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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour problems

184 replies

VivienScott · 02/11/2010 17:43

My new neighbour is having an extension built. As part of this the builders need to put scaffolding up on the pathway down the side of my house. The pathway is wholy my land and we use it a great deal, it where the milkman delivers milk, the postman delivers parcels through the side door in the cat flap if we're not there, the bins are, it's also the door to the house we use if we've been out and are muddy, and most importantly, it's the door to the garden the kids use, the other option is mud through the living room and on the carpets.

The neighbour came round last week and asked if it was OK to put up scaffolding and said the the estimated time would be at least three months, throughout which the builders would need access to the scaffolding and therefore my land. I wasn't exactly happy about this but in the spirit of neighbourliness I said yes but it was not to obstruct the passageway, the side door or the cat flap.

So today the scaffolders have turned up, started erecting the scaffolding without even the common courtesy of a knock at the door to let me know and then proceeded to put a post up right in front of the door blocking it and the cat flap and also the first level walkway across the door!!! I went out and told them to stop and take it down because I'd not agreed to it, which eventually they did. I said unless they could come up with a way of putting it up without causing an obstruction it had to go, they said they can't for whatever reason (I think they were being a bit jobsworth) and left.

Anyway the neighbour has just left my doorstep, she's at work during the day so wasn't there when the scaffolders were, asked me if there was anyway round it, I said no not for that length of time, it would be like no front door for 3 months we use the side door so much. She then said could she speak to my husband as perhaps me being a stay at home mum had left me with a distorted view of the real world where people were actually willing to look beyond their own needs and those of their pets and children because unless I give permission they can't build the extension as they need the scaffolding!!!! She then threatened legal action against me, said she was entitled to temporary access to the land, which I know she isn't. Needless to say I told her to hop it in slightly more colourful language.

Apart from it ending in a slanging match I'm beginning to wonder should I just put up with the massive hassle of it for 3+ months in order to just preserve neighbourly relations or, given her rudeness, and the fact it is a massive pain in the neck and I'm under no legal obligation to give permission, despite what she tried to tell me, just stick to my guns. OH thinks we should tell her to f off, but he would!

She's only been there a little while and I don't really know her at all, but she's always seemed a bit highly strung. Rational side is saying just give in for a quiet life, stubborn side of me thinks if she can't be polite she deserves nothing and giving into her will just encourage her ridiculous behaviour.

Which side of me is BU???

OP posts:
cumfy · 05/11/2010 08:57

Any developments Vivien ?

madmn52 · 05/11/2010 09:10

No I think Sudo s vapourised her trying to do a link !

Confused

Anyway IMO - tell her to go forth ! - you'll have no end of hassle from her otherwise. If you let her on your side to build then she will have a legitimate right to go on your side for maintenance/upkeep etc and you'll never get rid.

With your DH on this one - 'F* OFF'

MsKalo · 05/11/2010 09:10

Agree with littlemisshissing completely - how condesdeding of her to ask to speak to ur dh and to knock you for being a sahm like you don't understand the 'real' world! CheekY bitch! And I bet if you had asked her the favour she would not allow it. The builders need to find another way round it

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 05/11/2010 09:47

Suda - you said:

"......Oh and my DH who has worked in building trade for over 30 years - he said as a builder or a neighbour he wouldnt touch her with a barge pole ( but he put it in building site terms so cant quote - for fear of offending any delicate dispositions )...."

Delicate dispositions - on mumnset??? Really! ShockGrin

usernamechanged345 · 05/11/2010 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newwave · 05/11/2010 10:23

If she had spoken to me like that I would have removed her from my property so fast her feet would not have touched the floor whilst berating her with all the expletives I know (and I know most of them).

ANY attempt by her or her partner at reconcilliation would have been rejected out of hand.

If however you want to compromise just tell her that if the scaffold is erected to your satisfaction you will accept an access fee of £1000 up front in cash and an additional £100 for every week after an agreed finish date. Get it in writing and confirmed by a solicitor.

Teach the cow a lesson she wont forget

VivienScott · 05/11/2010 12:05

Hello all,

Thank you all for your advice! I have spoken to my insurers because, apart from anything else, I have legal cover with them so can get free legal advice. Anyway, she has no right of access as we all thought but more importantly my insurance company will not cover any loss caused by the scaffolding, e.g burglary as many people have pointed out, but also, fire because the path and door are an access point for fire crew, a fixed structure on that path may get in the way of fire crew with all their gear slowing the access and therefore making any fire damage worse. They would be more accomodating if it were MY builders because I have more control over them in theory. Also because technically I would be renting a portion of my land to her and rental isn't covered by my policy it invalidates any claim arising from damage caused by or worsened by the scaffolding. It's all a bit iffy but I didn't argue with them as actually it gave me the opportunity to say no to her and not appear unreasonable.

With this information I told her she couldn't have access. She accused me of being very selfish and inconsiderate, to which replied that I really didn't care about the neurotic ramblings or opinion of someone who was clearly lacking in any form of social skills and so obviously self obsessed and out of touch with reality and walked off.

Guess that's me off her Xmas card list then!

OP posts:
Suda · 05/11/2010 12:12

I know Davids Girl - it was to do with her being short a good seeing to and the endearment used to describe them began with t and ended in s. DH thought she was a couple obviously btw.

Blush - not really. I am a coward. Just didnt want some saddo sanctimonious type jumping on board to her defence and flaming me - as they do sometimes - even on mumsnet - Smile

Suda · 05/11/2010 12:19

Brilliant - absolutely brilliant - you have made my day - I absolutely hate it when people like this get their own way. Maybe in future she might try being civil to people - especially when she wants something. Well done you - dont take any crap about it in future either - if she starts any nonsense - keep a nuisance neighbour diary and write everything in it.
from experience with bad neighbours that is.

cumfy · 05/11/2010 12:52

Brilliant :o Problem solved. Well done.

Will it now be physically impossible to build the extension [absent hiring Chinooks] ?

minipen · 05/11/2010 12:59

Well done for an informed decison and your personalised delivery I am very glad she is not getting her own way.

There are lots of people on here who will happily send you a Christmas card!

Presumably now you can go back to fluffy pink things!

ljgibbs · 05/11/2010 13:09

Well done Viv, glad you told her where to go. As for her accusing you of being selfish - pot, kettle anyone?

EldritchCleavage · 05/11/2010 13:34

Ha ha at hiring Chinooks!

Definitely the right decision OP, and so elegantly communicated as well!

She had her chance to get her extension done the easier way, she blew it, hard cheese.

Oscalito · 05/11/2010 13:37

She needs to talk to the builders about putting up scaffolding that doesn't block your entrance. They are being slack.

If they can't do that she needs to find ones that can.

Oscalito · 05/11/2010 13:38

Oh just read the rest of it... fair enough. I hate scaffolding anyway, good outcome!

skandi1 · 05/11/2010 13:43

OP,

Your neighbour is in the wrong (legally and morally) and a twat.

Your neighbour should have had a Party Wall agreement with you in which set out the conditions for scaffolding overhanging or standing on or encroaching on your land.

I assume this was not done which case she and her scaffold are trespassing.

Building Control can help you here. Give them a call.

anonymosity · 05/11/2010 13:45

Oh well done Vivscott. I'm glad you pointed out her failings so eloquently! yay!

BerylStreep · 05/11/2010 15:59

Yey hey for Viv.

I would have been gutted if you had let her do it. I hate it when people get their own way by being overbearing and obnxious.

Opening a bottle of champers for you right now.

newwave · 05/11/2010 16:03

Good for you, I would have videod it if I could and savoured it later.

Very very well done.

MustHaveaVeryShortMemory · 05/11/2010 18:10

Well done. I honestly think you have saved yourself more stress in the long run.

GiddyPickle · 05/11/2010 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 05/11/2010 18:25

You know what would really rub it in? Get your own extension built.

Suda · 05/11/2010 19:07

Now youre just evil KUNGFU

but I like you Grin

hugglymugly · 05/11/2010 19:23

Oh, well done! Thank goodness you didn't listen to any of my advice as it was way too reasonable for dealing with such a nutjob. By the sounds of it, your insurers have probably dealt with those kinds of issues before and even if all they were doing was covering themselves they certainly gave you plenty of ammunition.

I love your response to her: "I really didn't care about the neurotic ramblings or opinion of someone who was clearly lacking in any form of social skills and so obviously self obsessed and out of touch with reality". I want to print that out and have it laminated for easy reference. Grin

notsocrates · 05/11/2010 19:33

Hmmm...that was a great idea getting legal advice on your house insurance. Well done.

I still think however that you should try to get on with your neighbours and look for a way forward that suits you both eg SHE needs to organise insurance, a plan that means the scaffolding doesn't obstruct you and your exits and perhaps payment for your inconvenience. We settled for a covenant that we would not have got otherwise about no windows from the new extension facing over our garden which is something that had concerned us.

You don't want to escalate any neighbour disputes. It's not worth it, and you might now find that your neighbour will eat a little humble pie and be a lot more reasonable and polite and GRATEFUL Grin