To not replace something that i havent seen

[Ray81]

We went on holiday back in August and my sister who is 18 looked after my house.
She had a party which she didnt ask to have and evidently one of her friends left a Ipod docking station here.

She asked me for it last week and i told her there was nothing like that in my house (although didnt know what i was looking for tbh). Now i had a real blitz when i got back from hols and was alittle worried i had thrown it out by mistake, i do tend to just go into auto pilot when clearing out. I said to her perhaps i had and thinking it would be £20 or so that i would replace it. I only said that because i couldnt be sure i hadnt thrown it away ifswim. Well she has come back to me saying it is £350 and showing me what it looked like. I havent seen it and have looked ALL over my house.

I havent got that amount of money and i dont think i should replace something that for one i honestly cannot remember seeing and 2 that wasnt my responsibility in the first place.

So AIBU to say NO i am not replacing it. surely if something is that expensive you shouldnt even take it out of your own home and be that careless with it. Whats to say he hasnt left it somewhere else and my house was the last time he could remember seeing it.

Maryz Yes i feel sorry for my little sis too (10) and all through this i have tried very hard to keep DD (8) completely unaware of whats going on.
I never asked Dsis to tell me this she offered the information when i drove her home last night, i dont think it is right that she gets involved she is far to young bless her. I should have told her not to tell me and not get involved, i should have been the adult in that conversation.

Sorry about the inconsistancie in the birds, she told us 5 died and when we got home it was 11. Theres alot of confusion with the birds tbh its alot like "it happen this way" and then "no actualy it happened this way" from my Dsis and Dad, i'm almost inclined to think they are doing that to confuse me.
The thing is with the birds is we cannot prove she killed them, it may have been something else however we do know she didnt feed them properly or give them water. Which was just plain bloody lazy and mean.

The big issue now is the stolen stuff and i am inclined to beleive that someone from the second party walked off with it all, if Dsis was drunk enough which she probably was she wouldnt have noticed would she.
Although i always thought that they didnt care about me and Step dad didnt treat me the same its very hard to hear that it is actualy true and it realy hurts esp from a 10 yr old. and i cannot say anything about what they have been saying around Dsis (10) without getting her into trouble and i wouldnt want to do that.

Looked at houses on the internet last night near ILs and you can get some nice ones for a resonable price. I spoke to DH and said i just didnt want to be here anymore i just know if we stay then i will end up getting sucked in again and then something like this will happen again in the future and of course i will get the blame.

To who asked re dad being violent and is that why my mum has had to protect Dsis when they have done things. No he isnt violent but does get very angry and shouty and will go on and on and on about it and hold it against you for a very long time and that is why my mum tries to protect them from him.
He is a very controling man tbh and still controls Dsis that have left home. Example being that if he goes around her house and it is abit of a state (not Tidy) he will have a go about it telling her she needs to tidy up. She is a adult with 3dcs and she still gets this from him.
It was the same thing with my aunt that time he wanted to be able to tell me i couldnt talk to her and didnt like it when i did and thats why we fell out. He will still say i am "up her arse" because i am very close to her and go round and see her alot.

"She is a adult with 3dcs and she still gets this from him."

Then she needs to tell him to mind his own business/stop letting him in/inviting him round.

It sounds as if your mum is in an abusive relationship and that´s her decision.

Perhaps moving closer to ILs would do you all some good.

Sad for your daughter to change schools maybe, but the positive of seeing a "normal" family & being away from the drama of yours might well outweigh this.

I still can't believe all this hassle is because of some bloody Ipod thing. Are your family so bored that they have fixated on something that has absolutely nothing to do with them - honestly - why do they care about this thing that belongs to someone most of them probably haven't even clapped eyes on. It's beyond weird. Is most of this coming from your Stepfather rather then your sister. If he really favours the others and is perhaps trying to get back at you, you did say he is very unreasonable and goes on about things for ages - my father was exactly the same, no physical violence but everything had to be hidden from him as it just wasn't worth the hassle.

I've also been lurking on this thread and I really, REALLY think you need to move away from your very toxic family. Poor, poor you.

I had a bad relationship with my stepmother and my father who always took her side. Moved to China to get away from him. Worked like a treat! Perhaps you don't need to go to these lengths though... near to in-laws sounds much better!

Also agree with diddle that this toxic family environment (not only your vile family but also the stress it's putting on you and OH) is far worse for your daughter to see than for her to move an hour away.

I'm in the process of moving away from my toxic family. Not quite as far as beijingaling but a couple of hours and it will make all the difference! I hate livign here because everywhere I turn are bad memories and reminders, I want a nice clean fresh start away from it all.

Do it, you need to get some distance. Take it from me they will never change.

THe one thing I took from (months of) counselling is that you can't change other people, only how you react to them. So please, look out for your own little family, and don't kids yourself that all this shit doesn't impact negatively on them. It does. And they don't deserve it any more than you do.

I was merely trying to point out that in this awful situation there is alot of 'he said / she said' accusations and its easy to get confused and lose sight of the truth. with people on all sides making mistakes.

The OP is understandably very upset by the situation hence my 'cut yourself off and get on with your life' comment.

Just an update. Have heard from my contents insurers and they will not cover any of the items stolen. Am sat here crying my eyes out we are well out of pocket and all because my sister let people we didnt know into our house.

Oh Ray, I'm so so sorry.

Thanks Tellnoone, you can bet though that my family will still want me to replace the ipod docking station.

Me and DH have decided we are now going to move away from my family and live near MIls which is about an hour away.
I just need to get away from them.

Ray sorry you've not had the response you wanted from the insurance company - I'm beside myself with rage at your sis and the rest of the family.

I think you will feel happier with distance between you and your family and hopefully be more supported being near your ILs

Sorry Ray.

At least moving sounds like it's going to be very positive!

Have the police done anything else regarding the theft of your items?

Oh Ray, that it awful. I'm really sorry.

But, if anything good can be said to have come out of all this mess, at least you've seen what they're like and you're taking steps to move and look after your own family. It will be better, I promise. You're making the right decision. All the best. xx

Sorry tohear that you ahve lsot stuff. However, do not pay up for the ipod thingy, at all.

Hi Ray, I've been lurking on this thread since you first posted, and as it progressed it's been progressively more and more horrifying that a family could be so poisonous to one of its members. I wish you the best with your move, and hope you find yourself happy and supported. X x x

I'm so sorry you've been through all this. I'm sure you're doing the right thing to move away.

Tell them you have involved police about the theft, and any further questions/problems/complaints/demands for money can be made via police or insurance companies.

Then tell them not to contact you again. About anything.

Give your 10-year-old Dsis your contact details and tell her to get in touch anytime.

Ray, it is a drastic step to move away, but one which I think you are completely right to do in the circumstances. Good luck.

so sorry ray81. i do think you're doing the right thing by distancing yourself, both physically and emotionally.

Hi have had a text from Dsis (18) saying "so are you going to replace the docking station or find it at all as i know for a fact i left it at your house"

I dont know whether to ignore or text back. And what do i text back?

"No."