To not replace something that i havent seen

[Ray81]

We went on holiday back in August and my sister who is 18 looked after my house.
She had a party which she didnt ask to have and evidently one of her friends left a Ipod docking station here.

She asked me for it last week and i told her there was nothing like that in my house (although didnt know what i was looking for tbh). Now i had a real blitz when i got back from hols and was alittle worried i had thrown it out by mistake, i do tend to just go into auto pilot when clearing out. I said to her perhaps i had and thinking it would be £20 or so that i would replace it. I only said that because i couldnt be sure i hadnt thrown it away ifswim. Well she has come back to me saying it is £350 and showing me what it looked like. I havent seen it and have looked ALL over my house.

I havent got that amount of money and i dont think i should replace something that for one i honestly cannot remember seeing and 2 that wasnt my responsibility in the first place.

So AIBU to say NO i am not replacing it. surely if something is that expensive you shouldnt even take it out of your own home and be that careless with it. Whats to say he hasnt left it somewhere else and my house was the last time he could remember seeing it.

Well spoke to sis on the phone was realy arsey with me and said dad had suggested going to police, i agreed.

My Dad made her phone them and they told her that her friend needs to report his ipod docking station and i need to report my ring and money. so i am going to call them tomorrow.

My Mum called and had a conversation re everything and basically she was blaming me for it all saying i should never have asked her to look after the house, should have told her not to have people over, was expecting too much from an 18yrold. sadly i know that now.

Now i will report tomorrow and call insurers they may cover it hopefully.

am wondering what they will do tbh re this ipod thing because i never saw it in my house when i got home suppose thats all i can tell them.

i am just so tired of it all.

Spoke to my aunt tonight who i am very close with and she got very angry on my behalf and that i shouldnt just lie down and take it anymore.
Hopefully me doing this will mean they wont try to walk all over me again.

Needless to say i realy dont want to speak to my sister ever again when she spoke to me she said " these things have only gone missing since i mentioned the ipod docking station" i wanted to tell her to F off.

An 18 year old is an adult. Why was her house-sitting and feeding some birds (supposedly) expecting too much of her?

By the way, if all this happened three months ago, then there might be a sticking point with the insurance company. You're meant to tell them straightaway. And as you said before, you gave her a key and she invited the people over. Tricky.

Your sister needs a good slap, frankly.

I'm not surprised your Aunt was angry on your behalf - I am too and I don't know you!!

You sound like such a good person and your only fault was in trusting your (very untrustworthy) sister.

Hope you get some peace from all this soon.

so i am going to call them tomorrow.

NOOOO!!

They are fucking you over.

They are getting their story in 1st and you'll spend all the time telling plod "no it's not like that".

You need to contact them now and explain your sister is creating smoke and mirrors.

eg
"A whole load of stuff went missing in August, perhaps or perhaps not including ipod thing which is probably a red herring to distrtact from all the other stuff that went missing."

I expect they have been following this thread and are beating you to the punch, given so much advice to contact the police.

So assume they are reading this too!

Good.

Call the police, call the insurance, then leave your family to their bitterness alone. Your lovely aunt is all the family you need, along with DH an DCs.

Call the police tonight. Go do it now.

expecting too much of an 18 year old? fuck right off with that one, your parent is talking out of their arse, my husband had moved out of his parents house a year at age 18. and i know plenty of girls who were responsible adults at age 18 - perhaps not the most wordly, but would never have dreamed of doing something like this. talk about making excuses!

phone the police, you have been treated so, so poorly by your family members here. absolutely fucking unbelievable, i've got more and more gobsmacked as i sit here reading the thread

I think you need to contact the police first. They are going to tell their story... And that story is you knicked it. You will be treated like a suspect instead of the victim that you are.

Stop being a victim and get into action.

Harsh words yes but from what you have written so far, they seem like the kind of people that will rush in all guns blazing, and it will look like you are covering something up by not going to the police first.

Please ring them tonight. Do you really want them telling the police their "version" of events first?

I really don't think the police are going to be all that interested in a crime that may have happened back in August. Yes, by all means report, but don't expect any action.

FFS I used to look after my parents house and menagrie of pets (inc. an avery) when I was 16 and started refusing to go camping with them and my little sisters.

I managed not to kill any of the pets, hold parties or have anything stolen.

When I was still in school I looked after a neighbours rabbit, the rabbit survived as did their house and all of their possesions.

Why do you family think this is okay because your sister is 18? Many people leave home to go to uni at 18. They cope as they are ADULTS.

If I were in your position not only would I be calling the police but I'd be considering cutting contact with my family.

OldLady

Yes, now DS has managed to get her story in and make it seem a domestic "something or nothing, couple hundred here, couple hundred there" tennis match.

But if OP had managed to give her account 1st, with £500+ stolen, possible party photos of suspects, and a possible animal cruelty charge.....

I don't think you were asking too much of her to house sit for you. An 18 year old is an adult, not a child. Yes she is young, but at that age she could have her own house and family. At 18, I regularly house say for people. I would never dream of having a party. I did on occasion, have a couple of people over to watch a film and eat but that was it. There is a clear difference between that and a party and to suggest that an 18 year old cannot tell the difference is insulting.

I would suggest that your sister knew your things had been stolen and that the birds dying was her fault so she hustled up all this stuff about the docking station to cover everything up - she gets to be angry at you rather than the other way round. And it's working! You are focusing on the stolen stuff rather than the fact that she killed 12 of your birds!

I very much doubt that someone else's docking station brought temporarily into your house would be covered by your insurance. Suggest the friend claims on her parent's insurance policy, assuming she can prove owenership (receipt, photo of possession etc) - which I doubt. You normally have to report the loss within a short, reasonable time period to be able to anyway - do they seriouslye xpect you to lie too ?

Pfft

And it's working! You are focusing on the stolen stuff rather than the fact that she killed 12 of your birds!

My thoughts are along similar lines, but I also think that she may have killed the birds off to distract from the stolen ring and money.

If the birds are supposed to have died of dehydration, this would have happened in the 2nd week not after a few days as claimed.

The point is that there is distraction being employed in one form or other.
And that of course speaks volumes.

Do you think, cumfy?

How awful

Possible.

Remember OP didn't seem very concerned when DS reported that 4 had died ?
Maybe DS thought more would need to die to cause sufficient distraction.

Just catch them in a bird net and ...

Well the police have been called(i called them) and they want to speak to me and DH are so are coming over tonight to speak to us.

They have said it is classed as a Burglary as although Dsis invited them into the house they did not have MY permission to go into the bedrooms where these things were.

I mentioned the Ipod station to them aswell but made it clear i have NOT seen this item in my house at all it was not here when we got back from hols.

My sister has now taken the photos off of facebook but my friend emailed them to me so i have them to show the police if i need too.

I didnt get a chance to get back on last night so didnt see you message re going to the police last night, which of course you were all right again and i cannot beleive i am still being so bloody trusting and niave about this.

I did tell the police i didnt feel the need to look to make sure things were there when i got back from hols as i didnt think for a second anything would have been taken FFS.

Ok so Cumfy i realy do not want to think of my sister killing off birds, we were very upset when we were told 4 had died and went over everything she should be doing and she assured us that she was doing it all. according to my mum i should have phoned more than once to check she was doing things properly. so agian the blame is put back on me.

I'm glad and sorry you have had to call the police, hopefully this can now be sorted out.

Good on you. Hopefully this will give them a shock. They are awful, awful people. Your mum I am sorry to say is starting to sound like a witch.

It sounds like the the Sis was very responsible when she looked after the house and birds the previous year, you had every reason to think she'd be responsible again, OP. Her latest behaviour makes sense in the context of being immature, not malicious or toxic, imho.

Am very sorry to read you're going thru this. I hope you can find a good professional house sitter/animal carer for next year's holiday.

What kind of birds were they, I'm not sure if you ever said? I used to be a parrot geek long ago.

When I was your sister's age, I was a student nurse working on the wards in a big Manchester hospital. I was the most junior member of staff, but I was still expected to take responsibility for the work I had to do, and the care of my patients. At the age of 19, I did my first night duty, and was in sole charge of the ward during the night staff nurse's two half-hour meal breaks.

All the girls I trained with were a similar age, and expected to take responsibility for our lives and the lives of those in our care, so to excuse your sister by saying that you should have been in her ear, nagging her every day to make sure she'd done the very simple job she'd been left, is doing her no favours - she is going to have to grow up and take responsibility some time, and better sooner than later.

My boys are 13, 15 and 17, and all have morning paper rounds - and they are expected to set their alarms early enough that they can get to the shop, do their rounds, and get home in time for breakfast and a shower before school. We do give them some help (dropping off papers at points round their routes on saturdays and sundays when the load is too heavy, rescuing them on the odd occasion when they have a puncture, and sometimes driving them when the weather is really foul), but we have stressed to them from the start that they are providing a service for their customers and need to make sure they provide that service - and they have all stepped up and taken that responsibility.

So if my 13-year-old can do this every day, seven days a week, almost every week of the year, I think your sister could have got her act in gear and remembered to feed your birds! And feel free to show her this post - and your mum as well, because your mum is doing your sister no favours by babying her and making excuses for her (that is aimed at your mum, not you, OP).

I've just seen your thread for the first time and am completely shocked at the behaviour of your family. An 18 year old shouldn't be expected to feed a few birds??! What utter nonsense! My parents had birds in an aviery for years when I lived at home and one of my jobs was to feed/water them at the weekend.....I was only 12/13!

I can't understand why your parents are sticking up for her over you, and can only assume that she has told them a stack of lies to make you look like the bad guy.

Do you think it's possible that your sister herself has stolen these items (including the docking station)?

Oh my God, you poor thing. Nothing more to add to the great advice you've been given, except another voice to say that it so isn't you with the problem here. What a vile bunch they sound.

Try not to be drawn into any more drama with them, let them get on with it. They will be enjoying getting a reaction from you, sick as though that sounds. I hope you somehow manage to get your ring back though, that must be upsetting to lose