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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour problems

184 replies

VivienScott · 02/11/2010 17:43

My new neighbour is having an extension built. As part of this the builders need to put scaffolding up on the pathway down the side of my house. The pathway is wholy my land and we use it a great deal, it where the milkman delivers milk, the postman delivers parcels through the side door in the cat flap if we're not there, the bins are, it's also the door to the house we use if we've been out and are muddy, and most importantly, it's the door to the garden the kids use, the other option is mud through the living room and on the carpets.

The neighbour came round last week and asked if it was OK to put up scaffolding and said the the estimated time would be at least three months, throughout which the builders would need access to the scaffolding and therefore my land. I wasn't exactly happy about this but in the spirit of neighbourliness I said yes but it was not to obstruct the passageway, the side door or the cat flap.

So today the scaffolders have turned up, started erecting the scaffolding without even the common courtesy of a knock at the door to let me know and then proceeded to put a post up right in front of the door blocking it and the cat flap and also the first level walkway across the door!!! I went out and told them to stop and take it down because I'd not agreed to it, which eventually they did. I said unless they could come up with a way of putting it up without causing an obstruction it had to go, they said they can't for whatever reason (I think they were being a bit jobsworth) and left.

Anyway the neighbour has just left my doorstep, she's at work during the day so wasn't there when the scaffolders were, asked me if there was anyway round it, I said no not for that length of time, it would be like no front door for 3 months we use the side door so much. She then said could she speak to my husband as perhaps me being a stay at home mum had left me with a distorted view of the real world where people were actually willing to look beyond their own needs and those of their pets and children because unless I give permission they can't build the extension as they need the scaffolding!!!! She then threatened legal action against me, said she was entitled to temporary access to the land, which I know she isn't. Needless to say I told her to hop it in slightly more colourful language.

Apart from it ending in a slanging match I'm beginning to wonder should I just put up with the massive hassle of it for 3+ months in order to just preserve neighbourly relations or, given her rudeness, and the fact it is a massive pain in the neck and I'm under no legal obligation to give permission, despite what she tried to tell me, just stick to my guns. OH thinks we should tell her to f off, but he would!

She's only been there a little while and I don't really know her at all, but she's always seemed a bit highly strung. Rational side is saying just give in for a quiet life, stubborn side of me thinks if she can't be polite she deserves nothing and giving into her will just encourage her ridiculous behaviour.

Which side of me is BU???

OP posts:
yesbutnobut · 02/11/2010 19:47

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. Another thing to bear in mind is the security risk of having scaffolding on the side of your house - a nice ladder for burglars.

Guaranteed it will go on longer than 3 months even if the job is finished. The way scaffolders work is that they don't want to pay to store their scaffolding so they leave it up at their last job and only remove it when their next job needs it.

Look at Charles Saatchi and Nigella - they've had a similar problem and are now selling up!

Hope Mrs Extension is reading this thread and preparing her grovelling apology!

pallymama · 02/11/2010 19:48

Pfft, ignore RunawayRocket, you're not BU! Your neighbour is a rude, rude woman who is taking the piss!

RunawayRocket · 02/11/2010 19:52

She ask, I only answered.

Thankfully I have lovely neighbours who did not mind my extension going up, nor me theirs, live and let live.

saffy85 · 02/11/2010 19:53

YANBU. She is a douchebag. Shock at her speaking to you like that when she should be sucking up majorly.

That attitude alone would result in her being forced to remove the scaffolding from your property ammediately (assuming that's it is possible). Even if you didn't use that door very often it isn't smart idea to block a potential fire exit imo.

VivienScott · 02/11/2010 19:54

I hadn't even thought about the fire safety issue, which is terrible as I used to be a risk manager and fire prevention and safety was part of my job, maybe she's right and being a SAHM has ruined my brain! It's completely right, our kitchen has no direct access outside, it leads to the utility room and that is where the side door is and on more than one occassion, thanks to OH's questionable talents with the grill, flaming grill pans have been shoved out there, and actually my front door lock has broken in the past leaving us locked in were it not for that door.

Unfortunately the door does open outwards and there is nothing I can do about that and we have to have milk delivered there as it kept getting stolen from the front so they refused to deliver to the front. I need access with that door.

I've spoken to a friend of mine who is a local builder tonight. He knows the scaffolders in question and has said they are very cheap but a pretty shoddy lot, they can't really problem solve, added to this, they came round just before it started getting dark, he said this probably didn't help matters as they probably wanted to get home not restructure their scaffolding! He said a decent firm would be able to come up with a solution and gave me the name of who he uses and recommends.

Anyway, I've just stuck a note through her door saying that as I said before she can have the scaffolding up but as that door is an outward opening door and fire escape from the kitchen it is dangerous to have it obstructed for any length of time and I also need access to be unrestricted to my pathway. I've given her the name of the scaffolders recommended as being good at coming up with more imaginative ways of erecting scaffolding. But I've said that before any further work can go ahead on my land, I need agreement in writing she will cover the cost of any damage to my property, if at any point the scaffolding is dangerous to my family or obstructive it is either rebuilt or removed, the builders will be polite and respectful to me, my family and my property (ie not swear in front of my children or flick their fag butts over the ground) and a realistic time frame agreed for the work to be completed and scaffolding to be removed. And I've signed it Mr and Mrs X so she knows it's both of us, though OH completely disagrees with me and wants to tell her to stick her scaffolding pole where the sun doesn't shine.

I've checked my deeds there is nothing that even mentions access for maintenance and the previous owner of our house only ever gave access once for some maintenance issue years ago so there's no question of precedence. She has no OH, so it's just her and her 2 kids, so we will wait and see what she says. As far as I'm concerned now I've done everything a reasonable person can do, if she doesn't like it she can stick it and I'm not concerned about any relationship with her because if she's like that, there was never likely to be a decent one anyway!

OP posts:
Ooosha · 02/11/2010 19:56

You shouldn't have to let her block an exit form your house for three months apart from all the day to day hassle and sorry if someone has said this all ready but what if there is fire and that is the only way out?

Ooosha · 02/11/2010 19:57

OK I really should read at least the last post....

clam · 02/11/2010 19:59

God, if the door only opens outwards, that's even worse.

Do please come back and tell us what she says next.

saffy85 · 02/11/2010 20:01

I only said about the fire exit issue because local council refused to let me sign a tenency with my LL at first because he didn't have a key to unlock the back door. He miraculously found it in his pocket when he realised he would lose £850 pcm. Hmm

Hope you make that bitch grovel after the way she spoke to you. I am surprised it's actually legal to block a doorway like that at all, let alone for 3 months!

MilaMae · 02/11/2010 20:05

Sounds good,just one other thing.I'd be a bit twitchy re safety(things dropping off) with little ones running in and out.

Also do you need to get in writing that they'll need further written consent for any extension periods.

Wondering if a trip to your solicitor to get it drawn up would be prudent. She would obviously need to reimburse you before starting in the build.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all you've said yes, you're just covering your arse.

Batteryhuman · 02/11/2010 20:06

I would also want to see the scaffolders public liability insurance policy

giveitago · 02/11/2010 20:07

Oh - so her comments about you being a sahm were really bitter then.

Well, she needs your help and if she needs your help she needs to be a bit nicer.

If she's so clued up (as opposed to you the sahm) she should have been there to project manage this - she's lost a day when she could have told them not to block your access - there is another way.

I'd not engage with her. Let her make the first move. It's all doable but she needs to get a grip.

ChaoticAngel · 02/11/2010 20:08

Well you're a better person than me. I'm with your DH.

VivienScott · 02/11/2010 20:10

I'm not normally this rational, she's caught me on a good day!

OP posts:
saffy85 · 02/11/2010 20:13

I'm with your DH. I'd tell where to shove her scaffolding pole too! Let us know what the cowbag nice lady says wont you.

clam · 02/11/2010 20:14

It's dangerous to have the door obstructed at all not just for a period of time.
They just simply cannot do this. It's totally unreasonable.

StayFrosty · 02/11/2010 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muminthemiddle · 02/11/2010 20:22

Op you sound really nice. I agree with others, I would tell her to shove it and not set foot on my land again.
Once someone had spoken to me like that then they could f* themselves but that is me.

minipen · 02/11/2010 20:28

You may want to check your house insurance too, if they fall on your land, trip over your milk bottles etc

VivienScott · 02/11/2010 20:34

She's just been round....

She said she didn't realise the door was outward opening and a fire escape she thought I was 'just being difficult'. I mean seriously who the hell speaks to someone like that, I honestly think she's slightly unhinged and can see why she's on her own!

She said she would speak to her builders about the issue and ask them to look into it as it 'isn't really fair' to me. This woman could not be more patronising if she tried! It was all said in this really pathetic syrupy voice as well.

Then I said fine I'd wait to hear from her but nothing was happening on my land until I was happy with it, I would stop any work as soon as I stopped being happy and she was never to come to my house and talk to me in the insulting manner she had earlier, to which she gave me this 'oo you're a bit odd' look and said OK and walked off! No apology, nothing, just the implication I'm mad!!!

This woman is a nightmare! I think she's got some sort of people skills disorder. I'm more cross now than I was earlier, I half put it down to her having an off day and venting but now I realise that actually she's a bit odd and I am going to have an f-ing nightmare with her going forward, grrrrrr!

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 02/11/2010 20:38

poor you, she does sound difficult.

herbietea · 02/11/2010 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BANGerskite · 02/11/2010 21:09

I can't believe anyone told you you were BU Shock

I'd have told her to find another way to build her extension after she spoke to me like that!!

TheYearOfTheCat · 02/11/2010 21:17

VS, you have been exceptionally reasonable. I'm another one who would have told her where to shove her scaffolding. (But then, we have crap neighbours on one side, so I've become a bit jaundiced on neighbour issues).

MollieO · 02/11/2010 21:25

The other thing you need to consider is who would be responsible if someone visiting your property was injured by the scaffolding. You would be liable but you'd want to have a full indemnity from your neighbour and be covered on her insurance.