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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour problems

184 replies

VivienScott · 02/11/2010 17:43

My new neighbour is having an extension built. As part of this the builders need to put scaffolding up on the pathway down the side of my house. The pathway is wholy my land and we use it a great deal, it where the milkman delivers milk, the postman delivers parcels through the side door in the cat flap if we're not there, the bins are, it's also the door to the house we use if we've been out and are muddy, and most importantly, it's the door to the garden the kids use, the other option is mud through the living room and on the carpets.

The neighbour came round last week and asked if it was OK to put up scaffolding and said the the estimated time would be at least three months, throughout which the builders would need access to the scaffolding and therefore my land. I wasn't exactly happy about this but in the spirit of neighbourliness I said yes but it was not to obstruct the passageway, the side door or the cat flap.

So today the scaffolders have turned up, started erecting the scaffolding without even the common courtesy of a knock at the door to let me know and then proceeded to put a post up right in front of the door blocking it and the cat flap and also the first level walkway across the door!!! I went out and told them to stop and take it down because I'd not agreed to it, which eventually they did. I said unless they could come up with a way of putting it up without causing an obstruction it had to go, they said they can't for whatever reason (I think they were being a bit jobsworth) and left.

Anyway the neighbour has just left my doorstep, she's at work during the day so wasn't there when the scaffolders were, asked me if there was anyway round it, I said no not for that length of time, it would be like no front door for 3 months we use the side door so much. She then said could she speak to my husband as perhaps me being a stay at home mum had left me with a distorted view of the real world where people were actually willing to look beyond their own needs and those of their pets and children because unless I give permission they can't build the extension as they need the scaffolding!!!! She then threatened legal action against me, said she was entitled to temporary access to the land, which I know she isn't. Needless to say I told her to hop it in slightly more colourful language.

Apart from it ending in a slanging match I'm beginning to wonder should I just put up with the massive hassle of it for 3+ months in order to just preserve neighbourly relations or, given her rudeness, and the fact it is a massive pain in the neck and I'm under no legal obligation to give permission, despite what she tried to tell me, just stick to my guns. OH thinks we should tell her to f off, but he would!

She's only been there a little while and I don't really know her at all, but she's always seemed a bit highly strung. Rational side is saying just give in for a quiet life, stubborn side of me thinks if she can't be polite she deserves nothing and giving into her will just encourage her ridiculous behaviour.

Which side of me is BU???

OP posts:
giantpurplepeopleeater · 03/11/2010 08:13

I think you have been given some VERY VERY VERY good advice on here.

This is a complete can of worms - a disaster waiting to happen.

She has proved that she cannot be trusted AT ALL to be reasonable. So what will you do if there are any issues over the next 3 - 6 months. You CANNOT rely on her to sort them out.

I would say NO, NO, NO, NO.

And leave it at that. If she wants it to happen she should think about how to solve this issue and other possible future ones, and then come to you with a proposal. If she doesn't - TOUGH LUCK.

PfftTheMildySpookyDragon · 03/11/2010 08:23

YANBU, she wants a favour from you and is being rude!

Not also that, but the builders want a favour too!

We had this same issue - our neighbours were having an extension and wanted the scaffolding on our land. We said yea, we got on well with them.

The difference was, the builders came to talk to us about it, they explained that it is possible to finish the work without the scaffold (they build from the inside rather than the outside) but it's a LOT more work, will take more time and is a pain in the arse. They were very appreciative of all the time that we had saved them, they replaced our rickety fence for free for us.

You would think, that if someone is so desperate for a favour, they would be a little more polite about it!

They MUST be able to put the scaffold up without blocking the door.

hystericalmum · 03/11/2010 10:00

I'd say "up yours" to her & shove a scaffolding tube up her arse.

But take advice from the other MN-ers. They're far more civil than me! Grin

cumfy · 03/11/2010 10:24

If she does give you any more shit:

Just tape a tube of KY jelly to a small piece of scaffold, and deposit in her letterbox.Wink

Unfortunately, it sounds like she may require accompanying instructions.Sad

HonestyBox · 03/11/2010 10:31

IMO neighbours should bend over backwards to avoid upsetting you when they are doing building works so YANBU.

ninedragons · 03/11/2010 11:03

The behaviour is a red flag, more than anything. This is all going to go pear-shaped - it almost has on Day 1.

If she treats OP, from whom she desperately needs a favour, like this from the outset, is she really going to skate through her building project without a hitch? Or is she going to get embroiled in some sort of court battle with her builder, who has long since downed tools and left scaffolding and building rubble all over OP's property?

Just say no. Seriously, life NEVER runs smoother for getting involved with nutters.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 03/11/2010 11:12

I think you've handled this very, very well. Your neighbour's work should be able to go ahead but you'll also maintain your access. She sounds rather strange (and her initial comments were extremely rude and sexist) but I would put it down to stress and hope that you can start getting on as neighbours. Should you need a favour from her in future she definitely owes you!

Iwantanextension · 03/11/2010 11:26

Well, I am not at all surprised you have brought your unreasonable moaning onto MN. I bet all the other people agreeing with you are SAHMs with pink fluffy brains too.

I think you are very mean. After all, my extension will raise the tone of the neighbourhood and add considerable value to your property. You really should be paying me for the privilege of having my scaffolding on your land.

I will expect an apology and a bunch of flowers by the end of the day or I will tell my solicitor to apply for an emergency "Sense of Entitlement order".

PS The only reason I wanted to speak to your husband is so that I could try to sleep with him. I have seen him over the fence and have had naughty dreams....

PfftTheMildySpookyDragon · 03/11/2010 11:46
Grin
giveitago · 03/11/2010 12:02

Looks like your neighbour isn't clued about the risks at all - so she's got a bloody cheek treating you like some wierdo.

All risks are her risks - she needs to manage them whether it be on her propery or hers.

Actually - three months of kids walking through your hall will mean damage to your carpets - will she pay?

Will she project manage her builders at all both on her land and your yours? Will she organise to undertake all admin to cover you in the event of any damage or loss directly or indirectly through this project? Third party indemnity for any risk for people coming to your property etc.

To date she hasn't and has expected you to take up the slack and be insulted at the same time.

I'd do it but with STRICT criteria in terms of time, compensation etc and with the idea that after all this she owes you BIG TIME.

Throw this at her and make her come up with the goods.

minipen · 03/11/2010 12:07

Iwantanextension - where do I get this pink fluffy brain you speak of? I looked on Boden but maybe you could post a link?

TandB · 03/11/2010 12:10

I can't be bothered to namechange back into Iwantanextension to reply, minipen.

Pink fluffy brains are a very exclusive line. If I have a second child I will be staying at home and hopefully expanding my fledgling sewing business. I am considering producing a high qualiy selection of pink fluffy brains - would you like to put your name down?

MrsNonSmoker · 03/11/2010 12:41

I was sitting here surfing worried sick about new neighbours doing similar things, but in your case I'd say it was a bit more clear cut - get advice from local authority by all means, but I think you will find she has to apply to the court for an access order, and that access will be on your terms. Don't agree to it until you have looked into everything as more problems are likely to come up along the line e.g., builders making a nuisance of themselves, damage to your property etc.

Someone earlier made a point about insurance, you may find that if you allow this you invalidate your buildings insurance, so in fact you probably have loads of very good reasons why you couldn't give permission in the first place. Good Luck, will be following this one!

emptyshell · 03/11/2010 13:46

Message from my cat:

You're not being unreasonable about the catflap thing.

FindingGuysMojo · 03/11/2010 14:40

she's shot herself in the foot really by being so unnecessarily rude & horrible to you.

I'd let her put the scaffolding up AFTER she came an apologised proffusly & properly and PROVIDED THAT you have access to your door etc. No door access, then no scaffolding & if they are too incompetent to sort that out then no scaffolding.

FindingGuysMojo · 03/11/2010 14:47

gosh she really sounds like a total cow - can you add into your list of conditions that she will build a 6 foot fence too & will never attempt to cross it?? Hope her kids aren't the same age as yours ............ (visions on ongoing horrors for years to come)

EldritchCleavage · 03/11/2010 15:05

You know what, she should get a party wall/boundary dispute surveyor to do all the admin AND PAY FOR IT.

It may well be that stropping off is her default setting, in which case you may have many more confrontations in store and getting her to deal with things reasonably will be hard.

With that in mind I advise keeping everything in writing (even e.g setting up an email account and insisting she use it rather than come round, except when you need to have meetings which you AND your DH should attend and note).

Please do demand to see her builder's insurance cert and confirm with builder s/he is liable for scaffolders as his/her sub-contractors.

I reckon if she flies off the handle again you can safely tell her permission is now withdrawn because she is so difficult to deal with.

We did an extension last year and I am amazed at her attitude. I felt my neighbours were doing me a favour granting me access, and behaved accordingly.

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/11/2010 15:18

Christ Viv are you mad to back down on this?

It is perectly possible to build with scaffolding erected in such a manner that it does not encroach on a neighbours land. DP built BIL's extention in this way - he built right up tp the land boundary but did not put scaffolding on the neighbours land. It was done inside out, iyswim.

So she is bullshitting you on that score.

And frankly, after the way she spoke to you that would be IT. How dare she?

I am with your husband, don't piss about to accomodate her, anytghing she says giving assertions that she will be liable for damage will not be worth the paper it is written on. Do you potentially want legal wrangles?

Just tell her that the scaffolding is not to encroach on your land. Don't make overtures.

I don't understand why you should inconvenience yourself for your neighbour. Just don't talk to her. What difference will that nmake to your life, she is only a neighbour.

GiddyPickle · 03/11/2010 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

terryble · 03/11/2010 15:41

I see why you would think about giving in, for a quiet life, but the thing is, I'm not sure giving in would equal a quiet life.

Think about it. If she is this rude asking a favour at the stage where you have the power to say Yay or Nay, what will she be like if you have to ask her to sort out a problem? Suppose the builders block you in? I suppose she'll say sahms don't need to go out in a car.

I mean, if you say you don't want the cat-flap blocked, it should not get blocked. It isn't complicated, is it? It is very simple to explain. But she couldn't even explain that to her scaffolders.

It's a cat-flap. For a cat. To go in and out of. Therefore it shouldn't have a post in front of it.

Suda · 03/11/2010 15:43

Absolutely agree - the very aptly named - GETORFMOILAND - spot on - I cannot understand it either and I cant understand people still telling OP to get surveyors and hold meetings and make sure of this and make sure of that. This is not a 2way or boundary dispute - she wants something from the OP - access to her land - OP does not have to give her this legally and definitely not morally after her terrible behaviour and attitude - which will deteriorate further if she gets her own way through this behaviour IMO.

No let her swivel - and emptyshell my dog - who loves ambushing next doors cat outside her cat flap - till she gave him a good slapping round his head with the old 2 inch retractables last week Hmm has also cast his vote - he looks like Pudsey and is feeling sorry for himself now but despite his ordeal still accepts that a cat has a right to cat flap access.Hmm

Suda · 03/11/2010 15:55

GIDDYPICKLE - yes absolutely - thats what I'm trying to say - x posts I think. What shall we do - can we all go and picket outside - where do you live OP ?? Lets make some placards and when neighbour from hell trots up path again we could give her the Mnet verdict - FUCK OFF !!!

Got to have Getorfmoiland as our spokesman and Emptyshells cat our mascot and my 'Pudsey' could guard the front gate ( no one will get past him - certain death by licking)

EldritchCleavage · 03/11/2010 16:12

I'm not telling OP to do anything, but since she sounds as though she is still going to allow the scaffolding I gave my view on the best way for her to protect herself. In her position, I think I'd probably refuse. That's what I did to my neighbour when his dodgy roofers were all over my roof without permission.

TheYearOfTheCat · 03/11/2010 16:27

Where is the OP? Any further thoughts on this?

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/11/2010 16:51

Christ yes I am aptly named for this thread Grin

I think stuff like this can be so contentious. My BIL asked his next door neighbours if he could accees their land for scaffolding, as it would have been easier. They said no, presumably as they didn't want hairy arsed bricklayers up and down their garden path for months on end. It was fine - no offense taken. They just didn't want the hassle and mess, and it was perfectly reasonable to refuset he request.

I would NOT bend over backwards for this rude cow - saying stuff like the OP's brain has atrophied after being a sahm. Good on her for telling the builders to move in the first place.

OP - don't back down now, fgs.