to think women taking

[waterbaby100]

their husbands surname when they get married is a completely outdated, archaic practice?

Maybe the Spanish have the right idea, the 2 surname thing...

I like to think of myself as still young (just!), modern, career-minded etc etc but happily took my husband's name when we married entirely of my own volition. I liked the fact it signified a new start for us, our union - and if that's seen as old-fashioned then that's fine by me. The fact that I also like his surname better than my maiden-name helped, as did the fact that our children now share our name, but these were not my primary reasons for doing it.

didn't have a drivers licence, (although actually thinking back I'm sure my provisional - unused for years - but definitely obtained well after marriage - has my maiden name on it), only had one bank account - just popped into the bank when I was in town and sorted it.

I don't actually recall it being much hassle at all.......and it did have teh advantage that it meant people realised we were a couple - as we didn't look like a "convetional" couple.

So much so that about a week after we got married (still in Zimbabwe, exH's home country - and where I'd been living for 2yrs at that point) he was driving me and my parents and brother around on a holiday and he had a jolly hard time convincing the locals that he wasn't our driver, but he was actually my husband

Nobiggy - I kept my name and go by Ms. Would only need to use title in formal situation and so I don't see need for people I meet in these circs to know my marital status.

YANBU. I didn't change my name because I couldn't see the point. I find it a shame that so many women change their names so that their family will all have the same name - why is that important? and why can't the children have the mother's name?
My name is my mother's because my parents chose to follow the pagan tradition of giving dds their mother's second name as their second name and the father's second name as their middle name, and vice versa for dss. We did this for our dc too because we think it's a lovely tradition. It means that the dc both have both of our names on their passports but in a different order.

YABU - my marriage, my name, my decision. DH will be the first one to tell you that I'm nobody's property...

We wanted to have a family name for all of us and his name was not the only option discussed but I hated my maiden name, it would have sounded truly awful with his first name and even worse as a double-barrel. I happen to like my new name very much.

YANBU - am interested in the poster above who took her DH's name because she wanted to share a surname with her children. There's a pretty big assumption there...

2 surname thing works ok (usually) if it's 2 surnames from a similar cultural background......traditional boring English with long complicated unpronounceable Zimbabwean certainly wouldn't have done.

YANBU. It's pathetic. :O

I'm married and am Ms Myname, as I have been since about 15 years old.

Depends what you mean by outdated. Do you mean that times have moved on and it's no longer necessary, or something darker?

I'm not big on marriage, and wouldn't take my partner's surname if I did because I prefer my own.

People have a choice, and should be bold enough to break with convention if they don't agree with it. Just don't get pissy when someone makes the assumption that you are/aren't married based on your names, as it is still a fair assumption to make these days.

YANBU. I struggled with this, because it seems really sexist and unfair and odd.

But I did it in the end anyway as I wanted a symbolic break from my old family and to mark a start as someone else, IYSWIM. And I like that we all have the same surname now. But I still feel a bit like a traitor.

I have to admit to a feeling of secret disappointment when my friends take their husband's name. I would not occur to me to do so myself and I am astonished that a couple of my very bright feminist friends have done so.

I'm not sure why I'm so weirded out by this and hardly anyone else is .

LadyGlencoraPalliser it would be very, very important to me to share a name with my children, yes. much more important than sharing a name with my wife.

but, you know, this is the other side of the same coin for men. If I had a different name from my children everyone would completely and unquestioningly assume that they weren't mine, that they were step children. but when a woman has a different name, people won't jump to that conclusion - maiden name is more likely explanation than step-child.

so

• wife's surname: that's entirely her choice.
• children's surname: mine please

let's say hypothetically this became a defining no-compromise issue and we ended up tossing a coin or something... then yes i think I might well have changed my name.

I agree with others who have said that "your" surname is your father's. I preferred my husband's name, which is interesting and unusual - to my maiden name which was dull and common (in the sense that lots of people have it).

If he'd had a hideous surname I'd have kept mine.

so, why is it better and less kowtowing to patriarchy to keep your Dads surname instead of adopting your husbands?

YABU, it's not outdated at all. It is current and not at all archaic to support whatever couples choose to do. I hated my maiden name so was happy to change it, and it makes life easier to all have the same surname.

I'm more bemused by intelligent feminists who choose to marry in the first place, you woulnd't catch me doing it.
FWIW DS has my surname (though his dad and I intend to double-barrell him at some point but have not got round to doing so) which caused some raised eyebrows at his dad's first school governors meeting - 'So you don't have the same surname as your son and don't don't live with him?'

I too my husbands but my sisters fiancée will take hers, it IS outdated but harmless like many other traditions. You don't have to do it so don't see the problem.

I wouldn't have minded if we kept my old surname or my husbands...I just wanted us to have the same, and for the children to then have it...so we're like a little gang iyswim.

I much prefer DH's unusual and interesting name to my dad's boring, frequently mispelled and just yurk name. I have to spell both so no biggy.

I do feel a pang of sympathy for my SIL though who gave up her beautiful interesting maiden name for my brother's name. Her choice but it wouldn't have been mine.

and besides - my DS's wouldn't have their gorgeous names if I'd kept my surname/they'd had mine - their names would have sounded shit with it.

I have enough trouble as it is with people asking me "are they yours"

"Yes they bloody well are I'm not a childminder" >> without having a different surname from them

I have kept my name for professional reasons but use my married name for family stuff. What i do find archaic is the way my FIL addresses mail to me using DH's first name i.e. I am Mrs (DH's name) then our married name. I hate it and find it postively prehistoric. DH cannot see why i am upset and says i need to read up on my protocol

Edgar- you're assumming your dad IS your dad... 1 in 7 is it or something like that who aren't actually the father of at least one of their sprogs but don't know it?? ?

"But that's an interesting assumption - why do people assume that the children with automatically have the father's name?"

It's reasonable to assume that they would, but assuming is not the same as judging. It's what happens in most cases.

In my case, DP didn't think to make a decent woman of me before getting me up the duff, so understands that our DD will take my surname. People are surprised to hear we're doing it that way, but it doesn't bother me. I feel lucky to live in a time of great personal freedom and would like to think that our children and grandchildren will continue to enjoy that. Things were very different a couple of decades ago, and still are in other countries (or even some communities in the UK).