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Original poster

DSD abortion thread part II

946 replies

GivesHeadlessHorseman · 26/10/2010 21:05

carry on ladies....

OP posts:
FingandJeffing · 27/10/2010 21:16

Tess well done for getting yourself a break.

Remember DD is a child (admittedly one who's is pregnant). I think she doesn't really want a baby she was mucking around with a boy. I know it's all a little unsavoury but this sort of thing is sadly not uncommon.

I hope you get your head straight and your DH talks to your DD while you are away. Hugs

PhishFoodAddiction · 27/10/2010 21:16

Oh Tess, what a bombshell for you. I don't blame you for wanting to get away for a couple of days, give yourself a bit of breathing space. I know circumtances were pretty appalling but I'm just glad that DSD hadn't been raped or had something going with an older man.

I hope that you're finding the support on here useful, and that you've got some friends in RL to turn to. You are strong, but you don't have to be strong all the time.

Thinking of you.

expatinscotland · 27/10/2010 21:17

Well done, Tess!

Please do update us if you can and feel like it, just change your name and start one like 'Following on from threads about underage pregnancy'.

I hope you reach some clarity whilst you are away and wish you much peace.

CardyMow · 27/10/2010 21:18

Well done for sorting yourself out some time away, Tess. I had a feeling it would be another very young lad. And obviously neither of them realised the implications of what they were doing, if they were doing it for a 'dare'.

I think they do need to let the parents of this boy know - but your DH and DSD need to do this, not you.

I'm very glad you are sorting yourself out some counselling. If you need any more advice or an ear to listen to you, you know you can PM me, if you no longer feel comfortable posting on the thread.

HuckingFell · 27/10/2010 21:18

tess - ask her how she would feel if she was told she was conceived as a dare behind a building on a school trip. I can't imagine it.

scaleymcnamechange · 27/10/2010 21:18

Shock at how she got pregnant!

I agree that this seems almost unbelievable Tess.

Hope you enjoy your two days away, wherever you go.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/10/2010 21:18

The only realistic way that Tess will ensure that the childcare does not get dumpted on her is if the baby and she do not live in the same house. OTherwise, she will be drawn in especially as her DH seems to think this is what should happen.

Quattrocento · 27/10/2010 21:18

Dear Tess,

I'm really glad that you are getting away for a couple of days and leaving others to cope. Well done you!

The trouble is that a lot of us on this thread are very engaged emotionally. We can imagine this happening and we empathise and tbh we just want to help. But if talking to internet sprites is giving you concerns about confidentiality, then it's not helping you.

Don't be revolted by the teenage sex thing - all teenage sex is pretty unromantic IMO (and IME)

Good luck

PS Book yourself a last minute thing and go to Morocco. Or something. Spoil yourself. G'wan

QuintessentialShadows · 27/10/2010 21:19

THis isnt getting any better for you.... Sorry to read the latest developments.

A good move to go away. Please stay with us.

TessoftheDamned · 27/10/2010 21:20

Quattro I'm sorry I didn't mean to make it sound strange or inhuman. I will come back and update you all, after all 'West Kent' is a pretty broad area so hopefully will not be recognised.

maryz · 27/10/2010 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgimama · 27/10/2010 21:20

I think the boy in question has to tell his parents, actually. DSD has faced the music - his turn.

TessoftheDamned · 27/10/2010 21:20

Will post tomorrow hopefully from somewhere far up in Scotland or something. Sadly don't have the money to go to Morocco.

rubbersoul · 27/10/2010 21:20

God, that's awful Tess Sad must have been hard for you and your husband to hear that.

Well done on getting away for a couple of days- do make sure you take care of yourself

Rhinestone · 27/10/2010 21:20

Well I'm a fusty old person too; am shocked right there with you.

All this for a dare behind a building FFS? Think you would be well within your rights to insist on abortion / adoption as DSD is clearly too immature to be a parent and we all know it WILL fall to you.

aDarkStarWithStrangeWays · 27/10/2010 21:21

Just wanted to say that I completely agree with this post of Greyskull's:

"I don't think it will hurt her at all to see that this makes you upset, or that it is causing you and her father to argue, this is the reality of the choice she has made. You will support her and once the baby is here you will all make the best of it, however, she doesn't need a sugar coated version of reality, this is going to be fucking hard for all of you, you don't have to be nicey nicey about it."

She needs to know that you are angry, justifiably so, and that anger doesn't always equal rejection.

I also totally agree with everyone who is saying that you need to take some time away just for you, to get support for you, just to be on your own/with the boys and let your H and DSD start to work things out for themselves. If he's so keen to make up for her mother's abandonment, he needs to stop abdicating his responsibilities to you, because she will see it and understand it for the abandonment it is.

Finally, I can't help thinking of that old saying, 'children need love the most when they deserve it the least'. It's clear that you are providing that love to a scared and vulnerable child at great cost to yourself, and you should feel very proud of that. But do make sure you give yourself a break, you can't do this all yourself.

QuintessentialShadows · 27/10/2010 21:22

What Rhinestone said.....

Georgimama · 27/10/2010 21:23

I'm a bit Hmm at the mass indignation (not yours Tess, I can understand you being appalled) about the mechanism of conception: this is a pair of 14 year olds we're talking about. DSD had no known boyfriend - what did you all expect to have happened?

electra · 27/10/2010 21:25

'I'm pointing out that the trouble with being a natural-born coper, is that it facilitates generally useless behaviour from those around you, who might otherwise have to do a bit more coping themselves.'

I agree, absolutely Quattro.

Tess Sad gosh hearing that must have been an awful shock for you. I think you are doing absolutely the right thing in taking some time out for yourself and letting your husband sort this for a few days - when you get back you may well find that he has found a stronger position because he's had to. And it's a great idea to get counseling.

FingandJeffing · 27/10/2010 21:26

Agreed Georgimama, they were hardly going to be on a romantic break in Paris, at 14!

This sort of thing I'm afraid has always gone on. Still it must hurt like hell when it's your daughter.

aDarkStarWithStrangeWays · 27/10/2010 21:27

Sorry, massive x-post there. Glad to see you're getting away. Take care :)

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 27/10/2010 21:28

Georgimama Wed 27-Oct-10 21:20:10 "I think the boy in question has to tell his parents, actually. DSD has faced the music - his turn."

The boy doesn't know yet himself!

abr1de · 27/10/2010 21:29

Have a good break, Tess. Please find a way of keeping us in the loop, even if you name change.

Thinking of you.

Georgimama · 27/10/2010 21:29

Someone better tell him then. That someone had better be the daughter.

ChaoticAngel · 27/10/2010 21:30

Tess, I just want to say you're doing the right thing. I hope that the counselling goes well and things work out for you.