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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have splatted a half eaten ice cream cone on his head?

324 replies

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 20:19

Husband arrived home from work. Kids and I had finished our tea and were eating our ice cream. He heated his up in microwave and joined us at the table. Sausage, mash, onion gravy, carrots and sweetcorn.

'oh, I'll just get some brown sauce' - he jumps up and goes and gets it. I say 'EEERR thats gross, try it without first.' He starts to squeeze - 'just try it first (nervous laugh to make him feel like I am not 'telling him' although this is obviously lost in translation)as the bottle of brown sauce is then lobbed across table and onto floor, DS4, DD1 and mother all look on mouths gaping, although mother then remembers that such childish ways of communication are quite commonplace from him.

Mother thinks (in a very quick flash) - all these things all at once - I am angry because he has had yet another 'tantrum', I am angry at myself for even saying anything anyway, he wasn't trying to say my food was tasteless, he just wanted extra flavour. And I decide to let it go and just carry on eating my ice cream... then I look up at him and he is glaring at me as if I am the wife from hell. Something inside me just releases and I just cannot resist, 'splat'! I didn't really think about it, and I am still not entirely sure of my motives but I think it was 'well, if he is going to have a tantrum, so will I'! And I certainly did not consider the consequences!

I could tell he was extremely angry by the rage in his eyes - which to me seemed absurd, to be so angry at such as silly thing, so I laughed, so much and so hysterically that I looked quite deluded, so I left the room to put the kids bath on.

About 10 seconds later, hubby was upstairs getting ironing board out 'What are you doing, you should eat your tea it will get cold' - yes you guessed it - its in the bin!

Of course, my trip wire is finally pushed right over the edge and rage erupts as I think of how ungrateful he is and feel really annoyed at him trying to punish me by making me feel guilty that he now has had no tea.

I know I was unreasonable. I know he was unreasonable. I also think it is so funny and thought you all must deserve a laugh!

We are still out of sorts with each other because I am always the first to apologise, have been for 9 years, but tonight, I am just waiting for him to decide enough is enough and that he wants to make amends. I will let you know if he ever does - very doubtful!

I will end up saying sorry, then he will say sorry. I don't think I will be able to let it go on much longer.

AAAHH, the joys of having a marriage to uphold!

OP posts:
Hedgeblunder · 29/10/2010 21:31

Attention seeking medal of the week.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:31

There was no raised voices, no shouting, no anger - just a couple of quiet comments and a look, a bit of laughing and mum popping out to put bath on.

OP posts:
Boobalina · 29/10/2010 21:34

Delusional
delusional
passive aggressive
delusional

very sad

Just because its all done quietly, doesnt make it ok

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:36

Boobalina - let me into your secret of being totally in control of all your emotions all of the time and never ever having a disagreement with your partner in front of your children then please?

THIS IS A ONE OFF EVENT OVER 9 YEARS OF HAPPY LOVE FILLED MARRIAGE.

Also, I don't understand what you are saying when you say passive aggressive?

OP posts:
ShirleyGarrote · 29/10/2010 21:39

The problem as I see it is that a shard of ice cream cone could have very easily pierced the OP's Dh's head and gone into his brain.

The HSE would have something to say about this matter, and it wouldn't be good.

not good at all.

Tigeristhewickerman · 29/10/2010 21:41

Brain?

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:41

If, in a fit of pent up, I've been off with my kids for 12 months and I am due back at work on Monday and I miss my dog so much, misplaced brown sauce fuelled rage, I ever do anything like this again, I will, in memory of you ShirleyGarrote, use the bloody brown sauce instead.

OP posts:
ShirleyGarrote · 29/10/2010 21:42

yes into his brain. or in his eye or maybe in his ear.

This is serious stuff. Do you have any idea how many people die a week from ice cream cone related injuries?

Do you?

It's a lot more than you'd imagine. Walls try to keep the information hidden, google it, you'll be surprised...

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 21:44

I never said I was 100% in control of my emotions all of the time, not once.

I had many disagrements in front of my kids which I am not proud of.

I too am a 'pleaser'

Passive aggressive - google it.

I'm not down on who you are as a person, but the situation didnt seem very funny, as ALL THE OTHER POSTERS have also said, not just me.

I know I may sound agressive in my posts. But it sounds so familiar to my marriage, always workign at it, always keeping a tight rein on my emotions, always 'keeping control'

The disagreement tonight was a battle of wills and control - that usually stems from a 9 year marriage....

I'm sure you'll have a wonderous making up session tonight and it will all be glorious in time for the weekend.

Read your intial post again....

dittany · 29/10/2010 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:46

Lucky for me, my husband is no angel, knows he has faults, knows I have faults, and forgives me my ails, as I do him his. (eventually and sometimes after a little spat (not ever the likes of this monstrosity mind)

Plus, we both willingly work on our personal and joint bad personality habits that cause conflict to achieve a more harmonious relationship. Being human, we often fail to control the part of our brain that unleashes rage before our frontal lobe can catch up.

Luckily for us, we re engage the higher brain and toddle quickly and lovingly back to normality (which is a lovely relationship and 2 amazing children)

OP posts:
AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:48

Shirley, I think perhaps tiger was asking 'brain' ie. hubby is male, therefore has no brain to speak of? I could be wrong of course, as my name suggests, I often am and know it.

OP posts:
LionOnTheFloorInAPoolOfBlood · 29/10/2010 21:49

If it is all sweetness and light, then why did you bother posting

Sounds f**ked up to me

And for what it's worth I've been with DP for 14 years or so, and we have NEVER thrown things at each other.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:50

I know what passive aggressive is, I just don't see how it applies to me in this case. I just assumed (as it seems so commonplace during this thread to do so) that from your posts and your descriptions of me as deluded that you must never have a loss of control. Sorry if I misinterpreted you.

OP posts:
ShirleyGarrote · 29/10/2010 21:50

oh right.

I thought she was actually questioning whether a piece of ice cream cone could go in the brain.

Because it can and does with depressing regularity.

Quattrocento · 29/10/2010 21:53

To be honest I think the OP sounds as though she is suffering from depression.

Now I personally think brown sauce is an invention of the devil but if my DH wanted to put brown sauce and custard on his supper, that's entirely up to him. Bit controlling to have a go over brown sauce, don't you think?

TBH, I think that's not the only way you were off. Bit bloody rude not to hold on until he got home - if you were still eating you could surely have waited a few more minutes for him to come home then you could all eat together

It was a bit childish of him to lose his rag, but for you to splat him with an icecream? That's not very normal you know.

Boobalina · 29/10/2010 21:54

Do you really talk like this on a day to day basis and do you really describe your relationship thus "Plus, we both willingly work on our personal and joint bad personality habits that cause conflict to achieve a more harmonious relationship. Being human, we often fail to control the part of our brain that unleashes rage before our frontal lobe can catch up"

It sounds like a mixture of self-affirmation and marriage guidance spiel....

I am astonished. Good luck with it all...

Glad you are so centred.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:55

I posted saying I knew we were both out of line. I forgot that everyone out here only had that to go on and not the background of our usual selves to go on.

Now, obviously given the majority of reactions, I realise that even out of the blue instances of such ridiculous behaviour however short lived, are utterly abhorrent acts that can damage your children. (is that passive aggressive?) (Is asking if something is passive aggressive, passive aggressive?)

I think I perhaps do have passive aggressive issues. One thing to work on, amongst so many.

I honestly, obviously wrongly, thought that people would empathise, having had similar out of mind experiences that led to seriously out of order situations, once or twice in a lifetime.

Forgot - people don't always see things the way I do. Sorry... I haven't meant to cause anyone any offence at all.

Perhaps my descriptive writing could do with a bit of work!

OP posts:
AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:57

Lion, I better clear up for you - we did not throw, nor have we ever thrown, anything at each other. One brown sauce across table to floor. One ice cream cone (squishy) splat onto curly mop of hair.

OP posts:
merryberry · 29/10/2010 21:57

really really confused. bangers and mash, what else do you do with it?

LionOnTheFloorInAPoolOfBlood · 29/10/2010 21:58

Yes a creative writing class would do you the power of good Smile

huddspur · 29/10/2010 21:59

Why shouldn't he have brown sauce on his meal if he wants it? He's not forcing you to.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 22:00

I am not depressed, or controlling. My hubby and I are both quite bossy, it is something we have to work on together to keep things sweet (is this language better boobs? Trying to describe feelings and suchlike in response to the questions posed does require me to reach deeper into my vocabulary and levels of expression. I do not talk like this at all)

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 29/10/2010 22:02

See this is what I meant about your thinking being skewed

"people would empathise, having had similar out of mind experiences that led to seriously out of order situations"

Umm, you have got some issues here to resolve.

You haven't yet explained why you didn't wait for 5 minutes for him to come home before tucking in. Shows a fundamental lack of ... something. Care maybe? Lovingness? Something's wrong.

dittany · 29/10/2010 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.