to hate it when people who can't or won't drive talk about "lift shares"

[soggy14]

I'm not talking about friends here who I may offer a lift to but various colleagues/acquaintances etc. who sign up to go somewhere/do something and then announce that they "don't drive" and so need a "lift share". I hate this. It not sharing when it is all give on one side and take on the other.

It seems that not being a driver for whatever reason somehow makes it okay for you to cadge off other people all the time and those of us who have bothered to learn to drive or who have prioritised buying a car are supposed to enjoy having someone else in the passenger seat.

To anyone who says "you are going that way anyway, so it doesn't matter" and then don't offer a penny in petrol money or any sort of reciprocation. Do they use the same analogy with a bus? After all it is going that way anyway and costing the same amount of money whether 1 passenger or 50 passengers get on.

I had a work colleague who used to leave his car at home because his wife needed it to ferry the kids about - fair enough. But he NEVER offered me a lift when he did have the car.

A friend of mine doesn't drive and has asked for lifts a mile down the road on a Sunday afternoon to pick her DD up from a party because it was "cold". Or I've driven 60/70 miles to take us out for the day and paid £10 parking and then been offered half the parking money.

I don't expect anyone to do me a favour for nothing, but it seems not everyone is the same.

Unfortunately people like this seem to be on the increase.

I drive but walk to work usually because it's cheaper and saves me joining the gym.

I drive in if I need the car for meetings and one day a colleague was moaning about the rain and hinting for a lift home. I didn't offer as I was at a meeting in the afternoon and had no intention of returning to the office after. Next day I was told she had been slagging me off so I asked her if there was a problem.

In her words yes, she got wet on the way home and it was my fault. I explained I was not coming back to the office but apparently that would only have taken me 5 minutes to do (it would have been 20 at that time of day). So I pointed out the detour to her house would have taken another 20 minutes. According to her that doesn't matter as it wasn't like I would be out in the cold and rain!!!

Obviously I will never offer her a lift now!

Lots of people are grateful for lifts and offer petrol money or show their thanks in various ways. Lots of people would never ask unless in dire need. However I know plenty of drivers who just don't offer now for fear they set a precedent which ultimately leads to them losing control of their own freedom.

That about sums it up YellowDaffodil. I am more than happy to offer lifts to non drivers, do it a lot. Just cannot stand being taken for granted. Cannot abide mean people either. Of course some folk dont have a car as they are skint, I wouldn't dream of taking money were it offered. But a thanks would be appreciated.

Op this has being very revealing don't you think? Certainly seems to be a sense of entitlement about.

perfumedlife yes I do think that it is revealing. When I first posted the replies were mainly yes YABU and I thought that it was just me who did not think of myself as a free taxi service. Am glad that I'm not unique and am also interested to see how many people also have a fear of "setting a precedent" which, given some of the posts from some non-drivers, seems well founded :)

My not a driver policy is:

I know I can't drive, I make my own arrangements and they're usually paid for in advance.

If I ask for a lift and the person agrees I will offer petrol money.

If somebody offers a lift off the bat, when I don't specifically need one, I would say yes and not offer them petrol money, although I would obviously be grateful. If they wanted me to pay I wouldn't say yes, because usually I get offered a lift back when I've paid for a return already and I've not got the budget to be paying journeys twice for no reason.

YANBU! I agree completely. I regularly feel very peed off by 'some people' I know assuming that because I can drive and they can't, it's ok for me to go out of my way to give them lifts - without any more than a 'thanks' as they hot-foot it out of the car.

I would think it was odd if a group of friends didn't share a vehicle if they were off to the same venue and leaving from fairly near to each other or if they excluded one member of the group from the lift because they didn't drive.

However sharing implies just that splitting responsibility and cost etc. Sharing is not when one person gives and another takes.

I'm a non-driver and would never expect anyone to give me a lift - sometimes friends offer and I still turn them down because I dislike being somewhere under someone else's 'control' iyswim, I want to know that I can choose when to leave. On occasions when I do accept, I usually offer petrol money and I wouldn't want anyone to go majorly out of their way. So YANBU to be fed up with people expecting lifts or moaning at you (covertly) when you are not willing to offer one.

On the other hand, I have had people practically strongarm me into a car - 'of course you can't walk / get the bus / get a cab', and that's a bit irritating too when you are perfectly capable of doing just that but the person dealing with you just can't imagine having to walk in the rain or suffer the trouble of waiting for the bus.

I am the type to make crazy round trips for people if need be, but I've been burnt a few times.

One "friend" asked me to take her to collect a cake for her DP's birthday, so I did. Then she remembered she needed balloons from the other side of town, and something else and something else. Eventually we are on our way back to the venue from the party and I say "we'll just drop by my house so I can grab a change of clothes".. but no, she couldn't possibly wait for me. She then ignored me all night, was nice to know exactly why she was friends with me

And no, she didn't pay for petrol.

saying that the more people who drive the fewer on the roads is true but is similar to saying that the more people who share houses the fewer homeless.

We have a huge husing shortage in the country, esp in London and the SE, so is it reasonable to expect people with spare rooms to put others up, for nothing - they could stay in theri rooms most of the time and would be no trouble - I'm not sure why it is so different

I used to give someone a lift every day to work and I was going on holiday for a week. They had the cheek to ask me how they were supposed to get to work!!! I must be an awful human being because the thought hadn't even occurred to me! Even if you have a lift every day from someone, never assume it will always be the case and don't take it for granted.

Hammy - I think that is exactly what worries a lot of drivers.

It goes from being a favour to an expectation and then suddenly the driver is arranging their life around the passenger. It's mad.

I bet they didn't run their hoiliday by you in advance in case you were going to get lonely on the drive to work!

YellowDaffodil-Great response re their holiday. I wish I'd thought of that reply at the time!

I wondr why so many people start to expect a lift when one is offered? Agree about YDs great response re holiday

I agree YellowDaffodil it is mad but so many people do it and not just the person getting the lift. Others assume that "you will be taking so and so" etc.

That does annoy me - when a third party arranges the lift - it always seems loads harder to get out of then.

Haven't seen all the comments, but if your boss is suggesting that you drive other people, claim the extra distance on expenses at 40p a mile, every time. If he won't cough up, make a claim against tax for the essential expenditure non-reimbursed by your employer at the same rate.

There's no reason why you should be out of pocket when it's work-related.

tb our expense policy is 22p a mile and I only work part time so do not pay tax so cannot claim anything back. That's not the point though - I don't want to. If it were within working hours then okay but when it is commuting time - ie to and fro from work - then it is my time not theirs. I may want to use it to learn a language using CDs but couldn't if I had to give someone a lift.

Exactly Riven there are too many cars on the road.

I might choose not to drive because I bloody hate it but driving to and from work for me makes no financial sense at all.

I live on a direct bus route, the journey takes 25 minutes, I can buy a discounted season ticket through work and the bus uses a guided lane on the major roads that cuts through all the traffic.

If I drove I'd be lucky to get a free parking space one day a week and would have to pay the best part of £8 a day to park on the other 4. Add in fuel, road tax and insurance then I'm saving a fortune. My season ticket works out at £12 a week.

QoTN that is fine :) we all make our own choices. I have no problem with anyone who gts a bus (I used to cycle everwhere before I learnt to drive (late)). It is deciding not to drive and then expecting lifts as some god given right that I hate :)

Soggy14 reading this thread there are some really cheeky feckers out there.

When I did drive I would've told them to feck off. I never minded giving lifts but I would have been pissed off if someone had expected one. How dare they have such a sense of entitlement? Waiting by the car without being offered a lift??

Friends on my PGCE course fell out over this. One student had a car and he used to pick up 3 of us and drive us 50 mins to work. When he wanted to charge £1 or £2 a day (forget how much) there was outrage from the two girls as he dared to make a 'profit'! (you could claim money back for travel costs at the end of the term) The fact that he had running costs (tax/insurance etc) to pay for, had to get up earlier, hang around for them at the end of the day etc eluded them, as did the fact that going by train was going to be much more inconvenient and expensive. It came to a head when his car broke down, so he got his girlfriend who was suffering from 'flu to pick us up and take us all to the station, and they didn't even have the courtesy to say thank you to her.

Just remembered another one; I worked with a woman years ago who didn't drive and who lived out in a village several miles away from work. She got a lift in every day with another woman who worked in our office. One day this woman's car broke down mid-journey, and both women were over an hour late to work.

The non-driving woman spent the whole day bitching and moaning about the car breakdown as she'd "never been late for work before in her life" and basically blaming the woman who'd been kindly giving her a lift for the previous few months.

Can see your problem, Soggy14, but have you actually told your boss not to lumber you with freeloaders ?

As for those signing up to go to some event, I think they have a darn cheek. If they mention a "lift share" then I suggest you respond with a "fuel cost share" where anyone not driving pays for the fuel - ie your contribution is the chore of driving and going out of your way to accommodate them.

That's assuming you are unwilling to just say you're fed up with assumptions and if they cannot get there under their own arrangements, maybe they should not sign up for the event (however, I'm a non-driver, so admittedly I am never in an identical position).