AIBU to really dislike the majority of weddings?

[marantha]

Although I will freely admit to thinking marriage is important from a legal point of view, I do not think that being married bears any relation to how much the couple love each other. I base this upon the fact that many couples I know who cohabit are devoted to one another and many couples I know who are married despise each other.

So I do not see why there is such a big deal and romantic nonsense made out of the act of getting married.
Truth be told, it annoys the s* out of me when people get caught up in the act of planning their wedding and make it into a major affair that costs their average salary.
This may have been acceptable in the past when getting married genuinely was a life-changing occasion (but even then there seemed to be less fuss) but in an age where couples cohabit and even have children before getting wed it is a farce when such a big deal is made out of it.
I get sick of the way that these monsters brides-to-be smugly talk of 'tradition' as regards their wedding when their behaviour in the past has been er, very UNtraditional.
Not that I give a monkey's that they've slept with an entire rugby team, but it is galling when they become all high and mighty about what it 'right' and 'traditional' about their wedding.
I also despise the way that the bride becomes totally absorbed in her 'big day' - there does not seem to be any realisation on her part that -apart from her and her groom and close family and friends- nobody gives a toss.
Everyone around her has to go along with the nonsense. And if a person is foolish enough to accept an invite, all sorts of demands will be placed on the guest and all sorts of rude behaviour will follow- sending the wedding list out with the invitation, for example
AIBU?

YABU

Weddings are lovely, and I have been grateful for every invite I've ever had. I love seeing a happy couple enjoying their day, making a commitment to eachother and sharing that with those they care about.

Our wedding did take into account the guests needs, my priority while planning it was them. They travelled and spent money to be their, out of their own free will, so of course their comfort was taken into consideration.

Knowing that people wanted to be there, and were obviously enjoying themselves, bringing together family members that hadn't had the opportunity to all be together for years, having every group of people that my husband and I care about all together in the same room, are all things that made it wonderful for us. I'm sure lots of other couples feel the same. The only other time anyone is likely to have everyone they care about all together is probably going to be their funeral.

You sound jealous that you didn't get a good wedding day OP. I can't think of any other reason why you would begrudge a couple a wonderful day.

'I can't think of any other reason why you would begrudge a couple a wonderful day.'

Maybe because she finds them a waste of money and boring, curly.

Not everyone finds them lovely and is jealous.

Some find them tedious and dull.

Oh ,yes, the old line that ALL women want a 'big day'. I didn't.

Here's a tip DON'T GO..

ffs don't understand anyone arguing about how someone chooses to spend their wedding day..
So you don't like it,it offends you, you only had wotsits and tango as refreshments at yours or you will never marry so you don't get why other people waste their money then... don't take you arse to their wedding ...just say NO

People can't win when it comes to weddings. If they have a big do then someone moans about something. If they get married with no more than themselves and two witnesses then they get criticised for that too. Someone on here got flamed for the latter not too long ago.

Mumcentreplus. You are right; I'd love to get out of this one- because I am incensed at the wedding list that came with the invite- but it is too late for this wedding. I will politely refuse in future, though.

thesecondcoming : "fwiw a lot of people i know have not wanted to have wedding lists and have then been hassled to fucking death by aunts\uncles etc to provide one."

marantha : "It's just wrong to put wedding list in with invite."

Well, whatever your opinion marantha, my personal experience matches what thesecondcoming said. We'd lived together for a couple of years already, and had both had our own homes before that, so there was nothing we needed, or even particularly wanted. It was a small wedding, mostly family, and we'd spoken to everyone before the written invites were actually sent out. Almost without exception, people asked us what they could get us for our wedding. And the older generation were most forthcoming that a wedding list was absolutely essential TO THEM. So we shrugged and typed one up, and included it in the envelope with the invites.

You do sound so very bitter.

I actually get annoyed if the wedding list details aren't included in the invite as then I have to make a special effort to find out how to buy the couple a gift! I can't think of invite that hasn't included a disclaimer that the gift isn't expected but if the guest would like to buy a gift then here's some pointers!!

Wedding list - okay. Cash only, give us money poems, bank details, websites with PayPal type payment options - tacky, instant decline.

I do find most weddings very dull. Have been dragged to hundreds of them whilst growing up. They only get good once everyone's well-watered.

And don't get me started on strapless dresses . . .

marantha YABVU just because they included a list which most other guests will find really useful doesn't mean you have to buy them something.

If it really bothers you that much don't go to their wedding and stop being friends with them because they are so inconsiderate

I don't go usually. Not if it's a stuffed shirt affair, sat next to someone's boring uncle, with barely enough elbow room to move, drinking wine that would strip paint and eating the same dire mass produced sludge that is usually reserved for tacky work dos at Christmas.

In fact, a lot of weddings are exactly like tacky work dos at Christmas, only you're expected to spend a small fortune on a gift too and listen to someone totally lacking in charisma waffling on for hours, cracking the same old jokes you've heard a hundred times before.

Each to their own but that isn't my idea of a celebration.

I'm quite surprised at what a miserable bugger I am

Ignore the list.
Decline the invite.
Do whatever you want.

You'll probably find that the bride and groom aren't especially devastated if you choose to stay at home. They hoped to share their day with someone who cared and was happy for them, not a resentful and uncaring person who prefers to bitch about them on MN.

Well if you show your friends and family this thread you can rest assured that there won't be many more invitations heading your way.

Guestzilla = self centred, whinging, moaning, bitter, miserable person who slags people off for living their lives they way they want to without checking with her first.

A work colleague/friend is from Newcastle and went back there to get married. All of her friends from London trekked the however many hundred miles north, some only for the evening do, shelled out for travel and B&B etc. She had been living with her partner blah blah. We all had an amazing time and she was so touched that everyone had made the effort. The look on her face when she saw us all there was well worth it. But she is a lovely person and I think me and my friends are pretty lovely too. Must be hard when you're not...

Well judging by this thread there is ..you know the ones who sit in corners and moan about the... other guests...the venue..the travel arrangements ...the guest list...the food..the ambiance...the music ..the speeches...

Apparantly there is, ruby.

The waste of money...the colour of the dress..the bride..the groom ...the flower girl...this list is not exhustive

at guestzilla.

I'm far too polite to complain or spoil anyone's day in RL. In fact, I'd be the one defending the happy couple if anyone would dare to do that in my company. I wouldn't even bitch about it afterwards, it's not a nice thing to do.

But this isn't RL, it's AIBU and no-one has any idea who I am or who I might be talking about.

Well, I think it is very foolish to spend a vast amount of money on one day, when that money would be better spent on the marriage, on real life, than on a silly dress you only get to wear once and lots of flowers etc etc.

I worry - well, worry is the wrong word because I don't actually care about other people's lives - that some people get so caught up in the day that they forget about what really matters - the life together.

I don't understand why people want to have a big party costing ten or twenty thousand pounds. It doesn't make sense to me. Especially if they get into debt to do it. But clearly it does matter to many, so let them get on with it. But then, pretty much everything that people do totally baffles me. People are weird

It doesn't make me angry, because it doesn't affect me in any way. I think they're daft for wasting all that money on one poxy day, but it's their problem, not mine. they're the ones who'll be starting married life in debt, or who delay buying a house because instead of having many thousands for a deposit, they've spent it on a party. No skin off my nose.

Re gifts and unreasonable demands - eg guests outfits must match the flowers - if I felt they were taking the piss, I'd just not go. Problem solved.

Married or not people can love each other just as much. I am personally glad that I married but peple don't have to. Marriage malarky I don't like is, people getting married in church when they never attend and don't believe. Expensive gift lists, dress codes,hen/stag events that cost a fortune. I'm attending a wedding soon, it is costing a small fortune just to attend. A lot of my relatives are strugling with the cost and it is really stressing them.

I once went to a wedding where the top table were running a book on how long the marriage alsted.

they're still married after a decade but tbh that's only as bloke won;t sign papers from prison (!), she was so chuffed with her lot she slept with the photographer. Don;t get a lot of those bashes and the dress alone topped two grand a decade ago; we did wonder if they were trying to buy a dream far from relaity.

But ours wasn;t cheap- £12? Agin a decade ago, not extravagant though- yes therre were favours, amde by me. Dress from John Lewis, borrowed wedding car, hired suit- it was the venue itself that cost and teh honeymoon. Don;t regret a bit of it though i would have if I ahd borrowed any, DH had an insurance policy that matured at the right time.

Not sure we palced any demands on anyone though? there was a wedding list if asked for (as my family prefer), in Argos so it was cheap for people; we deliverately de-fussed so tehre was no standing etc for elderly relatives and I hope it was a nice relaxed day for all.

Did someone really get flamed for doing a registry job with just two witnesses?
We simply couldn't afford any other way at the time, but we really wanted to be married.

No one owns a day. This whole 'it's their day' is where things go awry.

(Pass the bucket)