to hate it when people who can't or won't drive talk about "lift shares"

[soggy14]

I'm not talking about friends here who I may offer a lift to but various colleagues/acquaintances etc. who sign up to go somewhere/do something and then announce that they "don't drive" and so need a "lift share". I hate this. It not sharing when it is all give on one side and take on the other.

It seems that not being a driver for whatever reason somehow makes it okay for you to cadge off other people all the time and those of us who have bothered to learn to drive or who have prioritised buying a car are supposed to enjoy having someone else in the passenger seat.

"ie your contribution is the chore of driving and going out of your way to accommodate them."

That's actually a good point, a few non drivers I've met assume I drive because I think it's fun, when actually I do it because it makes sense to do so. And gain no enjoyment from it, yet they seem to think that by letting me drive more they are doing me a favour.

As a passenger, I really enjoy a car journey (except for seat belts] - compared with coaches [where they are recommended but AFAIK, not compulsory] and of course, trains [love speed] and buses [open top on a summer day is great].

I do tend to either be giving directions, or, equally often chatting with the driver. However, I appreciate needing to allow drivers to concentrate at junctions and so on, and never comment on their driving, as it would be rude.

"your contribution"

it was also to put the full onus of fuel cost on those being driven, as they would be paying that and more in a taxi. It would also help them reconsider "burdening" a driver simply because they "took it for granted" it would be "OK" to request/demand a lift (and may make them think twice/ appreciate cost of fuel, in future).

NetworkGuy my boss doesn't drive (she lives in London) and so can't see the problem - she is the worst offender - if we end up with people not turning up to a F2F meeting in London (2 1/2 hours from my house) and they are within half an hour of me she makes loads of pointed comments about the fact that they would have come if they could have got a lift, and how the trains are so inconvinient etc and often will give me more work as it is my "fault" that they are not there to help. Nothing openly said so hard to deal with - and not just me - people live ll over and all the drivers get the same.

I can see how making no clear statements but then 'punishing' you just adds to any anger about this.

If economic situation was not as it is, it would be time to change job, and let them all 'adjust' to the situation.

I can only hope that you keep your eyes open for something full- or part- time in your area.

Where are you ? May be someone I could employ in future (and no face to face meetings needed on a regular basis, whatsoever) !

PS If they live 'all over' then they may also be happy to switch to a home-based job... my needs will be (like the web site coverage) UK-wide !

NetworkGuy are you offering jobs? Can I have one?

sIL, a non driver Expects FIL to come from the next town over and driver her to work. It started out just on rainy days then became every day. He was also expected to pick up their DD from school, even though he was also picking up his other GD from school in the same town as which he lived.

This is despite SIL having all her own family in the town she lived in, and her and BiL treating MIL like shit, and FIL having health issues. FIL just too kind to say no.

I feel very angry on his behalf

Networkguy the jobs are homebased but still involve travelling - say a couple of times a month - this is why (I guess) many do not have cars.

soggy14 - maybe it is time for the boss to consider the benefits of conference calls, video over the internet and so on, so travel is no longer needed.

The time lost (getting there, and getting back, doing no work) plus the expenses payable to cover such travel, over the course of a year, would be better used in getting any necessary accounts and equipment to make travelling once a fortnight obsolete.

Even something like AOL Instant Messenger (which can be recorded to be the basis of minutes of the meeting, and allows anyone to 'butt in' if they have a relevant comment to add) would be a useful start without the need for webcams or microphones and a fast connection (would work just as well over dial-up if someone had no broadband).

Save the planet, cut carbon, stop travelling to meetings like this...

Of course the boss might need to visit different people once a quarter or so, and it mnight even be that 'regional´ meetings could be held so those staff close to some suitable location would see the boss in person, but it would mean the bulk of the travel would be by one person (of course the boss won't like being the one who stays overnight in different hotels for a week or two once a quarter).

The costs would surely be lower overall and 1 person travelling long distances is more environmentally acceptable than lots of people making frequent (fortnightly) trips, some of them quite lengthy if 2.5 hours is not the longest...

I will keep fingers and toes crossed for you if you drum up the courage to suggest it!

Serendippy - I will have to start a list soon. If my venture takes off I would need info on school holiday dates to ensure the busy periods for billing clients would avoid them, and as schools (well, PTAs) and 'local' (to where staff are) charities would benefit, I would have to grow the business in stages to have enough web servers to carry the load :)

networkguy I've tried video over the internet but we do not have good enough broadband. We do use conference calls and e-mail/messaging but it does appear that you need at least some F2F for it to work properly. The travel is to different places so it works out at one f2f every 6 months or so per team whcih seems to be necessary to get any kind of cameradery going. (Problem is that I have to go to all of them and there is always someone needing a lift. Just about all the team are female and say that their partner "has the car".) We do hav eregional meetings but the region is so big that it is never close enough.

Crumbs, does seem awkward since you need to go to them, and I suppose any excuse (like your car needing maintenance) would just make it awkward (a) for travel as you would need to go by train, and (b) because boss would still (perhaps) do something nasty as if maintenance was deliberate.

How much do you like this job ? I guess you have moved up the hierarchy if you need to go to all these meetings, so I guess there is job satisfaction but just these driving episodes have hit a level where you felt the need to 'share' your situation.

Wonder if any of your colleagues are on MN (?)

Yanbu. Nobody likes being taken advantage of, or taken for granted over and over again, especially when the person does not pay their own way.
It is great to share a car, but that should be at the car owners discretion, and people should be independent, and realize transportation is their own responsibility.
I do not drive.

YABU as I sometimes ask people to pick me up if we are going to the same place. I am still learning to drive as I do want to stop being taxied about but tbh lift sharing cuts pollution.
I read and article about how emissions are carcinogenic aswrll as a hazard to the ozone layer so the more we lift-share the better.

It would be better if we could all drive and then it wouldn;'t mean that the same people drive all of the time.

What is the ettiquette with petrol money?

I don't mind giving non-drivers lifts regulary except to things where you can drink, as it seems unfair that its always the same people not drinking.

poshsinglemum why do you think that it is unreasonable not to want to pick someone up? Lift sharing with a non driver will have no effect on polution as that person will not be driving at all. Lift sharing with a driver is different as it can be recipricated so is actually "sharing" as opposed to "cadging".

The ettiquette with petrol money is to leave a few quid on the dash or ashtray , dont ask and say " Do you want some petrol money ?" just do it , regardeless of their polite objections.

Hilarious thread. Great illustration of how some people think that if someone else has something they don't, they are entitled to ask for a share of its use.

And how other people just can't say no!

Poshsinglemum, that's the whole point of the thread. There is no sharing involved if you do not drive. It would be more aptly described as lift-taking.

poshsinglemum
tbh lift sharing cuts pollution.
I read and article about how emissions are carcinogenic aswrll as a hazard to the ozone layer so the more we lift-share the better

Going by bus has the same affect. The bus has to go to its destination whether it has one passenger or 40. So get the bus.

going by bus is environmentally better than cadging a lift though

getting the bus will mean maintenance of bus services

abandoning the bus for lifts means the bus service might be taken away

then there would have to be more car-driving

I'm with Bonsoir on the can't say no part.

If you're firm and assertive, there's no need to be impolite about refusing or declining.

As simple 'no' will suffice.

Too many times, people apologise or attempt to justify their 'no'. Why? It's not the taxman or a judge?

'No, that doesn't work for me.' End of. 'No, I won't do that.'

poshsinglemum while I may applaud you or learning to drive, I am a non-driver, and while I will gratefully accept a lift, if offered.

I would never ask for a lift that took someone off their normal route, so if someone only goes half way to where I live, I may ask for a lift to a location just short of where they would be going anyway, so they can drop me and carry on (turning whichever way into sidestreets/ the estate they are on).

It is a lift plain and simple, and "share" does not come into it.

Unfortunately, I suspect you are in the minority (as a poster) in asking for a lift in the manner you do. Other posters (who are being asked for lifts) seem to be rather peeved.

I suspect "YABU" might be turned back at you the eyes of driving contributors, and I'd agree, because even if there's a lessened environmental impact, you seem to have limited consideration for the views of whomever you ask for a lift as to whether it is convenient...

Good point, Bonsoir, but I think some may be stuck where the "just say no" solution is hardly an option (as in the case of the OP).

It's not so easy, expat, to say no when the boss expects it and can make things harder for someone, so there's no "end of" about it in some cases.

Certainly in terms of neighbours and perhaps even "friends" if they take advantage and seem to expect a lift "as a right" without showing any form of appreciation, it may be easy to put up suitable barriers rather than be "taken for a ride", but not necessarily in work situations.