Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get DD a white poppy to wear at a remembrance service?

960 replies

GallumDrawnAndQuartered · 03/11/2010 16:23

She is 14 and has been selected by the school to represent her house at their service.

DD is vehemently pacifist and anti-war.

Rather than her get in trouble for refusing to go (which is what she is planning on doing) would it be unreasonable for her to go but to wear a white poppy instead of a red one?

OP posts:
Original poster
GallumDrawnAndQuartered · 03/11/2010 16:40

she's quite likely to refuse to go anyway - which I think is wrong. I need to get her to have a more balanced view.

Still no getting the white poppy = disrespect though. it is respectingnd remembering - it's just not red.

OP posts:
canyou · 03/11/2010 16:42

Antagony is right LEAST WE FORGET,
she can wear a white Poppy whenever but the service is the wrong place.
If she feels so strongly about it she should
A] Not wear any Poppy
or
B] Allow some one else to go in her place

SandStorm · 03/11/2010 16:42

If she doesn't believe in remembering the sacrifices made to enable her live the life she has and hold the views she has then I think she should stay away from the service.

localmum · 03/11/2010 16:44

Perhaps she should allow someone else to take her place.

As others have pointed out the red poppy does not celebrate war. It is a sign of remembrance for those who died.

It is very easy for those who weren't there to hold certain views, but I agree with Brigit - how does your daughter, and others who share your views suggest that hitler should have been dealt with? I would be genuinely interested to know.

marriedtoagoodun · 03/11/2010 16:44

If she has been selected can she not explain to the teacher that she feels she is not suitable to represent her house and explain her reasons. There must be other children who do believe in the positive symbolism of the red poppy. With all these things you have to think how the person who has actaully sacrificed something would feel when looking at the white poppy. Would they feel appreciated or would they feel that on the one day we collectively remember as a nation past and present sacrifices that someone was being disrespectful? Wearing a white popppy is an individual decision but if your DD is representing her house, unless the house also want to turn their back on the red poppy, she should not turn up wearing the white poppy.

On the 11th November this year a young man recently killed in Afghanistan will be buried. He was only a few years older than your DD. Personally I will be wearing my poppy with pride.

Colourful · 03/11/2010 16:46

I agree with the others who say she should stay away and let someone else represent her house.

It's about remembering the sacrifices of others.

It's not about your daughter.

Sullwah · 03/11/2010 16:46

"Still no getting the white poppy = disrespect though. it is respectingnd remembering - it's just not red."

But the fact is that many will see it as disrespectful.

TBH, I think she will just look attention seeking

She should step down and let someone else do it

canyou · 03/11/2010 16:47

As an aside Sorry OP
White Poppy who benefits from their sale?
I never buy a red but do actually give them the cash as I know it is desperately needed[I feel leave them sell it to some one who will wear it and they need the cash more then I need the flower]

localmum · 03/11/2010 16:48

Well put Sullwah

Original poster
GallumDrawnAndQuartered · 03/11/2010 16:49

by 'selected' she dosn't get a choice - hence the geting into trouble if she refuses, although if she's goig to insult people that's probably better than causing offence.
whatever the red poppy is meant to symbolise (sacrifice, remembrance, respect) it is also very uch viewed as a symbol of support - which she doesn't. A white poppy also symbolises sacrifice, respect and remembrance but makes it clear the wearer does not support war or violence as a way of ending conflict.

perhaps a white poppy taken off for the service - or whte and red together.

OP posts:
Appletrees · 03/11/2010 16:49

You aren't British but you do live here, and it's a mark of your respect to your dd that she's been asked to represent the school. She should reciprocate.

2shoes · 03/11/2010 16:49

yabu]if she feels that strongly she should allow someone else to take her place.

Original poster
GallumDrawnAndQuartered · 03/11/2010 16:50

yes - agree with the making a statement for the sake of it attention seeking. will tell her that. no poppy at all is looking best.

OP posts:
Appletrees · 03/11/2010 16:51

I agree with Sull and think she shouldn't go. She can make her protest like that. That would show she really believes in what she says she believes in. Otherwise it is attention seeking.

UnseenAcademicalMum · 03/11/2010 16:51

Presumably the school thinks it is an honour to select her to attend?

If her views are so strong, she should be prepared to stick up for them. She should go to her head of house and explain that she feels it would be hypocritical to attend the service and explain her reasons why.

Personally, I agree with the point of ANTagony, the point of a remembrance service is so that we do not forget the awfulness of war. Remember, world war I was known as "the war to end all wars" - how insulting to the men (and lets face it, boys as some were only 17 or 180 who died in that war, that there was another world war started only 21 years after that war ended Sad.

Original poster
GallumDrawnAndQuartered · 03/11/2010 16:51

um - we are british. it will cause problems if she won't go and asks for someone else to take her place.

OP posts:
Appletrees · 03/11/2010 16:52

no poppy at all? Why do you have to do this? Why can't she just stand down?

Colourful · 03/11/2010 16:52

If she feels so strongly she should be able to argue her point about not going.

If she wears a white poppy it becomes all about her (because some people do view them as disrespectful whether rightly or wrongly) and that is so so wrong and utterly self centred. Surely she must see that?

LetThereBeRock · 03/11/2010 16:52

YABU.It isn't appropriate to wear a white one at the service.

If she's so uncomfortable with wearing a red poppy at the service,then she should allow another pupil to represent her house.

Appletrees · 03/11/2010 16:53

excuse me I read too quickly

still -- it's a mark of respect to your daughter that she's been selected and if she feels she can't reciprocate that respect, she should stand down

LetThereBeRock · 03/11/2010 16:53

It's also going to cause problems if she insists on wearing a white poppy.

Original poster
GallumDrawnAndQuartered · 03/11/2010 16:55

yes - i can see that. don't agree with why it might cause problems but can see that it might.

OP posts:
GiganGORE · 03/11/2010 16:55

the poppy doesn't celebrate, glamourise or promote war.

My son has just joined the sea cadets and will be parading in the rememberance service. I would be seriously angry if i saw someone with a white poppy. I would consider them ignorant and disrespectful.

2shoes · 03/11/2010 16:55

where does the money for a white poppy go?

Kaloki · 03/11/2010 16:57

I agree with those saying the white poppy is not appropriate. Also very anti war here, but know that the poppy isn't a sign of support for war but for remembrance.

And remembrance day is not a day to make a political stand. IMHO it would be like using a funeral to make a political point.