I have just thrown MIL out of my house and told her not to come back.

[ShadeofViolet]

I have posted before about MIL and her favouritism of DD over both my boys.

In our house we split the weekend so that one of us gets a lie-in. Normally I lie in on Sundays (its a common known thing withing his family) but he went out last night so we swapped.

At 8.30 there was a knock at the door and MIL was there - looking very shocked to see me answer it. She had come to bring DD an advent calendar. Nothing for the boys. DS1 was awake too and he was very upset. The advent calendar was a Dora one (DD loves Dora) and MIL made it clear it was for DD 'I saw it and thought she would like it'.

I told her to take her advent calender and stick it up her arse. I know it was a bad move but I was so upset as DS1 was in tears. Then I slammed to door in her face.

She has since sent DH a text saying 'blood is thicker than water'. DH says I should not have been rude

I am so cross - this is not the first time but its the final straw.

[Guacamole]

I'm confused, are your sons your DHs sons? Where did the blood/water thing come from?
Either way it's not acceptable, I think I would have tried to deal with it less hashly, but I can understand what you did and your MIL hopefully understands her behaviour is not acceptable!

[ENormaSnob]

Needafootmassage, I disagree there is nothing you can do about it.

Like shadeof, I certainly wouldn't have allowed such blatant favouritism to continue. For the benefit off all the children.

[Guacamole]

Post took me so long to type you answered my questions before I posted.
She is totally unacceptable. Your DH needs to tell her that until she learns how to treat her Grandchildren equally she doesn't see any of them!

[LittleMissHissingFirecracker]

So Shade, you think if she had come round and your DH was up, he'd have accepted the advent calendar? That was clearly what she was going for.

OK so perhaps you were dramatic, but clearly you have been diplomatic in the past, and it hasn't worked. To insist on equal treatment is the barest minimum any mother should be expected to do for her DC.

It's only their opinion of you that matters, the rest are merely add ons. If this blows up, then you can chuck Blood is Thicker than Water right back at them!

Well done for standing up for your boys.

Well done for setting the standard of it's all the children, it's equal or it's nothing

[TryLikingClarity]

My mad-as-a-box-of-frogs gran used to send birthday cards to us without our names in them. Instead she use to refer to us by numbers 1, 2 & 3 which was the order we'd been born. As well as that she clearly had her favourites.

OP - it's upsetting for a child to feel that way, so /i can understand why you want to protect your DSs, esp as one of them is 9 and will know the score more than a younger child.

Your DH needs to get on your side and say something.

[kickarsequeensbonfireburnup]

Yanbu, sounds to me like your MIL and your DP are both pretty thick!...........

[OnEdge]

Just be careful that the children don't see too much of the adults arguing.

[femalevictormeldrew]

YANBU at all. And the fact that she expects your DH to take her side over his wife and childrens. Does she not realise his DS is his blood too. For that she deserved a kick in the ass to shove the calendar up another bit. Please do not allow your husband to put you in the wrong over this.

She sounds like a bundle of laughs by the way, but I would have loved to see her face

[PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker]

I'm having a mini party on your behalf, well done you!!

[PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker]

And sometimes to fix something we have to break it, so this can only be positive. It's up to your MIL to apologise and your DH to mend everything, he needs to tell his mother she's a fair grandmother or no grandmother.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

Ask your husband how it makes him feel to know how little his mother cares about 2 of his children.

Does she have a daughter herself btw? Wonder if she's using her granddaughter for a chance at having a daughter.

Blood is thicker than water. well, if that's true then your husband should choose his sons over his mother!

[diddl]

She deserved the door in her face for coming around at 8.30 on a Sunday morning!

[Hedgeblunder]

I remember you OP- in normal circumstances I would say it was a bit much, but yanbu- sometimes you need to lose it!

[SpeedyGonzalez]

Shade, I'm glad that you can see that swearing at her wasn't ideal, though under the circumstances it's forgivable!

Your DH does sound wet, and rather blind. Unless he decides to start standing up for your DS he will find that DS no longer respects him, since he is failing to protect him. Is this what your DH wants? There is no question that your MIL is behaving appallingly, what a childish and conniving woman she sounds. But it is the job of BOTH parents to protect the children, not just your responsibility.

[NonnoMum]

Why does she favour one child? Are the others step-grandchildren?

[bbee]

YADNBU no way are you BU no way. DH was brought up by his mum so no way he is going to understand if he does not already.

[ShadeofViolet]

Hecate - spot on - no DD's herself. She told DH once she wished he would have been a girl.

DH has spoken to her on the phone and she has turned on the waterworks. He did say to her that she shows blatant favouritism to DD and she denied it. Apparently its DS1's fault as he ignored her

I have told DH that I dont want her in my house and I mean it.

[agedknees]

How nasty of a grown up to make a small child cry (your poor ds).

YANBU.

[Goblinchild]

So is she saying she brought enough advent calendars for all and was rejected?

[QuintessentialShadows]

Why have you let this continue for so long?

Should you not have done something before to let her get the message?

I had this from my dhs aunt, and nipped it in the bud very quickly.

[Vallhala]

The bitch!

She's blaming your nine year old?

I'd do more than ignore the old trout! Certainly, like you, I wouldn't have her in the house or anywhere near my children until she both apologised and changed her behaviour towards the DC.

[Animation]

ShadowofViolet - Blimey, she blames DS1 - she's shameless!!

[ShadeofViolet]

I have said many things before - given back presents, or tried to give advce when she went through a stage on buying DD lovely toys and the boys really crap/inappropriate ones.

I even stopped them going on a trip to Drayton Manor as she didnt want to take DS2 (who would have loved it!)

This was just the last straw, with it being the first time DS2 was really, really upset.

[AnnOnimous]

Only you know how long this has been going on and how many compromises you have already made to point this out to her.

I think you have made the right call.