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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have splatted a half eaten ice cream cone on his head?

324 replies

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 20:19

Husband arrived home from work. Kids and I had finished our tea and were eating our ice cream. He heated his up in microwave and joined us at the table. Sausage, mash, onion gravy, carrots and sweetcorn.

'oh, I'll just get some brown sauce' - he jumps up and goes and gets it. I say 'EEERR thats gross, try it without first.' He starts to squeeze - 'just try it first (nervous laugh to make him feel like I am not 'telling him' although this is obviously lost in translation)as the bottle of brown sauce is then lobbed across table and onto floor, DS4, DD1 and mother all look on mouths gaping, although mother then remembers that such childish ways of communication are quite commonplace from him.

Mother thinks (in a very quick flash) - all these things all at once - I am angry because he has had yet another 'tantrum', I am angry at myself for even saying anything anyway, he wasn't trying to say my food was tasteless, he just wanted extra flavour. And I decide to let it go and just carry on eating my ice cream... then I look up at him and he is glaring at me as if I am the wife from hell. Something inside me just releases and I just cannot resist, 'splat'! I didn't really think about it, and I am still not entirely sure of my motives but I think it was 'well, if he is going to have a tantrum, so will I'! And I certainly did not consider the consequences!

I could tell he was extremely angry by the rage in his eyes - which to me seemed absurd, to be so angry at such as silly thing, so I laughed, so much and so hysterically that I looked quite deluded, so I left the room to put the kids bath on.

About 10 seconds later, hubby was upstairs getting ironing board out 'What are you doing, you should eat your tea it will get cold' - yes you guessed it - its in the bin!

Of course, my trip wire is finally pushed right over the edge and rage erupts as I think of how ungrateful he is and feel really annoyed at him trying to punish me by making me feel guilty that he now has had no tea.

I know I was unreasonable. I know he was unreasonable. I also think it is so funny and thought you all must deserve a laugh!

We are still out of sorts with each other because I am always the first to apologise, have been for 9 years, but tonight, I am just waiting for him to decide enough is enough and that he wants to make amends. I will let you know if he ever does - very doubtful!

I will end up saying sorry, then he will say sorry. I don't think I will be able to let it go on much longer.

AAAHH, the joys of having a marriage to uphold!

OP posts:
Boobalina · 29/10/2010 23:26

I'm going to kiss my sleeping kidders goodnight and stretch out ON MY OWN in my kingsize bed with white company lovely duvet cover and thank the lord once again, I am now single and I dont have to deal with shit like this anymore... no more simmering resentment, no wierd freaky cross behaviour, no more 'working at it'... ahhhh!

Bonne Nuit

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:27

Too many questions.

I am surprised at how many people will openly call me stupid or nuts and the like.

Guacamole - that is very good, advice. I do indeed try to chill out and be good natured 100 of the time.

OP posts:
dittany · 29/10/2010 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 29/10/2010 23:29

When DD was 2 or 3 my mum threw a washing up bowl of water over my dad infront of DD. She's 9 now and still talks about it fairly frequently, I think it has deeply upset her.

Incidently my parents seperated soon after this and had been married for over 25 years.

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 23:30

and 'keeping the spark alive' - that was awful. Felt like cupping a small bit of vaguely smoking moss on a wet and windy moor in february wearing a brown cagoule - all smiling bravely saying, it will catch soon, just you see, there, nearly a small flame again....

Grin
AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:32

my husband would have laughed another night. Some relationships are obviously more secure than others. We can have a fall out, then say sorry and go hunkey dorey for the next who knows how long. Usually more than a month.

OP posts:
booooooooooyhoo · 29/10/2010 23:32

i remember mum throwing the phone (big heavy one with the round dialer) and a coffe mug at my dad. scared the shit out of me and even then i knew she was mad as a box of frogs. believe me tehre was nothing funny about seeing that.

dittany · 29/10/2010 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:33

hobbgoblin - Thanks, but honestly, I am used to the hounding now. I just enjoy answering the questions and seeing where it goes.

Not everyone gets everyone else in life. We all have our differences.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 29/10/2010 23:35

op only you now your motives for posting,or really what state of your marriage is.however given what you posted no wonder you get responses

ShirleyGarrote · 29/10/2010 23:36

Guacamole - My mum once threw a plate of mince somewhere - I don't remember where, just that was a plate of mince. She also took my dad's dinner down the tennis club on a tray (arf) because he was so late. As a protest and to SHAME him, not as so he had his tea.

I don't feel damaged by these experiences as a child - I just think that sometimes, sometimes, adults don't act as adults and we regress into childish behaviour. Never desirable, never something we should feel is normal, just an aberration?

Not sure what my point is as regards to the OP - er my post is more about the whole loss of temper and mental throwing of food is not always an indicator of terrible abusive relationships I guess.

My XH once threw a plate of food on the floor though, and that was definitely a case of him being a massive cunt rather than....

wait - does the fact that my mum once chucked mince around mean that I was destined to a life of food throwing in my adult years?

Wow.

dittany · 29/10/2010 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 23:40

Husband arrived home from work. Kids and I had finished our tea and were eating our ice cream. He heated his up in microwave and joined us at the table. Sausage, mash, onion gravy, carrots and sweetcorn.

'oh, I'll just get some brown sauce' - he jumps up and goes and gets it. I say 'EEERR thats gross, try it without first.' He starts to squeeze - 'just try it first (nervous laugh to make him feel like I am not 'telling him' although this is obviously lost in translation)as the bottle of brown sauce is then lobbed across table and onto floor, DS4, DD1 and mother all look on mouths gaping, although mother then remembers that such childish ways of communication are quite commonplace from him.

Mother thinks (in a very quick flash) - all these things all at once - I am angry because he has had yet another 'tantrum', I am angry at myself for even saying anything anyway, he wasn't trying to say my food was tasteless, he just wanted extra flavour. And I decide to let it go and just carry on eating my ice cream... then I look up at him and he is glaring at me as if I am the wife from hell. Something inside me just releases and I just cannot resist, 'splat'! I didn't really think about it, and I am still not entirely sure of my motives but I think it was 'well, if he is going to have a tantrum, so will I'! And I certainly did not consider the consequences!

I could tell he was extremely angry by the rage in his eyes - which to me seemed absurd, to be so angry at such as silly thing, so I laughed, so much and so hysterically that I looked quite deluded, so I left the room to put the kids bath on.

About 10 seconds later, hubby was upstairs getting ironing board out 'What are you doing, you should eat your tea it will get cold' - yes you guessed it - its in the bin!

Of course, my trip wire is finally pushed right over the edge and rage erupts as I think of how ungrateful he is and feel really annoyed at him trying to punish me by making me feel guilty that he now has had no tea.

I know I was unreasonable. I know he was unreasonable. I also think it is so funny and thought you all must deserve a laugh!

READ ALL THE BOLD BITS ALWAYS... nothing funny here

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:43

dittany - I am sorry you were in a family like what you think I am in.

This really was a blue moon event and not all that explosive - I think, as others have hinted and quite rightly pointed out - my writing on the opening post is a little too emotive and you don't get any of the background.

Really, you don't have to believe it is true, but honestly, my relationship is rock solid, full of mutual respect and love - both with my kids and husband.

I honestly just wanted to share the absurdity of a moment of human nature with everyone - I did not realise it would lead to all these qustions and assumptions that I am in an unhealty marriage.

OP posts:
AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:48

Boobalina - I don't expect you to understand my motives for posting or agree with them.

I can totally see how it looks manic - it IS! At that moment in time, I was totally off the wall mad, crazy and self indulgent. I am not like this all the time.

I am trying to show how ridiculous I was - one off, we all experience these childish emotions, most of us blame, resent, feel guilty, go over board - to various degrees.

Just at how now and again, we just get lost in a sea of emotion because we are human. Just thought others may share that feeling now and again.

OP posts:
BitOfFunderthepatio · 29/10/2010 23:48

Why does your OP make it sound like this is all part of some unhealthy pattern then? Boobalina's bolding of parts emphasises it very well, I think.

dittany · 29/10/2010 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobbgoblin · 29/10/2010 23:49

But why are you laughing at/with (at different times) one another regarding the contempt you both have?

Your DH didn't throw sauce across the table in response to your hen pecking because he finds it adorable or amusing did he? He did it because you made him momentarily lose himself in his contempt for you. You did not nag him about brown sauce because of your love for him at that moment, it was because of your brief despising of him and his actions regarding your culinary efforts. You may well feel pretend your marriage is 99 % respect and affection but your actions reveal that there is massive disrespect and unhappiness. Surely you can look beyond faux niceties and see this?

scottishmummy · 29/10/2010 23:52

humour and denial are defence mechanisms.cant make op reach consciousness or awareness of whatever situation she is in.i agree is bizzare op and she back tracking furiously

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:52

It was an unhealthy pattern of thinking and thats why I lost it.

OP posts:
AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:53

OK I will humour you. I am in denial. What should I do?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 29/10/2010 23:55

have a think about why your marriage comes across dysfunctional,what you think "an unhealthy pattern of thinking" is

dittany · 29/10/2010 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booooooooooyhoo · 29/10/2010 23:56

OP your post reads as if you have had a huge blow off with your DH but to convince yourself all is rosy in the garden you are posting here with an attempt at making it look really funny. you are in denial about what happened. you make make up tonight, and you may well be getting along swimmingly for a while but the issue that caused tonight's episode is still undealt with and because you made up so quickly you will feel justified in your head for acting as you did and may continue to tantrum like this in future. it isn't healthy for you or your dcs.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 23:56

I think I am crazy, because more often than not, I do get accused of being a troll when I am indeed not! Blush

OP posts: