AIBU to dare to suggest that children are better off NOT in nursery til 3?

[WeakAndMilky]

AIBU to NOT buy into the belief that exposing toddlers to every bug going is good for their immune system? Nurseries are terrible places for bugs and so many DCs spend half their time with D&V, colds, fevers, rashes etc. If you want an example of the 'constant cough/cold syndrome' look on Childrens Health!

True some parents have no choice and children do need to see other children. But they dont do much interactive play before the age of 3 and their immune system has plenty of time to build with more limited contact with other kids and adults.

My own DCs went only to playgroup weekly before school started, and they didnt collapse under the bombardment of viruses when they did go, just the usual minor stuff. My DD never had an antibiotic til she was a teenager!

Please dont bang on about having no choice due to work (you obviously don't have a choice) but there are plenty of mums who do have the choice and choose to send babies and toddlers to nursery.

I didn't send to nursery until nearly 3 and not because of bugs or viruses. That didn't cross my mind at all.

I think better for toddlers to be cared for at home (eg with parents or other carer) or in home enviroment like childminder.

re: the antibiotics - both my kids have had antibiotics for things that they didn't catch at school - DD had infected fingernail and DS had infected pre-auricular sinus. Don't think going to nursery has anything to do with this.

Sorry OP think you are being unreasonable in your OP, no one makes decision nursery vs alernative because of bugs unless you are either MAD or have child with weakened immune system.

WeakAndMilky - personally, I don't disagree with your last post. But it is phrased completely differently to your OP.

Thanks Posie - I think evreyone gets far too defensive about thier choices!

Nope: it's part of being a parent.

And as someone else has said, ds has had fewer illnesses, the older he gets. He gets a new batch every time he goes into a new enivornment (starting at child-minder, starting at nursery and starting at school - I'm sure it'll happen again when he goes to secondary school) - and then it settles down again.

Posie - people get defensive because there is always someone waiting to make you feel guilty about them! And because the stakes are so bloody high.

here is so much pressure on parents to sent their DCs to nursery and go back to work. If the Government supported families more and allowed mums to parent their children until 2-3 there would be fewer stressed parents and healthier children.

Dear lord.
Because obviously women don't WANT to work. Good god no, that would be shocking!!
And cover that ankle you brazen hussy. And the piano's.

"IT'S GOOD FOR THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM IT'S GOOD FOR THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM IT'S GOOD FOR THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM".

[Runs to open window, lean out and listen for OP's scream. Doesn't hear it and draws the conclusion that OP is just shit-stirring]

Snuppeline

I think the OP meant that children don't tend to play interactively before the age of three, not that her DCs don't get any interaction. There is plenty of evidence that most children go through the same stages of play at similar times and the under-3s are usually engaged in solo or parallel play, rather than collaborative, as I recall.

Posting in a hurry, as am at work and don't want to get into trouble! However, I wanted to comment on the boosting-immune-system argument. I remember reading (though can't remember where - BBC website? Daily Fail?) about a study carried out a couple of years ago on children who regularly attended daycare settings (ie, nursery). These children were found to have a greatly REDUCED risk of developing leukaemia in childhood. Can't remember the stats; can't remember where I read it but I'm sure someone here will find a link. Just wanted the OP to know that there IS scientific evidence that nursery can have a beneficial effect on a very young immune system.
Sorry for brief/vague post. But felt it important to flag this up.

Am mildly amused at the idea of a Nurse getting desperately irritated becuase she has to treat sick children.

Op, you won't be meeting the healthy children who go to nursery quite as often as the ones suffering seasonal bugs because clearly they will be happily playing in nursery not needing to visit a nurse, so your anecdotal evidence is of limited value. For there are plenty of children who live healthy happy lives notwithstanding their daily routine involves mixing with other unrelated children.

I wonder if the parents with the poorly children in your clinic are made to feel the need to look on the bright side and comment on how their children's immune systems are being bolstered due to a feeling of being judged by their healthcare professional.

My DD went to a nursery from the age of 16 months. We were living in a vast sandpit in the middle east with very few opportunities for her to see other children. She did have several sets of A/B's for dysentry and pneumonia but I can't blame that on the school.
OP, you are talking out of your arse IMVHO,

Well my daughter's consultant paediatrician believes that going to nursery/preschool benefits childrens' immune systems. I'm inclined to believe her, given that she has 25 years of medical experience [hgrin]

All 3 of mine have been to nursery so I can work (as a nurse myself I'd quite like to maintain my registration) and have had very few bugs and are rarely unwell so nurseries aren't necessarily germ factories.

(I will concur that group childcare settings - and I include schools - increases the spread of D&V but that's largely due to poor handwashing in shared facilities rather than immune systems).

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1972506.stm

Re rare form of leukaemia and nurseries.

This is a debate that is never won! Everyone is made to feel shit, whether you stay at home or go to work. No default setting, apparently, for understanding that we all want to do the best for our families.

yes, I feel shit

No friends at parent and toddler class? How old do you expect a child to have friendships?

My DS didn;t get everything going at nursery. He still doesn't thank goodness (and touch wood). So I'm thinking it was OK to send him...

Just a quick point on the social skills: I do think it's a lame justification.

I will be sending my 11 month old to nursery starting in the middle of this month. I had looked at childminders but couldn't find one to suit us for a variety of reasons.

I don't think it's the right place for him. Young toddlers are absolutely egocentric, they have sod all interest in other babies in a "social" sense. They enjoy watching them and poking at their eyes and occasionally feeling their skin with their teeth but it won't develop their social skills one whit more than the odd playgroup here. Babies and toddlers learn about social skills from caring adults interacting with them and with others. A nursery environment doesn't afford a lot of 1:1 care so reduces the opportunities for learning about social interaction in this age group.

I have to go back to work and would probably choose to even if it weren't a necessity. I simply don't understand why I have to pretend nursery is a fantastic place that he will love and will enrich his life etc etc. It's a necessary evil, nothing more and nothing less. It will probably be quite stressful for him to transition to and then he will get used to it. It would be better for him to be home with me or someone else who loves and cares for him, but hey ho.

Perhaps not lame but an unnecessary expense if that's the only reason. My boys went to a pre school but didn't really have 'friends' before about four.

Well none of your business why people send their children to nursery! But to add my piece - my dd started at 11 months and is now 3.2 and has never had (apart of the usual cold / sniffle) any of the things you list. So FYI she has NOT collapsed under the bombardment of whatevers going!

Beak out 'mrs' I am the perfect mother!

oh - maybe this thread will get me out of the abortion one running at the moment. A little bit of variety.

I'll be sending my baby to a crech at about 10 months and going back to work because I want to. No 'need to' about it. Sue me. hooray.

creche woops!

yes, one more smack in the face, thanks arses

what do you mean with your last post posie?
Jesus, 2 bloody afternoons, and I never used up the whole afternoon, I always dropped him off late and picked him up early because I missed him. He absolutely loved it.
Now he has to go full time because I am going back to work and he has settled in so well, because it was familiar.
I'm hiding this thread now, because the tears are dripping off my face and I can't take anyone else judging my decisions.
Decisions that I made because I thought it was best for my son.