To not replace something that i havent seen

[Ray81]

We went on holiday back in August and my sister who is 18 looked after my house.
She had a party which she didnt ask to have and evidently one of her friends left a Ipod docking station here.

She asked me for it last week and i told her there was nothing like that in my house (although didnt know what i was looking for tbh). Now i had a real blitz when i got back from hols and was alittle worried i had thrown it out by mistake, i do tend to just go into auto pilot when clearing out. I said to her perhaps i had and thinking it would be £20 or so that i would replace it. I only said that because i couldnt be sure i hadnt thrown it away ifswim. Well she has come back to me saying it is £350 and showing me what it looked like. I havent seen it and have looked ALL over my house.

I havent got that amount of money and i dont think i should replace something that for one i honestly cannot remember seeing and 2 that wasnt my responsibility in the first place.

So AIBU to say NO i am not replacing it. surely if something is that expensive you shouldnt even take it out of your own home and be that careless with it. Whats to say he hasnt left it somewhere else and my house was the last time he could remember seeing it.

Why on earth would you stay in contact with people who allowed you to get a caution! If it had gone further you could have actually ended up with a criminal record that affected you for years.

I know it is very very easy for us to say cut contact but what do these people actually give you that is in anyway positive or enhances your life?

Please consider talking to a neutral third party to get to the bottom of why you think you should be and allow these people to treat you like this!!!

Oh and the answer to your DS re paying for the docking station is no. If she had been that concerned it would have been mentioned much much earlier.

If it were your prized possession that no one else was allowed to touch would you be patiently waiting for 3 months without kicking up a fuss?

It's all bull shit.

Funnily enough i dont know what she told them, she didnt see what happened as she was in the house at the time and she was very upset by it all an she never saw the woman again (as far as we know).

I dont think she has a drug habit tbh, my mum would notice she deals with that in her work. (goodness am giving alot away about myself arent i).

The thing is before all this and since the thing with my aunt she has been very responsible, looked after the house last yr with no problems at all, infact she did so well i paid her for doing it. We got on very well, never argued, she would talk to me and i would stick up for her if she got into arguments with my other sisters and could understand that she was resentful to my mum and dad as she was realy pushed out when Dsis (10) came along.
I think i never did myself any favours she has obviously seen me as the "cool" sister and thought perhaps that i wouldnt mind people in my house but we all have boundaries.
I have thought about it and if she had asked me re having people over i may have said yes and laid down some ground rules but i never had that chance did i.

I wouldn't mind people in my house. My sister often has people over when she house sits.I trust no-one with my dogs so she just has the house and the cat to deal with.

She always asks despite her friends being DH's friends and known to me. And she has never invited more than 3/4 people at a time for quiet drinks/pizza etc. Nothing has ever gone missing. A PC keyboard had a drink spilt on it once and was replaced before we got home with a similar model, but that's about it.

And I am the cool sister. There is a difference bewteen thinking you wouldn't mind a few people over and inviting 15 people you have never met for a party after she had neglected your pets.

Your sister is taking the piss. If she had asked I doubt she would have adhered to the ground rules.

But at least she would have shown some respect to her sister by asking her.

I'm beginning to think something even odder is going on behind the scenes. Your sister is responsible one year. The second, she's apparently changed personality. Your family say "well, what do you expect of an 18 year old?" When she did the job adequately at 17. And they never said "oh, I don't think your sister can handle that responsibility" beforehand, this year, did they?

They've pretty much admitted she didn't go in everyday, or at least one of your sisters admitted that by mistake (at the school gate, was it). Your mother has apparently been coached to lie about forgetting to collect it, each and every week, for three months. And she's keeping it up.

WHY?

Could one of your family have debts to a loan shark? And they've made up this story to get the money from you?

Or is there something wrong with your sister, and that's why they're siding with her? I know it's a horrid suggestion, but I've been wondering that for several pages, and your latest posts are making me wonder it even more.

I have no idea what is actually going on tb,

what gets me is that she has been caught to be lying several times over all over this and she is still being backed up.

Firstly it was the birds, told us 5 had died, told my parents 8 and then it turned out to be 11.
She said she only had 7 people in my house and now it was between 11-15 people on 2 different nights.
Evidently now one went upstairs, even though the toilet is upstairs. But according to her posts on FB people infact stayed over!!!
The ipod docking Station was apperantly here even though she has seen me lots of times since we got back and never mentioned it to me herself.
It was brought into my house on the first party when the friend wouldnt allow anyone to touch it, it was then left here for 2 days until the second party that this friend was not present at and then again left for another 3 days until she left here and never took it with her. [umm] And i have NEVER seen it.
My mum and sisters knew that these parties were going to take place and never told her NOT to have these parties even though they are adults too and wouldnt allow it in their homes. They knew damn well she hadnt asked me.

My mum is well known for lying to protect my sisters. One of my other Dsis run up 2 £500 phone bills when she was younger this was hidden from my Dad.
The Dsis in question has used my mums debit card without mums consent and this has been hidden from my Dad so i could well beleive she is infact possibly lying to protect her. Perhaps she has told my mum it was here and my mum beleives her so thats why she lying for her.

And still after all these things they are still happy to beleive her over me. WTF WHY?

Because, sad, horrible and nasty as it is, she prefers them to you.

CUT THEM OFF.

It will be worth it, you don't need this kind of thing.

Please don't beat yourself up about the whys. Some people are just jerks. Sad but true.

Putting everything else aside, even if your mum believes that the docking station was at your house, that does not make it your problem to deal with or mean that it´s disappearance is your fault, or in fact anything to do with you at all.

And why was it up to you to collect your sister from the woman who attacked you?

I remember once saying something to my dad about my sister.

It was nothing big iyswim & I got a sort of generic "oh dear" from him and he changed the subject.

And I realised hell would freeze over before he would side with one of us against the other.

I just wanted to add my best wishes and support to you - am using mumsnet as a distraction while life is difficult for me, but I am utterly gobsmacked at how your family have manipulated you.

Divorce them. You sound like a lovely person and do not deserve this stress.

I hope it all gets resolved soon.

Gosh, just read this thread. How absolutely horrible for you.

My neighbours have a Bose sound system like the one that is missing and believe me you would not have overlooked it.

Distance yourself from your nasty and manipulative family. For your sake, and for the sake of your real family - your DH sounds like he has put up with a lot of shit from them.

Distance is a wonderful thing. Emotional distance will force them to find a new scapegoat or to confront the behaviour. You have a new family now - your DH. Difference is you chose him, and he you. You are not saddled with him because of someone elses choices.

Focus your energies into growing strong with him and with his help, to get some distance between you and what can only be described as a toxic family.

No family is supposed to have favourites, but yours clearly and blatantly do.

Having read through this thread yesterday, and having had to read more today (can't keep up), may I just say that either this is not true, or your family are weak, vicious, disloyal and dishonest. You said at one point that you hated confrontations, but life with them is a series of confrontations, so if you truly hate confrontations, better to do the big one, and then let your nerves recuperate in the blissful silence of peace. Also, I totally agree with the poster (somewhere upthread - very sorry not to go back to check who it was) who pointed out that your DH is suffering from your not having shut down this bullshit before. He sounds a reasonable man, reasonably angry, and deserves to see you fighting back. You two are on the same side.

Have you changed the locks?

agree with shongolo. distance yourself. and get counselling - as I imagine you could do with someone independent to unload on about how badly your family have treated you. don't claim on the insurance for the mysterious elusive Bose, given there's a 99.9% chance it doesn't exist. btw my ipod dock cost me 3 pound....

agree with shongololo (love the name - i used to call them shongolulus as a kid).

you have a new family now. time to move on.

Another Update.

My Dsis (10) whom i pick up from school for my mum told me today that she had told my Step dad that she thought that he didnt treat me the same as the others and that she beleived me. Bless her.
she also told me that they have all been talking about me and saying that i am lying about my stuff going missing to take the heat off the ipod docking station WTF, and that my step Dad had said he didnt want me in the house anymore. Dsis then said my Mum stuck up for me and said NO you wouldnt treat the others like this and take sides with them so he shouldnt do it with me.

It hurts i am sitting here wanting to sob my heart out and am now seriously considering moving closer to ILs who live about an hr away and have always been lovely to me and DH. I know MIL would go part time to look after DD when i go back to work but am worried about DD1 (8) as i would be taking her away from her school and friends and everything. I just dont want to me near these people anymore they have hurt me so much and clearly do not give 2 flying fucks about me.

I feel so

Oh goodness, this sounds like it's really opened up a can of worms, you poor thing :(

Oh Ray - nothing to add to this other than to say that you sound lovely and don't deserve the treatment you have received from your family

Oh ray I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

I'm sure dd could make new friends at a new school if you really needed to move.

To be part of a happy and safe extended family rather than seeing her mum all upset by some horrible and vile peole may be worth it. I hope things sort themselfs out for you soon (and I'm glad your mum is finally sticking up for you)

It sounds like your stepdad rules the roost. Why has your mum had to lie to him to protect your sisters before? Is he violent?

So this is the reason they didn't want you picking DSis up ?

They knew she was on your side.

So at least you have an idea where the split is (Mum+LittleSis v Dad+S2+S3).
So it's not all bad.

I still sense this largely revolves around DS18 pushing everyones buttons, creating dramas and crises.

Can you get your Mum on her own and talk it over with her ?

Oh you poor thing!

Look, just because they are your Mum and Dad doesn't mean you have to like them or live near them. I think your idea of living near your ILs sounds excellent and although it might be a little hard on your dd1 at first, she would more than likely make new friends very quickly, my sis and I moved house at around that age and we both made very good friends in our new schools and neighbourhoods. And your MIL sounds lovely, like the sort of person who would mother you a bit and God knows, you sound like you need it!

Agree they sound awful, but your Sis isn't the only one that can make mistakes about how many birds died.

Your own posts contradict each other.

Ray81 Mon 15-Nov-10 16:17:36
asecret- Dsis phone us 3 days after we had left to say that 4 birds had died. We never heard anything else, when we got home 12 birds had died, she told us 4, told my dad 8 and it turned out to be 12. thats why DH was soooooo pissed off with it.
Ray81Fri 19-Nov-10 08:06:48
Firstly it was the birds, told us 5 had died, told my parents 8 and then it turned out to be 11.

Don't think anyone is being honest here. Sounds like a right mess. Cut yourself off and get on with your life.