in thinking that lots of you must have had "surprise" pregnancies which were actually secretly deliberate?

[oliviadehavilland]

I have. Twice.

I was (still am!) in a long term relationship. DH wanted children but "not just yet". I very much wanted them, like yesterday, and got fed up of waiting for DP to decide he was ready (it had been several years since I had first proposed trying to conceive).

We had the space and money and I was very sure that he'd be a fantastic father once it was a fait accompli.

So I stopped taking the pill and blamed a tummy upset when I got the "surprise" BFP a few months later. He has never been any the wiser.

Then, two years later I did it again.

DH loves being a father, often says it's the best mistake we ever made - not that that is the point, of course. He would be beyond devastated and furious (rightly) if he were ever to discover my deception.

I'm not defending my actions. They were wrong and deceitful. I calculatedly decided that if I never told a soul (which I haven't, until now, and have namechamed specially) then he'd never know. I made a judgement that it would work out well for us - far better imo than if I'd spent years getting resentful and unhappy at his unwillingness to commit to actively trying to conceive.

I know several women who have had surprise pregnancies due to contraceptive failure etc. None of them has ever said to me that it was deliberate on their part but I reckon that for some (most?) of them it must have been, just like me.

I'm sure that this happens a lot, just no-one ever admits to it. So I'm wondering...are any of you prepared to admit to "tricking" a partner into a pregnancy? Or am I way off beam and in a teeny tiny minority?

I know at least two married friends that have donet this because they were in their thirties and their husbands were dilly dallying.

Its not unusual at all and, why would anyone doubt that this isnt a legit post?

Its very common.

Someone I know did this with DC3, even had a trial "scare" a couple of months before to gauge her DH's reaction. He was gutted, actually, and I'm pretty sure he had a hunch what had happened. I've never felt the same about her since, tbh, and don't suppose he has either.

Was about to post almost the exact same thing as CMOTdibbler. Being a parent should be a joint decision, not something you trick the other person into. But I know someone who did it - her boyfriend had said he didn't want any children, she already had one with a previous partner and wanted another, and made sure it happened anyway.

i told DH i wasn't remembering all my pills...if he continues to have sex with me an di get pregnant, he can hardly be blameless?

though he was delighted, and now thrice blessed.

I didn't, but know a couple of people who I'm pretty sure did, both in in new relationships.
Madness if you ask me, and one was single before the baby was even born.

I agree about what a terrible thing it is to do - there's no defence (other than the fact that's it's all workrd out brilliantly, but I am welll aware that the end can't justify the means)

It's interesting, I'm pretty decent person. I'm a teacher, I do (a bit) of volunteer work, am nice to my family blah blah blah....

I am very upfront and rule-abiding in most areas of my life, most of time.

But this one huge deception was one I was prepared to undertake quite willingly.

It's a dreadful thing to do and if I discovered anyone I knew had done it it would really taint my opinion of them.

No decent woman does do it Barbie. I know a couple of manipulative, selfish ones who have though. VERY big risk to take, lucky your husbands did stay with you. Would've backfired a bit if you'd got your baby but hubby had buggered off leaving Junior with no Daddy, wouldn't it.

Maybe we should respect men who say that they don't want children? Imagine if we were forcibly made pregnant? Just a thought...

I have 2 friends who had 'accidents'. They are bright intelligent women and I just don't belive their protestions of contraceptive pill failure.

I mean, if you have a brain and read the instructions-what are the chances of the damn thing failing.

And don't even get me started on split condoms!!

I was straight up with wanting a baby..

baby number 2 (the surprise) was because I was an idiot and misguidedly thought I was somehow protected by breast-feeding so 9 mths later baby 2 was on the way...I'm woman enough to say i want a child..and had lots of fun trying.

believe

The pill is not 100% effective...the combined pill is over 99% effective if taken at same time everyday...95% if you take it within a few hours...the mini pill is around 98% effective.
Needed to clarify that!

Dando - Why twice? Because I wanted DC2 then and DH wanted more "eventually". I knew he'd hum and haw for years just because that's what he's like about everything.

hmm yes I must clarify - DP knew we were having unprotected sex at the right (wrong?) time of month and I didn't get the MAP so he wasn't tricked exactly. More that when I was pregnant I deigned surprise at the shock (though I was secretly very happy) as he seemed completely flabbergasted as to how it happened...

Is that still as bad? I hate to think I am morally reprehensible for giving my DP his darling and adored DD even if we weren't 'trying'

Linzi - the combined pill (if taken properly) is 100% effective - legally manufacturers can't claim this but it is.

I've had two contraceptive failures Victoria!
One was the pill and I was taking it correctly, and had been for 12 years apart from a gap to have DD, the other was the mirena coil. I've had a condom split too.

These things do happen, still I think lots of women lie about it though

I do think there's degrees of awfulness though....

Doing it in a very insecure or new relationship is a bit different to the situation I described in my OP imo.

Was thinking exactly the same thing about back firing NurseSunshine. Very lucky. Particulary when OH has told you they dont want children/ dont yet want children. Its a big risk and very unfair on poor baby.

I know the same can happen with an unplanned pregnancy, (I had one at 19) but at least the choice was neither persons or there was no trickery involved. Should the relationship not work out (because of the pregnancy), the mother is blameless/ guiltless.

I haven't done it because I didn't need to, and it is very wrong, but...

I would consider it if I had to

Haven't done this and don't know of anyone who has (to my knowledge). But I think I would if time was running out.

I'd be surprised if the men did not smell a rat, even if they played along and were honorable whilst the woman was despicable in her actions.

Lucky to have got away with it, for both the woman's sake and her child. Unforgivable risk to take on a life you are bringing into this world through deception.

And it's your way by fair means or foul.

I suppose I didn't believe your op because this seems to me something that happens in on soaps - have never come across this in real life. Yet again, MN is an education. I apologise for saying I didn't believe your op.

Linzi:- I'm sorry but I don't believe it. No drug company can actually say in their blurb that the contraceptive pill is 100% effective-it opens them up to all sorts of litigation risk-how can they prove that the woman didn't follow the instructions. If you take the pill as per the instructions it's 100% effective.

I meant to add...I still wouldn't believe most women who said it as the odds would suggest otherwise.
My doc also told me that the mini pill I was on was 98%.
"properly" means eg. 6pm on the dot every day. Now how many women could actually remember that amongst the 1001 other things?! So assuming most women don't achieve this, 5 out of 100 women will get pregnant.