to get DD a white poppy to wear at a remembrance service?

[GallumDrawnAndQuartered]

She is 14 and has been selected by the school to represent her house at their service.

DD is vehemently pacifist and anti-war.

Rather than her get in trouble for refusing to go (which is what she is planning on doing) would it be unreasonable for her to go but to wear a white poppy instead of a red one?

[firefrakkers]

Why would it cause problems? If she writes a letter at 14 she's old enough to express her opinions and have them respected by the school.

No poppy is better than a white at a Remembrance service. No matter how she means it other people will take it the wrong way and it will offend.

[Appletrees]

Earwig, it's political. Fine. The service is about dead soldiers and remembering them.

I know that some veterans wear white poppies too. They're the only people who can wear a white poppy with pride imo.

[Appletrees]

The school has already accorded her respect. It probably would be understanding: but the girl should have enough respect to see that she would be causing offence and upset at a sensitive time.

[earwicga]

Appletrep - I am offended and upset at your comments and it is a sensitive day for me. Following your logic I am the only person who can have a view on white poppies. Makes sense? No - much like your comments.

[phipps]

I am and a bit that people think wearing a red poppy means they support war.

[Sullwah]

If after reading this thread she wears a white poppy, then it really will just be attention seeking.

I know she is a teenager - but in this case - its not all about her and her wish to show everyone what a cool person she is.

[stubbornhubby]

if she is against remembrance day it would be very odd indeed to attend as a represenative of the school. and to then use that opportunity to make a protest would be dishonest.

she needs to explain to the school she isn't able to be the representative, and what her reason is.

[Heracles]

I'm a big fan of war, so I've made my poppy into the shape of a gun. A big deadly gun.

[GiganGORE]

What are her objections to the red poppy?

she feels that a charity shouldn't donate its funds to help fallen soldiers?

in which case i will happily donate a poppy for her. that way she is not supporting the charity and yet doesn't offend anyone in attendance

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

Why is wearing a white poppy making it "all about her"? It's not a "gallumDD pinbadge" it's a symbol of remembrance. The fact that it's not the exact one that some others will be wearing is not her fault is it?

[earwicga]

Sullwah - I'm not a teenager or cool in any way. Still will be wearing a white poppy, and selling them.

[Appletrees]

My comments make perfect sense earwig. You want to make a political statement at a remembrance service. It will offend people. You don't care about that. There we are.

[pastaplease]

I have a purple poppy on my coat, in remembrance of the animals who have died as a result of human conflicts.

Just thought I'd throw that one in!

[earwicga]

Appletrep - everything offends somebody. That's not a way to live life.

[KaraStarbuckThrace]

If she feels that strongly, she should not represent the school, and the school should respect that. In the same way she should respect the feelings of veterans who have lost family and friends in the conflicts of the last century.

I really feel your daughter is very misguided about remembrance day. I applaud her pacifistic views and her wish to resolve conflict in other ways but we cannot undo the past, and so her protest is very very misplaced..

'How exactly do you think Hitler should have been dealt with then? Sat him down with a nice cup of tea and tried to persuade him not to invade anyone else?'

Actually that is what Neville Chamberlain tried to do... and look how successful that was!!

[saffy85]

Agree with Sullwah. If your DD feels so anti war (despite remembrance day not being about war) she should stand down and someone else can go in her place. The occassion might actually mean something to another person instead an oppurtunity to be attention seeking.

[earwicga]

In case then SkeletonFlowers I am very glad to wear a white poppy as it honours all victims of war, including boys and men & women and girls.

[Heracles]

She should wear a chrysanthemum; that'll confuse everyone.

She could claim she's remembering all the plants that died in the wars.

[GiganGORE]

Skeleton - it is to remember ALL victims of war. those who fought and thosse caught in teh crossfire.

"Appletrep - everything offends somebody. That's not a way to live life"

Of course earwig - but to deliberately do something specifically to offend at such an event is pretentious attention seeking and, quite frankly disgusting behaviour. It is precisely the sort of stunt one would expect from a stroppy teenager. If that is how she wants to be seen then fair do's. let her upset a few elderly veterens. I am sure she will feel very proud of herself when she sends a few home in tears.

[penguin73]

Make her aware of the offence she will cause and, if she still intends to I would let the school know of your intentions and ask whether they still wish her to attend or wish to give the honour to someone else. With sensitivity and rationale (and your calm intervention if necessary) the school should be able to respect her opinions and act accordingly. But do reiterate the true meaning of the service and the poppy and that this is not the time or place for political statements.

[PennyDreadful]

White poppies and the movement for them really get my back up - for many of the reasons posted here.

[diddl]

If she doesn´t agree with a red poppy, then surely she doesn´t agree with the whole idea of the Remembrance Service & should surely not go at all, let alone represent her house?

[firefrakkers]

A white poppy is not perceived as remembrance though. It's perceived as a pacifistic, political statement.

I don't know why I get drawn into this, it happens every year on MN.

I think a white poppy is fine in every situation except at a service of remembrance where if it MUST be worn it should be alongside a red poppy which is the symbol of remembrance, which is the purpose of the service.