AIBU to dare to suggest that children are better off NOT in nursery til 3?

[WeakAndMilky]

AIBU to NOT buy into the belief that exposing toddlers to every bug going is good for their immune system? Nurseries are terrible places for bugs and so many DCs spend half their time with D&V, colds, fevers, rashes etc. If you want an example of the 'constant cough/cold syndrome' look on Childrens Health!

True some parents have no choice and children do need to see other children. But they dont do much interactive play before the age of 3 and their immune system has plenty of time to build with more limited contact with other kids and adults.

My own DCs went only to playgroup weekly before school started, and they didnt collapse under the bombardment of viruses when they did go, just the usual minor stuff. My DD never had an antibiotic til she was a teenager!

Please dont bang on about having no choice due to work (you obviously don't have a choice) but there are plenty of mums who do have the choice and choose to send babies and toddlers to nursery.

I would say that there a good number of reasons not to send a child to a nursery (over a childminder), but immune system is most certainly not one of them.

What is important is the quality of care at a nursery, not whether it is a nursery or not.

I wish more people understood that.

FWIW My Dcs went to a day nursery because I needed to go back to work. No high-minded motivations, just practicalities.

But I feel they got a lot out of their time there.

It was a lovely caring place with a low staff turnover and they made some really special friends.

Each to their own.

Boffin Thank you for the research. I note the words 'appeared', 'less likely', 'appears to confer' occur in each of your research pieces So not that conclusive then? You agree that there are more coughs/colds D&V though. Is it worth it for some tiny babies to go through so much misery to be 'less likely' to contract the other relatively rare illnesses.

Flying - I decided against a childminder because I was nervous of entrusting DCs to the sole care of someone I did not know personally while thay were babies.

Rightly or wrongly, I felt happier knowing there would be several carers around who would be "checking up" on each other so would not be left at the "mercy" of just one carer unsupervised all day.

Maybe I was mad, but that's how I felt.

And they survived.

oh dear God, this is a new twist on an old favourite. So now I am meant to feel guilty about putting DD in nursery because of her health as well as everything else. I'll add it to my long long list.

FWIW my DD does get sniffles and so on like everyone else, but she has never once been so ill that we have had to keep her at home and she is generally a happy healthy little thing thanks very much

OP, I wonder where did your DC go while you were at work?

Perhaps you were lucky enough to have a partner or family member to care for them.

Or perhaps you lived in an area where there were lots of childminders with places available.

Or perhaps you could afford to take 3 years off work for each child.

And, I presume, you made sure you had the optimum gap to ensure your younger DC did not have to mix with the great unwashed on the school run.

Have a for the pure smuggery of your post, and for the fact that you have such a perfect life that you have never had to upset your perfect parenting with worries about losing your job. Congratulations.

Weakandmilky, this is just research speak, as you ought to know. The articles are in top journals and frequently positively cited, which is a sign of quality, and there are many more teams that have replicated the research and come up with similar findings, so you can rest assured the likelihood of them being right is a lot greater than the likelihood of you being right. Time for you to give in.

Are you really a nurse? When did you train and what are your qualifications? I am very puzzled you did not do this kind of search before posting.

BTW I don't agree, the medical profession agrees. There is a big difference.

I do not believe this person is a nurse.
You lot should not be rising to her bait.

Ah why, why do I always get sucked in by nursery threads on mn?

Social skills: I don't think at all it is a lame justification.

Young toddlers do learn social skills at nursery. And, confiding that they don't live at nursery 24/7 they will benefit from being cared by their parents and by different people in an environment that is not home, in the company of children their age.

Of course, 2 yrs old don't play and interact with their peers like a 4 yrs old does, but they still do it.

I noticed that my children learnt to be flexible, tolerant of other children's ways and to be quite generous with their possessions. Of course this might be their personality, but I think they benefitted enormously from being with other children, without me constantly hovering about, and not alone all day with mum and dad (I hated toddlers groups).

My DCs stayed with their father (we alternated shifts). I took 3 years off in total. I had a 2 and a half year gap between my 2.4 children (optimum I think). I drove my children to a good school out of their catchment area.

MY HANDS ARE UP TO EVERYTHING!
Sorry, Ive left the crumbs of your biscuit on the floor, tasted nice though!
FWIW. I have had as many problems as everyone else, and am pleased to take part in a forum where so many mothers are so passionately involved in and caring for their DCs.

You have not answered my question, weakandmilky.

A nurse...

You know when people come on MN and post about really weird / unpleasant / upsetting experiences with mad health professionals who insist on sharing their own stupid opinions with you? I always wonder who those mad people are, as in RL, I only seem to meet lovely nurses, HV's etc. Well, now I know who they are. They are the OP!

What is got to do with you, eh?

Nothing.

You be better of worrying about truely neglected children, or those 3rd world toddlers that spend their lives foraging for food in landfill, instead of bleating on about children who are perfectly aqueqautely cared for. Albeit in a different way than you would chose.

oh my god

optimum age gap between children too

*sarcastic

Boffin, I've not followed this closely, but you get my vote in the suspicion dept.

Hang on a minute Sal, I am a nurse, am I bonkers too

kreecher, you haven't come on here spouting bonkers views, so praobably not.

But I can, just give me a couple of minutes to come up with one (and neck some more sherry)

Sorry dome, to make my position clear if you felt your baby/toddler was missing out on socialising and felt compelled to send him to nursery for this reason alone then I think you're (general you) would be misguided to think that babies or toddlers need such input,. However I support the woman's right to choose (generally it's a woman's choice and not parents as the woman is more likely the primary carer) to have time away from her child whether she wants to shop/read/work/get her nails done/whatever.

Franca my children who did not attend nursery are impressively sociable, polite, kind and flexible children too. They did go to a Montessori group which focussed on good manners and independence from two and a half onwards, but only 2x2hours a week increased slowly until they went to school.

Dancing - I agree, if I couldnt have found a childminder that I trusted as much as mine I would have prefered a nursery for that reason.

also a agree that it is the quality of the nursery, but still would advocate a good cm over a good cm,

that said it's naff all to do with immune systems!

But surely all mothers are passionately involved in and caring for their DCs in your world? Every child is better off in their 'just clean enough for optimum health' home with their perfect mothers who dont smoke, drink or do drugs.Only by going to nursery would they pick up horrible viruses and bacteria.

Maybe one day you will work in a GP surgery in the middle of a deprived estate. That should stop you worrying about the children that go to nursery.

The anxiety caused by a 2.4 year gap is so damaging though.

Some body said earlier in the thread (apologies can't remember who) that it is the quality of care which matters and I agree. DC1 went to a gorgeous small nursery, with mature loving staff - fabulous! DC2 went to a childminder - mature and loving- also fabulous! DC2 got more infections. I think they are just different children personally. DC2 went to pre-school at 3y4 months and to be honest needed it a bit sooner, the structure, thinking of others. Other children would be different.