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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to dare to suggest that children are better off NOT in nursery til 3?

303 replies

WeakAndMilky · 29/10/2010 14:43

AIBU to NOT buy into the belief that exposing toddlers to every bug going is good for their immune system? Nurseries are terrible places for bugs and so many DCs spend half their time with D&V, colds, fevers, rashes etc. If you want an example of the 'constant cough/cold syndrome' look on Childrens Health!

True some parents have no choice and children do need to see other children. But they dont do much interactive play before the age of 3 and their immune system has plenty of time to build with more limited contact with other kids and adults.

My own DCs went only to playgroup weekly before school started, and they didnt collapse under the bombardment of viruses when they did go, just the usual minor stuff. My DD never had an antibiotic til she was a teenager!

Please dont bang on about having no choice due to work (you obviously don't have a choice) but there are plenty of mums who do have the choice and choose to send babies and toddlers to nursery.

OP posts:

Olifin · 29/10/2010 14:54

TBH, I've never heard anyone give 'it's good for their immune system' as their reason for putting children into nursery.

I would suggest the number one reason is so that the parents can go to work, closely followed by 'it's good for their social skills' or 'so I can get a break'.

Francagoestohollywood · 29/10/2010 14:54

YABU, and none of your business.

nannynobnobs · 29/10/2010 14:54

The only thing DD1 caught from nursery (started at 10mths) was chicken pox and maybe the snuffles. Now she is 9 and healthy as a horse- she has not had a sick day from school in over two years.
DD2 started nursery at 3 and has not even had pox yet (she will be 4 in two weeks). I keep expecting it and wondering if she will get it worse the older she gets. Still no sign though.

ABitBatty · 29/10/2010 14:56

Why is it any different from school?

Ds3 goes to nursery 5 days a week, 8-6pm and has been going just over a year and has had two colds. Never had D+V or anything else, but neither do my other dc. Reckon they built up their immune system from our house and car very early on. Incidentally I did not sterilise anything for dc3, hardly anything for ds2 and did with ds1.

Unwind · 29/10/2010 14:56

A nurse?

Might I suggest that you do some reading, based on your chosen profession?

I don't think you've managed to grasp the theory.

faverghoulles · 29/10/2010 14:56

Wasn't there some research done that showed a reduced risk of leukemia in children who'd been to nursery?
Apologies if that's complete bollocks.

domeafavour · 29/10/2010 14:57

I've never said this before, but fuck off

JarethTheGoblinKing · 29/10/2010 14:57

YABU

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 29/10/2010 14:57

Yes, a nursery is a vacuum of disease, best to keep your children locked up at home.

I do think children are better off catching lots of stuff when they're little, I did and I'm rarely ill now. DH who had a strong (according to his mother) immune system is half dead with a cold.

rainbowinthesky · 29/10/2010 14:57

I'm a little concerned about my own kids. Ds is nearly 15 and dd is 7 and neither have ever had antibiotics either despite both having attended nurseries. Weakandmilky - as a professional nurse could you advise me on where I went wrong??

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 29/10/2010 14:57

my dcs do not go to nursery, btw.

Original poster

WeakAndMilky · 29/10/2010 14:58

My only point is send children to nursery by all means but stop saying 'its good for their immune system'. Ive heard it a thousand times by parents and it really irritates me.

Sorry, having a bad day, we are in autumn now and if one more mum says it to me I think I'll scream.

OP posts:

ABitBatty · 29/10/2010 14:58

Do you ask older children if they go to school if they have a cold?

Nursery has nothing more to do with colds and illness than your average Post Office queue or bus full of people- surely?

BertieBotts · 29/10/2010 14:59

So toddler groups, soft play, children's centres, friends' children, swimming pools (etc etc) don't have these constant bugs that the other children at nursery have?

FWIW I agree with Clumsymum.

SummerHeightsHigh · 29/10/2010 14:59

I don't know of anyone who sends their DC to a nursery unless they have too, ie. the work.

The only exception is sending them to a preschool, which is exactly what it says on the tin, preparation for going to school. It gets them used to social situations, time away from parents etc. Its not all about what germs they may encounter, there is far more to it than that.

I have no idea why you have a bee in your bonnet about this.

jobhuntersrus · 29/10/2010 15:01

Are you saying this purely from a health point of view?

Yes young children do catch everything going. I stopped taking ds1 to toddler groups at aged 18mths because he constantly caught colds. Started going again at 2.5. Ds2 &3 however went to mums and toddlers and mixed with other kids from birth through to school. Looking back they all went through a stage of being ill all the time as young toddlers. It's just one of those thing and they only mixed with other kids a couple of times a week.

The point I am making is that mixing with other= illness at some point or other. Many children who don't go to nursery will still have periods of one illness after another ime.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 29/10/2010 15:01

All 3 of my children have been to nursery before they were 3- I can assure you I didn't send them there and spend hundreds of pounds to ensure they caught as many as colds as possible

I take them to the local swimming pool when I want them to be ill- it's far cheaper..

EvilAllenPoe · 29/10/2010 15:01

YABU.

my daughter loves being near other kids - always has. As an 8 month old baby she laughed for an hour solid when i took her to playgroup. I send her nursery now purely for her own enjoyment (EYFS - Tis free)

and indeed, the odd snivel here and there is no big thing.
'that which does not kill you makes you stronger' etc.

ENormaSnob · 29/10/2010 15:01

What area of nursing do you work in?

Have you ever heard of evidence based research? You know, that thing we are supposed to base our practice on

azazello · 29/10/2010 15:02

My DS has had antibiotics a couple of times (chest infection and tonsillitus) and currently has a D&V bug. He doesn't go to nursery and is still at home with me full time. DD does go to nursery and is a healthy little monkey - she's had none of these illnesses at all.

Unfortunately, there are other children who go to the library/ shops/ playground/ softplay/ music groups who don't appear to be entirely healthy. Should I just never leave the house?

3thumbedwitch · 29/10/2010 15:02

Hold on - if other people are saying it to the OP then she's not suggesting it to be true herself.

But does anyone here really think that? And so who are these parents who believe that it's good for their immune system?

SummerHeightsHigh · 29/10/2010 15:02

If thats what you meant OP thats what you should have said. Your original post reads a bit like 'children should not go to groups because they might get ill and anywaay, they don't need to play with others until they are three'.

PinkieMinx · 29/10/2010 15:03

I have several friends who send their children to nursery to stop them being clingy and to develop thier social skills

The flaming shows how insecure some people are about their choice to send DC's to nursery. Why not say - I have to/ I want to rather than some lame excuse.

MuffinMouse · 29/10/2010 15:04

You are brave for voicing this on MN! (The responses say it all). Actually, I agree with you, albeit for different reasons. I am a bit taken aback by the tone of your post though. ("Please don't bang on etc")

It's a choice issue for me. If parents/carers want to send an under 3 to a nursery setting, then they should have that choice. If you are asking me, what I think is absolutely the best setting for my child's needs irregardless of my/family's needs, then I believe that is a home based setting with lots of opportunities to go to toddler groups with mum/carer/childminder. (Home based care could be a child minder too). Then pre-school from three. You are right, there is little collaborative play until three onwards. Toddlers do learn to take turns and realise that their needs cannot always come first (but they also get this in a home based setting). Some small children appear to manage very well in a nursery, others struggle, but families have little choice.

I have been more concerned where parents have not made use of social opportunities with their toddler, and also do little to stimulate those children at home. In my experience offering these children nursery care gives them opportunities they really need.

I don't share my views unless asked directly. I have done here as I think this is what you were trying to get at .

And yes, I have 15 years experience of working in these settings. And no, I wouldn't offer guidance unless pushed, or the child was not settling despite plenty of time and appropriate support.

OK now for the onslaught (ducks for cover).

Meglet · 29/10/2010 15:05

Thinking about it I wonder if there might be fewer germs at nursery as they have to wash their hands quite often. My dc's nursery has child level sinks and they are quite strict about washing after toilets / before eating.

Soft play / toddler groups are riddled with un-washed hands eating biscuits IME.

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