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Original poster

DSD abortion thread part II

946 replies

GivesHeadlessHorseman · 26/10/2010 21:05

carry on ladies....

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Original poster
GivesHeadlessHorseman · 27/10/2010 21:30

Sad I'm so depressed now. I gave my 15 year old DS a real lecture tonight over this. It came out of nowhere and he was a bit Confused poor boy! My idea of an absolute fucking living nightmare. Tess if there was such thing as a collective wish or a prayer that could lift this all away from you, you'd have it, right now from all of us. Smile

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CarGirl · 27/10/2010 21:30
Sad
Original poster
GivesHeadlessHorseman · 27/10/2010 21:33

Yes I completely agree with Quattro on the coping thing as well.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2010 21:35

Agree, DSD had better let the lad - and his parents - know, asap. It's not Tess' job to do that.

scaleymcnamechange · 27/10/2010 21:35

Georgi - my indignation stems from this girl being a studious, bookish 14 year old with no known boyfriend ... to becoming an awkward dd/dsd with a very difficult thing to fess up to ... progressing on to someone who is fiercely protective of the identity of the baby's father ... to being someone who suddenly admits to having underage sex on a school outing as a dare!

I find that hard to take on board. Call me old fashioned. Lord knows what Tess thinks.

JaxTellersOldLady · 27/10/2010 21:37

Tess What a bombshell this has been, and it seems to get more and more painful the more you find out.

Be kind to yourself, you have done more than enough for your DSD.

Like others have said, if I could take this away from you it would be done.

Rhinestone · 27/10/2010 21:37

I make no apology for being massively fucking furious indignant on Tess's behalf that her whole life has been turned upside down because a pair of teenagers 'did it' for a dare behind a building, presumably with a bunch of other teenagers watching for a dare.

It's bad enough as it is and it's not even 'young love' gone wrong.

Georgimama · 27/10/2010 21:38

It's nothing to do with being old fashioned or not. It's just not surprising that if a 14 year old girl who has no known boyfriend gets pregnant it is going to be as a result of a stupid incident like that.

mrswoodentop · 27/10/2010 21:38

Look after yourself Tess.I realy hope that your dsd and dh make some progress,I am very much afraid though that they will just park everything and pretend its not happening until you return,because the coping thing is so true.

They might only be 14 but behind a building on a school trip to prove a dare even shocked my 17 year old .

However its done now and whoever said that children need loving when they least deserve it is right,Tess needs support now as well though and going away and looking after yoursef for a bit has to be a good idea

MumNWLondon · 27/10/2010 21:39

"The boy doesn't know yet himself!"

But he does know he has sex more than once without using protection.

Tess have a good time away, take waterproofs as Scotland can be wet.

Each post seems to make your situation more painful, IMO you need to speak to the school because thats totally shocking.

kickassangel · 27/10/2010 21:39

i'm not shocked at 14 yr olds behaving like that - it has always happened (though we we pray it's not our 14 yr old who does it), but did the teachers have NO idea. of course, they can't be everywhere on a trip with kids that age, but 14 yr olds are hardly subtle, they talk, make obvious comments, laugh inappropriately etc.

the school is going to be more than a bit Blush when they find out.

i think dsd is going to realise over the next few days & weeks just how many repercussions there are - at some point, i assume, the dad will find out, even if she doesn't tell him, or is she hoping to miraculously give birth without anyone noticing the bump?

Georgimama · 27/10/2010 21:39

I think you're getting a little over invested, Rhinestone.

Tess's life is only going to be turned upside down if she allows it to be. Hopefully in this couple of days away she will get some head space and her husband and step daughter will do some talking about practicalities.

Original poster
GivesHeadlessHorseman · 27/10/2010 21:40

Another set of parents are about to have their world turned upside down. Sad Jeez. Though it seems she didn't actually plan to get PG necessarily, they were both just incredibly foolish, childish, and thought they were invincible.

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Tootlesmummy · 27/10/2010 21:40

Tess, I'm glad you're getting away. I think you need time to get your head together and hopefully DH can prove he is the person you want him to be.

Good luck and we're all thinking of you.

scaleymcnamechange · 27/10/2010 21:41

I say it is surprising though Georgi.

Ask the mums of 14 year old girls on Mumsnet if they would find it surprising that their daughter had sex, on a school outing, with other children witnessing, for a dare -

I expect most of them would find that surprising, even if they are not as old fashioned as me.

Original poster
GivesHeadlessHorseman · 27/10/2010 21:43

I think i would consider my life turned upside down - even if I wasn't lumped with the lion's share of the caring duties! It's just not want you want for your child, is it?

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CarGirl · 27/10/2010 21:43

I think I'm buying my girls chastity belts Sad

Georgimama · 27/10/2010 21:44

No it certainly isn't.

roseability · 27/10/2010 21:44

Expat wrote at 20.36

'she and your dh expect you to do the lion's share of the childcare, which has a strong emotional component as well as physical'

This is true. The emotional impact on the dsd will be huge I am sure. Should Tess shoulder this? Can she even if she wanted to?

It has taken many hard years for me to come to terms with the circumstances of my adoption and abandonement. The impact of my firstborn was overwhelming and I was 27 and married. I had a supportive dh, ILs, friends and counselling. This girl has a huge journey to travel Tess and you cannot be expected to provide all she needs.

Does the dsd have any other relatives? Aunts/uncles/cousins? Grandparents?

I think the father and his parents should be informed asap and be part of this process.

It does depend on the parents of course but if it was my ds, I would want to maintain contact and support/help where I could.

This is not all Tess' responsibility but it seems to me that she is being the huge rock everyone is leaning on at a cost to her own well being. Sorry if I am stating the obvious, just a bit slow catching up with the thread

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2010 21:44

I read an American book a couple of years ago which spoke of adolescents "hooking up" at parties; this doesn't mean snogging or "getting off with", it means girls dishing out blowjobs to whoever asks! I was astounded, and asked DS2 if such things happen here (he was 17 at the time).

He said yes.

:(

Not really so much further having sex for a dare, is it?

Lougle · 27/10/2010 21:45

Tess Sad

Deemented · 27/10/2010 21:47

I think Tess does need to get away from the situation for a while - however... i'm not sure what good that will do WRT the DSD and her H actually talking - won't he be at work all day whilst she's off for half term? How much communication will there be if thats the case?

And if i'm honest, i wouldn't be too keen leaving her on her own if he's at work all day - god only knows what she'd get up to!

Georgimama · 27/10/2010 21:48

Well she can hardly get pregnant again.

Zoopy · 27/10/2010 21:49

Tess...be kind to yourself whilst you are away, you deserve some TLC too.

I am a fusty old person too by the way.

annh · 27/10/2010 21:49

I have only now clicked on this thread and haven't managed to read through all of it. Tess, i'm not going to get into the business of saying whether I am shocked or not about the behaviour of a 14 year old, whether she planned it or not, whether she really knows what she is doing or not, etc. I just wanted to say that I feel so sorry for you caught in the middle of this, every solution is a potential minefield and will cause heartbreak for someone. I wish I could give you a huge hug.