invited us to a meal a week later. If you have 'bridezilla's or you know you won't like it or you don't like the wording on the invitation just politely decline-no one is forcing you to go. To go and then moan seems rude.

I'm in the process of planning a wedding and family members who are not heavily involved are already kicking up a fuss - and I've not even concentrated on planning the damn wedding yet.

Thing is, DP and I are undergoing a massive commitment next year - and it's not the wedding (or the birth of a child). For us the wedding is the legal bit, and a party after, but the OTHER thing is going to be huge and change our lives - and I can't wait.

Hence I'm not being a bridezilla, but I have encountered them and I get why it makes for an uncomfortable day. I do love weddings where the bride is normal though. I don't hate all weddings.

He's getting my kidney. He has no kidneys at the moment, so is in hospital every couple of days but we've just completed our transplant work up and should be having our operations early next year.

Way more important commitment wise and emotionally as it will make a massive difference to us as a family.

So our wedding will be more of a celebration of happiness and health (should it all go to plan).

Still got to try and plan the wedding somewhere in between it all though

When you getting married Ruby (I think you said next year sometime?)

*When are you