to get DD a white poppy to wear at a remembrance service?

[GallumDrawnAndQuartered]

She is 14 and has been selected by the school to represent her house at their service.

DD is vehemently pacifist and anti-war.

Rather than her get in trouble for refusing to go (which is what she is planning on doing) would it be unreasonable for her to go but to wear a white poppy instead of a red one?

If she can't see the difference between remembering those who gave their lives for us (like my grandfather, lost when my father was 2 years old), so we might be free, and being anti-war, then she needs to step down.

You say she can't do this because there will be trouble - but if she has strong views she should stand up for them and take the trouble on the chin.

It would not be acceptable to take the cowardly route of attending a service she believes is wrong and then offending all those attending for whom it is an important and moving event. I cry every year, remembering my grandmother alone for the rest of her life, after hoping against hope her husband would return at the end of the war.

"let her upset a few elderly veterens. I am sure she will feel very proud of herself when she sends a few home in tears."

Exactly, let's remember that they are there to remember their dead friends and family. That is what is about. Does anyone really think that knowingly offending mourners is ok?

I alqays wear a red and a white together - and so does my teenage daughter. But I didn't let her until she was old enough to understand, and to deal with any ignorant people who might be unpleasant to her because of it. My younger child wears a red one - I won't let him wear a white until he is of a similar age.

Wearing a white poppy says "I have completely misunderstood the reasons why the red poppy was created, and whilst I want to make a very good point I am unfortunately choosing a misguided way to go about it".

IMO.

So apparently the red poppy is not political? Wasn't it set up by General Haig? I don't mind people calling the white poppy political but it's disingenuous to pretend that the red poppy fluttered down from heaven onto people's lapels.

Why have the British Legion got such a monopoly on remembrance, that to not actively support them puts Gallum's DD in the light of someone who doesn't care a piffling jot about the dead of the wars?

One of my ancestors died in WWI - he was a teenager, he shouldn't have died, he didn't want to fight but he had to as he was unemployed and needed to support his widowed mother. Other men and boys were shot because they were suffering PTSD or because they were too scared to fight. Many many others were literally forced to fight as part of the atrocious war game played out by people like Haig. Many women and children were also killed. And that's just one war. There is a myth spun that war is glorious - and this adherence to the red poppy as the only possible expression of grief and memory helps to perpetuate this IMO.

Has anyone actually read Dulce et Decorum Est? We did it at school and it made me think again about exactly what we are told about war.

It should also be remembered the age of some of the dead. Boys can join the army at 17.5 years old. Some won't even see the end of their teenage years. Think of the parents who have lost sons as a result of fighting to defend our country.

Wearing a white poppy will move people to tears - why on earth?

The more I think about it, the more I wonder about why she should feel so strongly about wearing the poppy if she really understands the reason behind it.

the (red) poppy is not a political statement that the wearer supports war!!! The red poppy is a mark of remembrance for those who died or were injured trying to protect our country. And the money raised goes to help those veterans. It's hard to see how a 14yo can actually understand the sacrifices those people had to make, and the horrors they faced.

To me, therefore, it looks like she is trying to make a political point. Best taken up with the politicians and without insulting/ offending the many people who choose to remember the ordinary people affected by conflict.

THe red poppy is all about the people involved and NOTHING to do with government and political agendas.

It's almost like wearing an orange version of the pink breast-cancer awareness badge, in order to protest against waiting times for breast scans- misdirected at best and hurtful at worst! And a bit pointless!

A red poppy is not the only way to show you remember. That's why the white poppy is a poppy and not a heart or a carnation.

Why have the British Legion got the monopoly on remembrance?

I´m probably getting this skewed, but Remembrance Day is to rememeber all who have died as a result of conflict.

A white poppy says lets find another way to resolve things.

How is that not insulting to those who have died as a result of conflict?

Does she know that the factory that makes the poppies employs many disabled ex-service personnel?

Perhaps, to know why it's a poppy she should read the following. I cannot read it, nor pass a war cemetery, without my eyes filling with tears. Perhaps a trip to Thiepval or any of the others in Picardie would show her what a price many paid for freedom, including the freedom to say that she wants to wear a white poppy.

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Because those who died as a result of conflict probably would rather that there had been another way to resolve things, that meant they could have lived to see their kids grow up?

Actually - the important point here is that the OP's daughter has been given no choice in the matter, and will get into trouble if she doesn't do as she's told. I would be having words with the Head if I was the OP - she should be allowed to be a conscientious objector.

Skeleton - how could education be effective without remembrance? Think harder!

How is that not insulting to those who have died as a result of conflict?

Because I'd imagine they'd be thinking much the same were there such a thing as an afterlife?

I don't get the "offensive" thing in general, but if you're going to a toga party, wear a feckin' toga or just don't go at all, yes?

And practically everyone on here has completely missed the point of the White Poppy campaign. I would link to an explanation, but I know that no one will read it.

Proud white poppy wearer here. We are sliding into an age of increased militarism and are currently involved in two unjust (and illegal) conflicts.

IMO, the red poppy has gone from being a symbol of remembrance of the horrors and brutality of war to backslapping the status quo. I wear it to show my remembrance of the dead and to show my opposition to anyone else suffering the same fate. Surely that's the true meaning of 'Lest We Forget'.

OP-how was your daughter selected for this?

When I was at school it was in support of the Earl Haig Fund - the same Earl Haig who "led" thousands of soldiers to their death. It was also all about honouring the glorious (British) dead. Nowt glorious about dying in the mud and shit of the trenches.

Plus, has someone has already said the government should be paying for all this support for veterans - they sent them to war to be traumatised/mutilated in the first place - they should be responsible for a high standard of lifetime aftercare. It is ridiculous that soldiers who have fought for their country should have to rely on charitable donations to be able to live!

So no red poppy here, but I do understand that many find the white poppy be disrespectful so I don't wear it.

The thing is we do remember the men who suffered PTSD, the young boys who died.
I studied WW1 at GCSE level, read all of Wilfred Owen's poems, cried buckets over "All Quiet on the Western Front", by Erich Maria Remarque.
And reading about the suffering on both sides to makes it even more important that we remember those lives lost.

I think this is attention seeking and could potentially be offensive to people who have direct experience of loss of a loved one.

She is representing her house not her own political views - if she cannot do that without making an issue then she should let someone else do it.

Afterall, it is not about her (something that might be lost on most teenagers)

Perhaps she could wear a peroxide poppy to remember all the hair that dyed in the wars.

we have this every year, maybe by same op trying to push white poppies. imo it's easily solved, do not represent the school and get someone else to do it. simple