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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not replace something that i havent seen

490 replies

Ray81 · 15/11/2010 09:26

We went on holiday back in August and my sister who is 18 looked after my house.
She had a party which she didnt ask to have and evidently one of her friends left a Ipod docking station here.

She asked me for it last week and i told her there was nothing like that in my house (although didnt know what i was looking for tbh). Now i had a real blitz when i got back from hols and was alittle worried i had thrown it out by mistake, i do tend to just go into auto pilot when clearing out. I said to her perhaps i had and thinking it would be £20 or so that i would replace it. I only said that because i couldnt be sure i hadnt thrown it away ifswim. Well she has come back to me saying it is £350 and showing me what it looked like. I havent seen it and have looked ALL over my house.

I havent got that amount of money and i dont think i should replace something that for one i honestly cannot remember seeing and 2 that wasnt my responsibility in the first place.

So AIBU to say NO i am not replacing it. surely if something is that expensive you shouldnt even take it out of your own home and be that careless with it. Whats to say he hasnt left it somewhere else and my house was the last time he could remember seeing it.

OP posts:
ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 17/11/2010 12:20

This 18-year-old was killed fighting for the in Afghanistan, but you're being unreasonable expecting your sister to feed a few birds? What are your parents smoking?

Niecie · 17/11/2010 12:40

Well done Ray81.

I am sure that the police are going to treat you seriously and I wouldn't be surprised if your family got a visit from them either. Lets hope they insist on speaking to your sister separately so your parents understand that she is an adult who has to sort out her own mess - they can't be there bailing her out all the time.

I sincerely hope that that will be the end of it for you and that they will see you mean business and can't be bullied.

Stay calm, stay strong and stand up for yourself. You sound like a nice person who doesn't deserve such a shitty family.

diddl · 17/11/2010 12:44

Well i think that you have done the right thing and I hope if nothing else your sister gets a talking to.

Balsam · 17/11/2010 14:05

I just do not get the logic of 'Well, she behaved badly but she's 18 so what do you expect, it's your fault for expecting her not to.'

Mind-boggling.

Distance yourself immediately from these people - they bring you nothing but grief by the sound of it.

Squitten · 17/11/2010 14:15

Christ. No wonder your sister has a crappy attitude towards her responsiblities when your entire family don't seem to think she needs to be responsible for anything at all!

If I were you, I would have been beyond furious a LONG time ago. You are being completely scapegoated in all this and I think you should actually stop talking to them about it because it's not helping. They have made their position clear and are evidently intent on bullying you into submission so I would stop contact with your family for the time being and let the police deal with things

Biscuitbreaker · 17/11/2010 14:31

I have read this thread with my fucking mouth hanging open!

When the police come round, I would make sure you are very organised with all pictures to hand - with notes, dates, times/details of phone calls, when the speaker dock was brought to your attention, when you noticed your ring/cash etc. This will make sure your story is credible and organised and without room for confusion.

Bloodymary · 17/11/2010 14:36

Well done for calling the police, hopefully this will get sorted out now.
Good luck.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 17/11/2010 14:44

cumfy, very valid point about animal cruelty charges. Angry

MaudOHara · 17/11/2010 14:54

Well done for calling the police - I do think its very odd that your sister has now deleted you as a friend on facebook and removed the pictures

piprabbit · 17/11/2010 15:03

BTW, the age of criminal responsibility in England is 10 years old. So yes, your DSis is an adult and should be treated as such.

"To be deemed responsible for a criminal act implies that the perpetrator must understand what they are doing and that it is wrong." And in England that is assumed to be aged 10years.

Expecting too much of a 18yo Hmm.

cumfy · 17/11/2010 15:17

Can you remember if the finches died on 30-31st August ?

There was a cold snap then and they appear susceptible.
Don't know if it was quite cold enough to kill 12 over the 2 nights though.

Otherwise, I am very suspicious that :

  1. so many birds apparently died so quickly
  2. their bodies were all disposed of, whilst food and water weren't replenished.
kenobi · 17/11/2010 15:36

I was a disorganised, babyish and useless 18 year old.

I drove my parents insane.

And despite that I would have been more than capable of looking after birds, and I would have been devastated if any live thing had died under my care.

And... If she's such a child how come your parents let her live alone at your house?

going · 17/11/2010 15:39

Ray81 really pleased you are standing up for yourself. SO sorry about the birdsSad

jessiealbright · 17/11/2010 15:52

Surely NO-ONE would kill pets to distract from missing money?

It's adding to the list of terrible failures, not distracting from it.

Unless of course your useless little sister is very good at predicting your family's reactions to things, and could foresee everything going as it has.

ZombiePlan · 17/11/2010 15:54

Well done on calling the police. Justb wasnted to clarify - did you actually see any of the dead birds? If not, I'd be suspicious that they could've been sold to someone (as they are clearly valuable). Are there any local dealers or birdkeepers who might have unwittingly bought them?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 17/11/2010 15:56

I don't think she deliberately killed them, but no water and mouldy food would do it. :(

jessiealbright · 17/11/2010 15:59

The whole thing doesn't make sense. Changing bird food is not hard to do. Nor is topping up water.

Them being sold seems more likely, actually. Given that they were apparently "binned" rather than buried.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 17/11/2010 16:29

I must comment again about the 18 year old not being responsible enough. There are children in primary school that look, care for and take responibility for their own pets. Whether its a hamster, rat, bird, cat or dog. So really, that excuse is complete crap!

cumfy · 17/11/2010 16:58

Were the birds ringed, so they could be identified as yours ?

BerylStreep · 17/11/2010 17:18

Ray,
I hope all goes well with he police tonight. Try to stay focused on the issue of the alleged thefts, and don't get drawn in to a whole 'she says he says'. Try to keep it factual.
Good luck. I agree with all the other posters who say that your family are behaving in an extremely toxic manner. TBH you could probably do with a break from them - it must be awful for you.

sapphireblue · 17/11/2010 17:21

Good luck from me too. And as Beryl says, keep it factual and try not to let it turn into a 'he says she says'. Make sure you have your photos printed out ready too.

JamieLeeCurtis · 17/11/2010 17:50

< shakes head in bewilderment >

Good luck OP.

mumbar · 17/11/2010 17:52

Sorry your going through this Ray81. So pleased you've called the police and I think you've been given great advice on here.

Keep us posted and we can support you as your going through it.

Original poster
Ray81 · 17/11/2010 18:35

Hi all,

The police officer called me and took details over the phone, he explained that to be able to find out who took my stuff they would need to forensicly link whom ever was at the party to money box and place where the ring was kept, as so much time has lapsed between now and then thats not going to happen. He said he will call my Dsis and get the names of the people at the partys but the likely hood of us ever getting these things back or finding out who took them is basicaly non existant. The only thing we can hope is that we can get something back from our insurance.
I didnt mention the birds to him as as pointed out that realy isnt anything to do with stolen items.

My other Dsis is still arguing with me over this and trying to justify what my Dsis has done by still saying that she is 18 and it should have been expected.
they are also saying it is funny how suddenly my stuff has gone missing. I have told her i dont want to talk to her anymore about it as we are not going to agree that what other sis has done.

I know damn well they i am being blamed for this and it is making me very Sad. They are trying to make me feel sorry for Dsis because her friends are going to be questioned and she thought she could trust them all, and she is getting the blame for the birds etc etc which is actualy making me feel guilty even though i know i shouldnt but it is just in my nature.

OP posts:
cep · 17/11/2010 18:46

Ray am sorry to hear you're going through all this, sounds absolutely awful. Am glad you reported it to the police. i find it odd that although your ds was told to phone the police and was then subsequently advised that you and the 'friend' should report it, now that you have you're being made to feel guilty.

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. There's nothing you can really do about the birds now unfortunately as you can't really prove anything. But i really would consider just cutting them off they really do sound like poison. I'd change your number and delete them all from fb, because i don't think they're going to stop going about this.

At least you'll have your dh, dc, your aunt and friends, people who really care about you and want the best for you.