I have just thrown MIL out of my house and told her not to come back.

[ShadeofViolet]

I have posted before about MIL and her favouritism of DD over both my boys.

In our house we split the weekend so that one of us gets a lie-in. Normally I lie in on Sundays (its a common known thing withing his family) but he went out last night so we swapped.

At 8.30 there was a knock at the door and MIL was there - looking very shocked to see me answer it. She had come to bring DD an advent calendar. Nothing for the boys. DS1 was awake too and he was very upset. The advent calendar was a Dora one (DD loves Dora) and MIL made it clear it was for DD 'I saw it and thought she would like it'.

I told her to take her advent calender and stick it up her arse. I know it was a bad move but I was so upset as DS1 was in tears. Then I slammed to door in her face.

She has since sent DH a text saying 'blood is thicker than water'. DH says I should not have been rude

I am so cross - this is not the first time but its the final straw.

That is lovely, Reality, that your DC are so accepted in the family. It is like that in our house. My parents spend the same amount of time and money on my DB's stepson as on their biological grandchildren. They even give his step-granddaughter presents.

I'm new to MN so not seen your other posts but your MIL sounds horrible and a deliberate stirrer.

I would ask your DH to look long and hard at his dcs, not you, as this really is about all of his children. This favouritism is just as bad for dd as the dss. He should think of his sons and how hurtful it must be to be disliked by their GM, because that's how it must look to them.

Well, in an ideal world we could get our point across without being rude.

But I think where children are concerned, all bets are just about off, aren´t they?

If my MIL had made one of the children cry 6 my husband´s reaction eas that I´d been rude to her, she wouldn´t be the only one not welcome in the house.

Oh FFS!!
6=&
eas=was

I would have done the same as you, wouldn't have been able to stop myself.

Hmmm... if you want an honest answer OP I think you should have handled it better...

blatant favouritism (sp?)is damaging and just not accepting the calendar or any other gifts until things changed would have made your point...

YADNBU - such blatant favouritism is awful - well done for standing up to her

Sounds like you were driven to this Shade. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and your DCs (obviously would've been better without the outburst, but you know that already!). Long term, your DCs will be better for either not having their GM in their life or having a reformed one. As we all know, the latter is unlikely with these heinous beasts, but whatever the outcome of this, it's likely to be much better than carrying on with the status quo.

Poor DS :( think AC shopping is on the menu in the next few days!

YANBU

Your mil is a bitch and your 'd'h needs to grow a pair and make it clear to her that her behaviour is unacceptable.

if blood is thicker than water, then why is she not being equally nice to all her grand children?

what a bitch

I also aplaud you for standing up for your kids :)

I think ok as a one off to bring something for DD but not for the DSs (ie if sometimes she brought for the boys etc) but if this is ongoing then no, its just not fair.

However not very nice to loose your temper, better for her to be told by DH that her constant favouritism just isn't fair, and if she can't treat them all fairly then she can't see any of them.

DOes your DH have any sisters (does she have any other granddaugthers?) is this a case of first girl in a family and excitement to buy girlie things.

TBH my parents always favoured my brother (born after 3 girls) we just had to learn thats the way it was. They still deny it but its even more blatent now we are adults.

You need to phone her and apologise for your behaviour. Then, once you have reclaimed the moral highground, calmly explain to her that all of your children are of equal importance and must be treated as such. Only when she understands this and is prepared to make more effort will she be welcomed back with open arms.
You have to have your relationship with her, whether it is good or bad, so you might as well be the one in control of it. Don't defer to DH. And don't lose your temper or get frustrated with her, no matter how much you want to.
Now take a deep breath .... And pick up the phone. It's the perfect opportunity to sort this out once and for all.
Good luck.

Well as a grandma I think YANBU at all and your dh should tell your m-i-l that she can only come back when she is prepared to treat her dgc equally.It is always possible to conceal any favouritism even if you feel it which I tend not to- my 'favourite' is usually the dgc I am with at a given moment [call me Bruce :)]

Tsc, pretty certain you dream of doing worse

Apologise

Not a chance.

I'd be telling DH to have a good think about what has happened (over time) and if he still thinks his Mothers treatment of the children is acceptable, he's free to go and stay at her house. Twat.

Apologise? Are you bloody shitting me?!

An apology from me would go

I am sorry if you feel upset by me being furious about your continued favouritism towards my daughter and for my being livid that you treat my sons with contempt.

MIL made a 3 year old boy cry I think MIL should be the first to apologise.

She is poison - my worry would be the impact of her on the relationship your children have with each other.

Your DH has to deal with this but I'm sure your DH wants and easy life and doesn't want to confront it.

Your MIL is unlikely to change sorry I would ban her from the house and from seeing the children.

I'd send her a text along the lines of:

"Saw your message to DH, you are right, blood is thicker than water so you'll understand that my DS's feelings are far more important to me than yours. We'll be in all day if you want to pop round to apologise to the 3 year old you made cry."

Can't blame how you reacted but an apology sounds good (it paves the way for a proper conversation and in no way lets her off the hook) and allows you state how you feel and your position on what will be tolerated or allowed.