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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD's teacher to use the name we gave her?

132 replies

MumblingClothDoll · 07/11/2010 16:16

DD has a double barreled surname...hyphenated. She began in year2 of her school this year and then another child with the same first name joined the class....so her teacher began Calling them Anna B and Anna M....my daughter being Anna M...now...technically my DD is Anna M-S....should I say something or not? Anna M appears on lists, and charts and everything...and DD does not seem to mind but not sure how DH would feel.

Here's the thing...we are going away for a year and returning to the same school for year three...so should I just leave it for now? Or say something?

I don't feel quite comfortable with the teacher doing this...I guess it's to make things easier but it seems a bit rude to me...tell me ....what do you think and is it worth mentioning or should I just indicate to her new teacher next year that we prefer her full surname used?

I am bad at approaching things like this...I always come over as hysterical and anxious...

OP posts:
OnEdge · 08/11/2010 23:59

hang on, i have made a mistake, i thought op was abreviating for the purpose of the post. so the teacher actually says the christian name followed by a letter?

in that case yabu.

sorry i got it wrong (also one handed typing because i am expressing )

isthisanEA · 09/11/2010 01:19

OnEdge, expressing and typing - total respect Smile

CheerfulYank · 09/11/2010 01:37

Yes, hats off to you onedge :) Impressive!

OP, I don't think it's a big deal but if it'd make you feel have a quick word with the teacher, go for it.

gillybean2 · 09/11/2010 04:43

If it's important to you then get your dc in teh habit of using both letters for their surnam abbreviation.

At my ds's primary there were three girls with teh same first name in his class. They were known as name but with teh first letter of surname, but one has a double barrelled surname and was known by both letters. And no it wasn't because he surname letter was the same as eitehr of the other girls.

Are you definitely coming back to the same school and class? Will they hold the space for you for that long? If you know you are make sur eyou tell teh teacher now so registers, pegs etc can be labeled as you want. Otherwise let them know when she starts back at school which name you wish her to be known as (ie with 2 letters for surname if another child has same first name)

gillybean2 · 09/11/2010 04:44

blah, think i need to join the 'Teh' club. Putting my typos down to the hour of the day. In fact I should probably go to bed... Grin

emptyshell · 09/11/2010 07:19

When you read stuff like this, people wanting to go stamping up to school over a name quickly scrawled on stuff, having to use a second initial purely for the purposes of distinguishing it from the other child in the class with the same first name's work - you wonder why the hell anyone would go into teaching at all.

Sometimes, there ain't the space on things like bought-in reward charts to write full surnames - and there has to be some way of distinguishing between two Annas on things like that. Are teachers also being blamed now for the order of the alphabet as well? I've been blamed for many ridiculous things in my time - but haven't yet been held personally responsible for the alphabet not neatly including double barrelled versions.

5DollarShake · 09/11/2010 09:48

Seriously - the S part of her surname is not going to be phased out, simply because her Year 2 teacher just uses the first letter of her surname to differentiate her from someone else with the same first name. Seriously.

If the teacher is getting your DD's surname wrong, then equally, she's getting Anna B's surname wrong, since her surname isn't just B.

This is just a quick, temporary means to differentiate the girls, not a conspiracy to phase out part of your surname. :)

QuintessentialShadows · 09/11/2010 09:51

Do you REALLY want the teacher to be calling out Anna Mandellson-Smythewagner (or whatever)
each time your dd is addressed?

Pah! what poncetastic snob-twattery! Wink

You know, I envy you, if this is your biggest issue in life right now.

piscesmoon · 09/11/2010 13:35

Some DC have it worse-just imagine Adam Brown and Adam Bennett having to be Adam Br and Adam Be.

yellowflowers · 09/11/2010 14:07

I don't think it's unreasonable but I would try to do it without making a big deal as it was a fair assumption for the teacher to make and is fair thing for you to want done differently. Just say to teacher you've noticed your child is Anna M but you'd prefer her to be Anna M-S in future please.

Dando · 09/11/2010 14:15

I think she just wants her to be A M-S.

OP - my ds has the same and has always been Ptolemy D-G as it were on lists etc at school, or P D-G.

I wouldn't worry about the verbal stuff, but on lists, it's not hard to call her by her actual initials.

higgle · 09/11/2010 14:48

I would support the OP - my sons have a double barrelled surname being both our surnames without a hyphen. If ever I saw it written with a hyphen on school documents ( especially when we were paying an arm and a leg in school fees) I used to become incandescent with rage - toally illogical but it was just the sloppiness of it and the lack of understanding that bothered me.

cumfy · 09/11/2010 18:06

Hyphen rage ROFL :o

OnEdge · 10/11/2010 01:26

I got a double barreled name when i married and i didnt know what a hyphen was, i called it a dash Grin

fairycake123 · 10/11/2010 01:28

//I always come over as hysterical and anxious...//

LOL.

deepbluewave · 10/11/2010 08:53

I think I would be a little miffed, if for example, my daughter was called 'Marie-Claire' and there was another Marie-Claire in the class and the teacher, then decided to call her just Marie...because, it is likely, the other children will call her that and it will then stick through school and life.

I havnt read the other posts, so not sure exactly what your all talking about--think your on about surnames though.

I know if it was me in school, I wouldnt have been able to stand up for what I really wanted the teacher to call me, for fear I was being naughty, rude or cheeky.

Nic names are different, that would be her choice.

deepbluewave · 10/11/2010 08:55

oops, I only read to page 1- didnt realise there were 7 pages before I commented- I keep doing this..sorry if I have repeated what others have said.

deepbluewave · 10/11/2010 08:59

oh, Ive read--in answer to your question,,

Yes.

who gives a f*ck, its all part of being in a class-teacher has bigger things to concentrate on other than saying, Anna MS, its better than Anna 1 and Anna 2!! haha

Gooftroop · 10/11/2010 09:28

Never go into school to complain about anything unless it's crucial to life or limb. There will be such crucial issues later on - there will - and you don't want to use up your credibility fussing over inconsequential nonsense like this.

yellowflowers · 10/11/2010 10:23

I completely disagree with gooftroop - complain now and they won;t mes syou around on the big issues because they will remember you as someone who was reasonable but firm.

Gooftroop · 10/11/2010 10:51

yellowflowers

If OP complains about a hyphen they won't see her as reasonable but firm. They'll see her as a fusspot time-waster.

Parents like that get ignored in the long run.

deepbluewave · 10/11/2010 11:01

My husband is a teacher and if he came home, saying a parent had had 'words' with him over this matter- I would piss my pants laughing and then furious at the ridiculousness of human beings.

They wont get 'respect' in the future- how is this reasonable- they will be a laughing stock in the staff room. They are trying to educate your child, and for most teachers, start a passion in them about something- anything in some cases- you will be seen as a joke. Is is really important on the whole grand scale of things!

Sarsaparilllla · 10/11/2010 11:03

My first name is hyphonated but I wouldn't put my first name initials as S-A because the initial is down to the first letter of the first name

I think this is a non isssue but I don't even think it's the right way the initials should be used anyway in my mind Confused

StrictlyOogieBoogiePumpkin · 10/11/2010 11:47

When you put a hyphen in it becomes one word, so if you are using the first letter or the Christian name and first letter of the surname you only need use 2 letters.

yellowflowers · 10/11/2010 11:53

Depends how they do if Gooftroop - there are complaints and there are COMPLAINTS. If the op tells teacher she would prefer it done the hyphenated way that isn't a big complaint but the teacher probably won't mind and the op will feel better and all will be sorted amicably.