to think my friend should've picked her small baby DD up 2 hours ago when I asked her to?

[taintedpaint]

I am looking after my friend's 5 month old DD today. Said friend has gone to an appointment that she couldn't take her DD to. I said fine, I would look after her. I have a childless house today and a day off work, so here I am. She was supposed to pick the baby up at 2pm, but sent me a text message to say she was doing something else and would be picking her up anytime from about now onwards.

I was not told before I agreed to the babysitting that there would be anything beyond this appointment and I specifically told my friend that I would not be able to look after the baby beyond 3pm as I had things to do.

To top it all off, the baby is exclusively breastfed and refuses to take a bottle (which my friend knows only too well) so I have had a screaming baby on my hands that my friend should have picked up two hours ago, no way to pacify her and no idea when she will be picked up.

It's the poor little baby I feel sorry for, she is hungry and tired and I can't do a thing for her.

AIBU to refuse to babysit again and be pissed off at my friend for not sticking to the plan? The extra thing is not something that needed to be done specifically today btw.

i was thinking that nickel.

i really hope the mum is ok actually and is just being selfish and unthinking. would be awful if something else was going on

I'd taker her for a walk - you may not be able to feed her but she's probably knackered from crying and a walk may send her to sleep for a bit. Let the mother be inconvenienced for a bit. Poor baby :(

Did you tell her the baby was upset and refusing the bottle and she still didn't come back?

she could be pretending to be okay, but be secretly tearing her heart out.
:(

YANBU at all not to sit again

She left the formula and breast milk for me to 'try', knowing only too well the baby wouldn't take it. I sent her a message to say that and she replied with something like 'oh I didn't think she would, I just thought it would be worth a try'. Seriously, I didn't think any mother did this. I'm really shocked.

She just picked her up. Said thank you and sorry for being late, but I basically stood there in silence. I don't think a simple sorry cuts it. I felt awful about kicking her out before her DD had been fed, but I couldn't think of any other way to make her realise what the last couple of hours have been like for me and her DD. She has a 10-15 minute car journey now and the poor little mite will probably scream through the whole thing.

I'm not babysitting again, I'm not taking that crap from her and I bloody hope she doesn't do the same to someone else.

Her poor DD....

Poor baby.

Can't believe anyone would do that.

A friend of mine did this 2-3 times to me, always several hours late, once 'popping out' and returning 10 hours later very late at night, mobile phone switched off. But the baby wasn't ebf, so not traumatic for the baby. I was mightily angry at the time and vowed never again. It put me off babysitting, tbh.

Looking back, now I have my own DC, she was in a bad way and really needed the break. She was a single parent with no family nearby. I wish I had been a bit more understanding and babysat more not less :(

Could your friend be struggling?

you need to call her later, or even pop over when you can. have a Serious Talk

it might be PND and she just had to get away

or it might be sheer laziness and she just wanted a day away from her baby

it is grossly unfair on you if she knew the baby would not take a bottle and cruel to the baby, whose only source of nourishment is breast milk

it is really awful behaviour and she needs telling

I don't know about the struggling/PND stuff. It's possible, I certainly wouldn't dismiss it. But we go back quite a long way and I think she would be able to tell me if that was the case. I'm like all of you, I just can't figure out why she would do this. I'm wondering if the baby has been fussy all night or something and she's been tearing her hair out and needed a break. That's fine, I would do what I could to help, but what happened today was so far out of order.

I'm really bloody angry still.

she will sit on car and feed her.

I hope.

:( poor baby

in car

She could feed the baby in her car its warm and safe, baby won't care.

Sorry tainted what a horribly sad afternoon for you

I hope she feeds her in the car as well. I feel terrible about making her leave without feeding the baby but I was so fucking angry I just needed her out of the house, and I thought it would be a lesson for her to hear the screaming. There was just a breezy 'I'm sorry I'm late' and nothing further.

Shopping and picking things up. Fucking hell.

I don't know what went through her mind.

If she has the nerve to ask you to babysit again just say 'no, as I can't be sure what time you'll be back after the last time'. And don't stand down. She needs to know how badly she's behaved.

I think she must be struggling
I don't believe anyone could be selfish enough to do that to their baby if they weren't
I bet she just needed to get away from it all, and once she was away she couldn't bear to come back
That said, doesn't make it any better for you OP

I am going to have a shower now. I need to cool off. Nephew will be back at 5:30 and need to feed him. Will try to be back later to read/update you all.

Thanks for all messages and support.

I wouldn't bother with the serious talk. She was shopping, and she knew her child would not take a bottle.

There are a lot of selfish, entitled people about who happen to become mothers. It doesn't mean they will switch into selfless mother mode.

If she comes to you to talk, fair enough. I just wouldn't be the one to approach her.

You must be so stressed out now.

sorry x post with loads

Poor you and baby. Sounds so stressful.

Actually, I would call her later this evening. I would tell her that you are actually concerned that she is ok because her behaviour today was not only rude it was irrational - to knowingly leave your crying baby hungry for hours??? That's not normal.

If she is feeling low, pehaps she will confide in you and if she isn't she will realise how badly she has behaved.

Good grief, you poor thing and poor poor baby. I think you definitely need to let her know how shockingly bad her behaviour was. Hope she is struggling actually. The alternative is much worse.

I'm really shocked.

could it be she was covering for something else she was doing?

Presuming it's her first child - does she have anyone about like her mum or whatever, or husband - to offer support etc?

Can't believe she has done this.

We had a screaming 6mo in the creche one year at school, I was not a helper, just there dropping off ds - nobody knew what to do, I said can we give him water from a cup - he took some water but still cried.

I felt really guilty. It's just terrible having a crying baby who is hungry/thirsty and not being able to feed them.

my niece used to do this to me and now I just refuse to watch her kids no matter what life and death story she has.