AIBU to dare to suggest that children are better off NOT in nursery til 3?

[WeakAndMilky]

AIBU to NOT buy into the belief that exposing toddlers to every bug going is good for their immune system? Nurseries are terrible places for bugs and so many DCs spend half their time with D&V, colds, fevers, rashes etc. If you want an example of the 'constant cough/cold syndrome' look on Childrens Health!

True some parents have no choice and children do need to see other children. But they dont do much interactive play before the age of 3 and their immune system has plenty of time to build with more limited contact with other kids and adults.

My own DCs went only to playgroup weekly before school started, and they didnt collapse under the bombardment of viruses when they did go, just the usual minor stuff. My DD never had an antibiotic til she was a teenager!

Please dont bang on about having no choice due to work (you obviously don't have a choice) but there are plenty of mums who do have the choice and choose to send babies and toddlers to nursery.

"The theory ofen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hygiene_hypothesisHygiene Hypothesis" has been going on for some time.

I've not met anyone yet who sends their child to nursery just to expose them to bugs, so for even tabling that as part of the discussion have my first

People don't always parent like you do. Move on.

You can suggest all you want OP but personally I think YABU. I agree with babybarrister. Lets face it, it wasn't for all these poorly DC with coughs, colds etc you may well be out of a job. [hgrin]

FWIW, my DD has been at nursery for a year now and loves it, she didn't get as poorly as I thought she might. OTOH my Dsis hasn't sent either of her DC to nursery and both get sick all the time. Maybe it's not nursery, maybe it's luck of the draw?

damn the link went weird

I came up with the biggest pro/con list before sending my PFB to nursery. Pretty sure that the picking up of illnesses went firmly on the con side!

She has only really had the odd sniffle, it was my DNiece who hardly goes out anywhere and is looked after by Grandparents that gave my DD chicken pox

I would suggest that as a nurse seeing ill children all the time you're getting a skewed picture as you don't know how many you're not seeing who are perfectly fine.

My dds both went to nursery from a year old (and me a sahm too! ) and are hardly ever ill. We've never had the 'coughs and colds all winter' type thing you describe.

domeafavour, I'm not trying to smack you in the face.

I think it's okay to say that nursery is not the best place for a child but not the most harmful either.

There's too much guilt attached to childcare for women. I have struggled so much with it since I had my ds and am absolutely dreading beginning transition later in the month. My dh has never given it a second thought.

However, I don't think the answer to the many complex feelings and opinions we have about childcare is to dress one choice up as having benefits it probably hasn't. It's a false comfort. I wish there were more discussions about how to manage feelings about childcare without a load of people being ultra-defensive and defending it to the hilt, or worse, coming to believe that their children would be better socialised/linguistically/academically etc if they went to nursery. I actually read a post that suggested that "professionals" were better placed to entertain toddlers than parents . I don't agree with making it out to be more than it is, that's all.. yet I have to live with my own guilt knowing that my choice is offering my son something less than optimal because I want/need to work. While questioning why I feel that guilt and my husband doesn't..

I forgot to add my ds will be going to nursery f/t when he turns 2 so I can go to university and get a career (because I want to) So he will enter the nursery hell hole of diseases, fingers crossed he will make it through without contracting some god awful illness but after this thread i'm just not sure he will

Most illnesses are caught by exposure to other people. Avoid places where other people are and you'll be fine.

Am I weird? DD's going to start nursery one day a week next week (7 months old) and I can't WAIT for my day a week at work.
Don't feel guilty or anything really.
'Less than optimal' - ooo look that's what the bf vs ff threads describe ff as. How fun.

I was going to say similar BeerTrix

dome...If you believed and still believe it is the best for your son, then you have made the right decision. Why would strangers' opinions change that? Unless perhaps you weren't secure in your decision in the first place. If that's the case and you have now discovered something which has made you feel that you made the wrong choice then you have to forgive yourself and move on. It's an intrinsic part of parenting, IME!

Don't let this thread upset you domeafavour.

I am going to join Duelingfanjo in proudly proclaiming that I returned to work willingly (although a couple of months earlier than intended due to a court committment)and put my 6 month old in nursery to do so.

He loves it and is happy, thriving, sociable and healthy.

I don't actually care if people want to "bang on" about how all the reasons given for nursery being a good thing (socialising, immune system etc) are a load of rubbish. I haven't seen anything that makes me doubt my decision. It's a shame that people feel the need to try to undermine other people's cited reasons for an important parenting decision. Does the fact that domeafavour is now upset make anyone else a better parent?

OP, your views are a bit bonkers.

People work, mostly because they have to.
They send their children to nursery (or to childminders), because they have to work.

Big wow.

If you are happy being at home - if you are able to make that choice - why on earth do you care what other people think about something as trivial as your child's likelihood of catching a cold or not?

Unless this is really a 'let's attack people who work and send their children to nursery' thread by stealth?

thefinerthingsinlife - oy! Give me back that "badmother" award. S'not yours!

Ah, so OP and all the other similar posters are trying to prove they are better parents. To a computer screen.
How very odd.
They really don't deserve replies.
Dome - be nice to yourself.

My DCs both went to day nursery from the age of 5 months and are very rarely ill and have been that way since birth.

Must be their robust Northern genes!

DancingHippoOnAcid - my son presumably has half of my robust northern genes. And half of his father's sissy southern genes.
Can you advise as to whether putting him in nursery was a Good Thing or a Very Very bad Thing.

kungfupannda I am willing to share, however you need to state your credentials first

I think it's everyone's choice, but I only chose to send DC to nursery at 2 1/2 and then for only 2 mornings a week. I really felt he was better off with mum and dad for most of the time. That's what I really wanted. And it's true that with some other babies we knew who went to nursery from 6 months say, they were constantly ill

I am surprised an allied health professional wouldn't check the research literature before spouting off to members of the public about child health.

Daycare protects against asthma:

www.jacionline.org/article/S0091-6749%2808%2901182-2/abstract

Day-care attendance was associated with a reduced risk of current wheezing in 5-year-old children. The protective effect appeared strongest for children who entered day-care between the ages of 6 and 12 months.

Daycare protects against leukaemia:

www.bmj.com/content/330/7503/1294.full

Children attending day care centres on a regular basis in the first few months of life are less likely to develop acute lymphoblastic leukaemia than are children who do not.

Daycare protects against juvenile diabetes:

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1046/j.1464-5491.2000.00220.x/full

Social mixing through attendance at daycare in early infancy appears to confer protection against the development of childhood diabetes. This may be mediated through exposure to infectious agent(s) as a significant dose?response effect was evident with increasing numbers of child ?contacts?. These findings suggest early infectious exposure may play a role in the development of immunoregulatory mechanisms which protect against diabetes and further work is warranted.

---

However the literature agrees that children are indeed more likely to get colds, ear infections and diarrhoea if they attend daycare facilities with more than six children there, whether it's for a few hours a week or full-time, but also that this will have no long term effect on children's health or development, other than making them less prone to such infections at school in the medium term.

Moral of the tale? Probably that kids have to have a certain number of upper respiratory tract immune challenges before the age of 1 to ensure optimum health and functional immunological responses, and nursery provides a good environment for that.

domeafavour I am so sorry you are upset,I wish I'd never started this, you sound a loving and caring mum, you would not be so upset if this was not the case. I was not trying to criticise anyone but to dispute the belief that nurseries build healthy immune systems. It really upsets me to see and talk to frantic anxious parents all day who are worried sick about their LOs, perhaps this colours my view of nurseries??? One mum was worried sick about losing her job because of her DSs ongoing cough - thats not the way parenting should be.

Babies who are vaccinated early show fewer antibodies to the vaccine than childrens who have delayed vaccination. This has been proven with blood tests - my point is the older the child the healthier they are immune wise, regardless of early exposure.

I'm not attacking working mothers - I have worked most of my life, I just hate a system where the mothers who dont want to work but spend time with their toddlers are forced by the way society is back to the workplace.

I should YABVU for talking out your backside and not checking the science. As I tell my students, it doesn't matter what you think. If you haven't done or checked the research, then it's just opinionated claptrap.

kungfupanda, rest assured that whatever choice you make it will be wrong.

As we all know, a mothers place is in the wrong.