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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD's teacher to use the name we gave her?

132 replies

MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:16

DD has a double barreled surname...hyphenated. She began in year2 of her school this year and then another child with the same first name joined the class....so her teacher began Calling them Anna B and Anna M....my daughter being Anna M...now...technically my DD is Anna M-S....should I say something or not? Anna M appears on lists, and charts and everything...and DD does not seem to mind but not sure how DH would feel.

Here's the thing...we are going away for a year and returning to the same school for year three...so should I just leave it for now? Or say something?

I don't feel quite comfortable with the teacher doing this...I guess it's to make things easier but it seems a bit rude to me...tell me ....what do you think and is it worth mentioning or should I just indicate to her new teacher next year that we prefer her full surname used?

I am bad at approaching things like this...I always come over as hysterical and anxious...

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 07/11/2010 16:17

Yabu. What a fuss! Seems quite inconsequential to me!

musicmadness · 07/11/2010 16:19

YABU - The M is the starting letter of her surname even if it is hyphenated. I don't see why it matters in the slightest anyway.

saffy85 · 07/11/2010 16:19

Does it really matter? Hmm

I wouldn't bother mentioning this at all, it's such a non issue really.

Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:20

I suppose the best thing would be to teach her to write the ole name which she cannot uite do atm....then she can put it on her work instead of her Anna M-S

It doesn't matter does it? You see...I sometimes cannot tell whats ok and what's not.

OP posts:
JaxTellersOldLady · 07/11/2010 16:20

you cant be going away for a year and returning in year 3 if your DD is in yr2 now.

Unless you are going immediately in which case YABU and it wont matter as you are going; besides, you should have bigger fish to fry.

MumNWLondon · 07/11/2010 16:20

If your daughter doesn't care why do you? My son is also known by his name and first letter of surname and I often think I didn't name him (say) - John "Bee" - but its just the teachers way of easily distinguishing him from the other child with same frist name.

Can't really believe you think its rude!

Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:20

I think I have has some worry over one of her surnames dissapearing...when we wanted them both to live...

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:21

jax...we will be returnig DURING year three...

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:22

Well I obviously shouldn't have thught it rude...which is why I came here...but the fact is that her surname is her identity isn't it? Part of who she is....she may becomme known by just half of it.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 07/11/2010 16:22

I cant think of anything less important Y-really-ABU!

MmeLindt · 07/11/2010 16:22

Well, it may not be very important but Anna M is not her name. Her name is Anna M-S.

If OP wanted her to be Anna M she would have called her that.

Have a quick word with the teacher - "I know it is not really important but we would prefer if Anna's notes and charts were under her complete name Anna M-S."

Littlefish · 07/11/2010 16:24

Don't even mention it. You are making a fuss about nothing.

Your daughter will still be Anna M when being referred to, whether she writes her whole name on her work or not.

My daughter is one of 4 children in her class with the same name or derivatives of the name. In fact, she's the only one who uses the full name. In spite of this, she's always called by her first name and surname. I wouldn't dream of going in to see the teacher and ask her just to call my dd by her first name.

Enjoy your year away Smile

gallicgirl · 07/11/2010 16:24

Can't see the problem really. It's just to differentiate between the two girls. I'm sure if it really bothered you then a quiet word with the teacher would get the name changed easily.

Trust me, it could be worse, I had a fellow student with the same name as me who was constantly referred to as "the other gallicgirl".

Perhaps ask your DH what he thinks and take your cue from him?

Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:25

If it's not important then why have a name at all?

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:27

gallicgirl...but I would not mind hat so much...it was still her name...not half of it.

OP posts:
saffy85 · 07/11/2010 16:28

But one day your DD may choose to change her whole name by deedpoll, or get married and take her husband's name. Or only go by her first name like Madonna Grin

How is her surname her identity? It's part of it sure, but not a huge part. Think you're being very silly by fretting about it.

RealEyesRealiseRealLies · 07/11/2010 16:28

This reply has been deleted

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gapbear · 07/11/2010 16:31

By all means, speak to the teacher. But be ready for the strangely blank look as s/he thinks "wtf?"

LynetteScavo · 07/11/2010 16:31

If it's important to you, it's important. If it's important enough, you will pluck up the courage to say something.

At nursery DD was only ever known by her nn, but DH and I used to get really annoyed when they wrote her nn on her pictures. I asked them not to, and they obliged.

If you are leaving very soon, maybe wait untill you come back in Y£ to say something.

Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:33

Yes Saffy but that would be HER choice...not someone elses who is not aeven a relation!

RealEys your post does make me feel much better...so many thanks for that.

I see what you say now about the hyphen actually making it one word.

I like the idea of the Maiden name becming the firsst name...my aiden name would actually work in that case bt it would be VERY flowery and a bit too Boho.

I think I sometimes get paranoid that people judge me for having my Maiden name in there are we're not vry posh iyswim, but that's probably my paranoia!

SO glad I asked on here!

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:34

Lynette what is an NN?

OP posts:
SE13Mummy · 07/11/2010 16:35

I think you need to take your cue from your DD. If she is happy to be Anna M then leave it, if it upsets her then bring it up.

Presumably she was straightforward Anna until an extra Anna joined the class? Did it bother you then that her label always said Anna instead of Anna firstpartofsurname-secondpartofsurname? If it didn't, then I think YABU - we teachers have enough to worry about without parents fussing about the initial used to distinguish one Anna from another.

cory · 07/11/2010 16:35

Agree with RealEyes. To most people, a hyphenated name counts as one word, therefore Anna M. is the correct abbreviation.

But anyway, if you see this as a threat to your dd's identity, you will have a lot to worry about.

As she moves up through school, she may well insist on a nickname that has nothing to do with the name you gave her.

Starting school is the beginning of growing up, which means negotiating her own way and finding out what is important to her, rather than what was important to you when you gave birth to her. This is normal and natural and to be embraced. Your job is to support her, but not to create worries for her.

LynetteScavo · 07/11/2010 17:25

Nic Name.

SleepingLion · 07/11/2010 17:32

YABU and come across as a little bit bonkers in the nicest possible way.

But on the other hand, I am very Envy if that is your biggest worry at the moment!