to think women taking

[waterbaby100]

their husbands surname when they get married is a completely outdated, archaic practice?

YANBU. But women are perfectly entitled to do it anyway. I respect their choice but remain baffled by the continuation of the practice in modern times.

notquitenormal: My surname is not my father's name, just because it came from him. It is MY name. It became mine when it was given to me.

This - totally. It's not the origin of the name that matters, it's the common decision to change your original name because you're legally tying yourself to a man that puzzles me most.

I've heard all the good, bad and ugly reasons why individual women choose to take their DH's surname but I still don't get why the majority do it.

Fluffy, what most people don't seem to realise is that in Britain your maiden name will always be your name - it's the same law - you may use your husband's name as your name if you wish, but by the same token, if you decided later that you want to use your maiden name, then you cna - it's stil lyour name by law.
(almost like Mrs Dh'sname is an honorary title)

Ok Sullwah that is the WEIRDEST argument ever! Seriously . I know of lots of family members with different surnames sharing the same grave stones and it would have to be a MAJOR disaster to get a big enough memorial to be worrying about the alphabet! Still, I get what you're saying, yes it is tidier to all have the same name.

I didn't realise that either nickel!

Problem solved.

Like other posters I like the idea of being a unit.

Sullwah, that's so totally insane a reason that I think I love you!

YANBU it is archaic but I do find it hard to get worked up about it most of the time. I'd be pissed off if someone tried to dictate to me that I should keep my name as much as I'd be pissed off if they tried to insist I change my name. It's my choice.

Re the woman's surname being the father's name my surname was my mother's name and it became mine when it was given to me. Much the same as if my grandmother had given me a necklace, for example, it would have then been mine.

My children have their father's name, for various reasons, some of which no longer exist because I'm a different person now to what I was then but 16 & 18 years down the line I'm not going to insist that they change it

Yes OP, completely agree. (Kept my name, BTW.)

Surely it depends why you do it? My DH and I discussed it and we agreed on his surname (he is only male in this generation in his family, I have brother whose wife has taken the family name).

I think it is hideous if you marry a man who says "my name or else". But then if he was that unpleasant would you marry him?

Waterbaby and Hectate - thank you

I guess it's because my husbands parents each lost their entire respective families in the war.

I've heard all the good, bad and ugly reasons why individual women choose to take their DH's surname but I still don't get why the majority do it.

perhaps because they want too

Iceland do it well. Everyone keeps their own name, and if I was called Gudrun and had a daughter her surname would be Gudrunsdottir. If my son's father was called Magnus his name would be Magnusson.Or something.

Like MaMoTTaT I'm in the middle of a divorce and keeping my married name. I loved changing my surname and like having the same surname as my DCs. I just loved it all really. Shame the man had to have an affair though But I loved changing my name. But different strokes for different folks and all that As long as it's your choice, I agree I wouldn't want to be dictated to about what I chose.

And this 'unit' thing. I thought of myself & oh as a 'couple' when we dated,still a couple ( 2 separate people but together) when we hitched and as a family now we have DC's... Is it a girl thing to want to be part of aunit when married or do the gents also like to think of themselves as a 'unit' with their OHs. Boys?

2shoes - I do think women feel some pressure to do what's the norm... Just like we starve ourselves to get into that dress fir the big day while blokey ( you know who you are!) gets a looser shirt & a bigger waistcoat! Show me a groom who barely eats in the run up yo a traditional wedding??

And I'll show you a bloke fibbing to his bird & scoffing McCoys at work!

I want to get married to have the same surname as my dp and ds :( feel left out atm

Well, I can't speak for men generally. However, my DH was very supportive of it being my decision whether I considered changing my name at all, but when I said I did want to somehow have the same name, he articulated many of the same reaons I gave above. He loves us being 'the Berry's', and he does feel strongly about us presenting as a unit to the world.

3bears- propose! Or has dp already?

YANBU, it's a completely outdated and ridiculous practice.

Unfortunately I think a lot of women feel bullied into the change by partners/family/society. Not sure it's always about 'choice'.

Propose. But keep your own sodding name FHS!

I loved taking DH's name but then it is far preferable to my maiden name. (The term maiden name sounds archaic and outdated!)

I love the fact that every one in our house has the same name, and we are "Team Scavo."

Nobody blinks if a woman doesn't take their husbands name, or doesn't marry their life partner.

Actually, I think it's a non-issue these days.

I'm less surprised at women who change their name when married, though find it saddening.

What does amaze me is the number of women who don't marry, would never change their name, yet the children have the father's surname.

"It's funny how there are never any men who dont like their birth surnames and see marriage as an opportunity to change it"

really?

What is this "part of a unit" thing? Surely it makes you part of your dh's family - it doesn't make you a little group on your own?

I couldn't bear to be part of "The O'Shaunesseys" like I was in The Waltons. I love having a name that is different to my dh.

I agree with the other poster who wondered where all the men who hate their birth names are hiding! Actually I think dh's surname is horrible but he wouldn't change it to mine in a million years. Why would that be?

a gay friend of mine changed his to his husbands.

my brother, as already stated, changed his.