I have just thrown MIL out of my house and told her not to come back.

[ShadeofViolet]

I have posted before about MIL and her favouritism of DD over both my boys.

In our house we split the weekend so that one of us gets a lie-in. Normally I lie in on Sundays (its a common known thing withing his family) but he went out last night so we swapped.

At 8.30 there was a knock at the door and MIL was there - looking very shocked to see me answer it. She had come to bring DD an advent calendar. Nothing for the boys. DS1 was awake too and he was very upset. The advent calendar was a Dora one (DD loves Dora) and MIL made it clear it was for DD 'I saw it and thought she would like it'.

I told her to take her advent calender and stick it up her arse. I know it was a bad move but I was so upset as DS1 was in tears. Then I slammed to door in her face.

She has since sent DH a text saying 'blood is thicker than water'. DH says I should not have been rude

I am so cross - this is not the first time but its the final straw.

[curlymama]

Id apologise if it makes DH happy, you don't have to mean it. But it could be what it takes for him to get 100% on your side.

[MoralDefective]

Tell her that you are 'sorry she feels that way'.
Very ambiguous,and is not an apology.
She should be apologising for being mean to DS and rude about you..
Blood is thicker than water my ARSE.[angry
DH should be sticking up for his children.

[PinkIceQueen]

ROFL FPT - agree totally! Then as others have suggested, go AC shopping together for all of your dcs.

[becaroo]

Ah yes, the waterworks...my MIL is great at that!

I had a big bust up last november with my MIL (nearly exactly a year ago actually!) and tbh although it was stressful and upsetting at the time, it made me re-evaluate a few things and now she knows that;

a) dh would drop his family tomorrow for our family (obviously I would NEVER expect him to do that) and
b) I will not put up with her shit anymore

I now do what it right for my family and if she doesnt like it its just tough....I no longer go up to her house for lunch EVERY sunday and we now spend xmas day at home...its great!

So, as horrid as this is, it night actually mean that things get better for you and your dc in the long run.

[WassaAxolotl]

It looks to me like either your MIL is so self-centred she really does not fully comprehend that your sons are also your DH's family. She thinks it's still just her and her son, your DH.
Or, your MIL thinks you cheated on your DH to have the boys...

Anyway, it seems quite clear that your MIL came round, expecting you to be asleep, to sneak the calendar in. She KNEW that she was treating them unequally. This isn't her not getting it. This is her understanding what behaviour you find problematic, and trying to avoid you noticing.

You need to get your husband on side, otherwise she'll carry on doing that, I think.

[PacificDogwood]

at your MIL.

Re 'blood thicker than water': surely your DH has to decide whether to support his son or side with his mother who is a grown-up woman rather than 'chose' between you and his mum?

As somebody who has been known to overreact when cross , I might be persuaded to apologise for language/upset/raised voice, but NOT for sticking up for DS.

[oldinboden]

yABVVU
yOUR nine year old cried because his 2 YO sister got an advent calendar!!You were SO rude you should have just sad thankyou very much-we'll go shopping and get the boys one each later on.

[thumbwitch]

Good God. What a vile thing to do - and what if your DH had been the one to open the door? Would he have colluded in this favouritism?

IF not, how would he have handled it?

By all means apologise for swearing at her. You can say "I'm sorry I swore at you when you tried to show favouritism to my DD yet again and made DS1 cry because of it". You appear to be sorry that you swore so you would be being entirely honest and above board, but not apologising for the whole incident because, let's face it, why the fuck should you?? What she did was despicable and indefensible and she should be told in no uncertain terms that it is NOT to continue and until she can treat all her DGC equally, she can feck off. Or something like that.

As for the "blood thicker than water" comment - pah! Stupid woman - does she not realise that includes her DGSs?

I remember other threads of yours about this but do not remember knowing whether or not she had DDs herself - I'm guessing not. Perhaps she was too disappointed in having only DSs herself, so was equally disappointed that you had 2 before she "got" her girl.

[Suda]

Was it you SHADE on a previous thread whose m-i-l had you all round for dinner and did no pudding for boys and gave girl chocolate and boys nothing - something like that - cant remember exactly but was pretty grim.

[Tortington]

good for you op. i wish i had had your strength when my children were smaller

[thumbwitch]

Dammit, do wish I'd remember to read all the thread and not just the first and last pages before posting - have seen now that your MIL had no DDs and was disappointed that your DH wasn't a girl.

Still no bloody excuse for her behaviour though!!

[PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker]

Op...Don't apologise. Unless she apologises to you and her grandsons don't apologise.

Until she's fair she has no grandchildren.

[ChippingIn]

thumbwitch - we all know you do that to look clever....

[begonyabampot]

I would want to not apologise but by saying sorry for swearing etc (not for feeling angry at her behaviour)you open up a dialogue and both parties can come to the table (unless you really want a complete break) and would help keep your husband on side. It's the more adult thing to do even if you really want to tell her to 'piss off!' This whole business really gives you a chance to draw a line and make your feelings and conditions crystal clear.

[ShadeofViolet]

Thanks everyone for your support - I was prepared for a flaming.

I have told DH that we can speak about it tonight as I dont want to speak about it infront of the DC's. He has said thah his Mum was wrong, but then he also said that its not her fault I was up and not him.

[begonyabampot]

Oh dear, sounds like you Dh might be harder to deal with than his mum!

[thumbwitch]

"its not her fault I was up and not him" - WTF??
What kind of excuse is that for the basics of her behaviour being completely out of order?? So he would have colluded with the single AC then, is that what he is implying?

[BuntyPenfold]

I sympathise, but I don't think it is that uncommon.

My mother MASSIVELY favours her 2 grand daughters over her 2 grandsons. As an example with my children:

GD's birthday age 6- giant tea chest(literally) of many very varied lovely presents, all individually gift wrapped, boxes and boxes of sweets, cake, balloons etc, a car loaded up to the roof with stuff including several new outfits, also dozens of photos taken of birthday girl.

GS's birthday age 3 - old calculator, second hand one, in brown envelope. Not even a card with it.

In the end we just had to make a joke of it as we can't change her.
She is the same with my sister's son and daughter, in that case boy the elder.

[ChaoticAngel]

It's not her fault that you were up and not him

I think you need to point out to your dh that what she did, or tried to do, was completely unacceptable and it doesn't matter who it was who was up. Tell him that if he had been up and had accepted it then he would have been in the wrong for condoning his mother's blatant favouritism.

[PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker]

Why are any of you still allowing a toxic gp to be anywhere near any of your dcs? Not to be ginning for a battle but I don't understand why anyone who is willing and able to be so unkind to one of your children is allowed to do so. Just cut them out of your lives or you are in danger of letting your dcs know that they are not important and deserve this treatment.

[WassaAxolotl]

Oh dear. So your husband has just tacitly admitted to undermining you, and giving his mother permission to continue the favouritism when you're not there to object. How long have they been having this little arrangement?

[WassaAxolotl]

Oh dear. So your husband has just tacitly admitted to undermining you, and giving his mother permission to continue the favouritism when you're not there to object. How long have they been having this little arrangement?