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Original poster

DSD abortion thread part II

946 replies

GivesHeadlessHorseman · 26/10/2010 21:05

carry on ladies....

OP posts:
msrisotto · 27/10/2010 17:39

Hi Tess, sorry for what you are going through but i wanted to contribute to add to those saying that the pattern is already starting - you're the one taking responsibility already. You need to think about how to direct this whilst taking a step back and making clear that you will always be hands off.

Discowife · 27/10/2010 17:39

diabhal if she has seen a 16 week scan it will look like a baby to her. I doubt she will even consider abortion at this point if she didn't want one before.

Discowife · 27/10/2010 17:39

Also the OP has said she wouldn't push it at this stage either

RipMacWinkle · 27/10/2010 17:40

Tess, I just wanted to add my voice saying how strong you seem and how well you're doing. You must feel like this is all a dream you'll wake up from soon.

You certainly have touched a nerve here on MN. I guess it's the feeling that this is something that could happen to any parent.

foreverastudent · 27/10/2010 17:40

Given the level of deceit so far I wouldn't be too sure about believing DSD about what she says the sonographer said. As someone who knew my Mum would be mightly pissed off at me getting pg I deliberatly left it too late for an abortion before telling her. DSD could well have known these details about abortion before she even got pg and thus deliberatly concealed it from the outset.

I feel quite sorry for DSD. She is desperate for something to love and has gone to extreme lengths to get it. Someone has to be in a terrible psychological state to sacrifice their youth/life/health and freedom just to get/receive love from a baby.

BarnacleBill · 27/10/2010 17:41

I had a termination at 16 weeks.

My experience - that of being given GA and coming round soon after with no ill effects other than feeling a bit emotional - was exactly the same as my friend who had a termination at 10 weeks.

GiddyPickle · 27/10/2010 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarnacleBill · 27/10/2010 17:43

Sorry - my last post looks rather random, was replying to Elactra's post saying that she was told she'd have to give birth if terminating at 16 weeks.

TessoftheDamned · 27/10/2010 17:43

Just come out of her room spitting mad, she knew how far along she was, she admitted that she had already googled 'abortions after 3 months' and sonographer confirmed it for her. Angry

This is bringing a new level of anger into the equation which is probably not good, but she KNEW what she was doing and she KNEW how far along she was and didn't tell us.

GreenStinkingStumpSleeves · 27/10/2010 17:44

poor girl Sad

it must have been a horrendous experience for her - but surely they HAD to tell her the facts, really. How else can she make an informed decision?

Did she say the sonographer was hostile or nasty to her? Or is it the facts that have upset her?

I had a sonographer upset me badly one, I was bleeding at 10 weeks and was called in for an early scan. I was so relieved at seeing/hearing everything was OK, I asked for a scan picture, and the bitch said "Don't tempt fate - I would go home and pray if I were you"

but if you weren't in the room, you can't know whether there was any cruel intent or whether it is just the enormity of the situation and the brutality of the facts that has upset DSD

izzywizzywoowooo · 27/10/2010 17:45

Oh tess, Has she said why she did not tell you the truth about how far along she is?

msrisotto · 27/10/2010 17:45

Ok, so she's not the naive kid anymore. I guess she has to step up to the responsibility plate and sort how this is going to work out....

notsoacademicallytormented · 27/10/2010 17:45

Also everyone keeps saying she has known for ages and kept it to herself. I can genuinely say (with no agenda as I'm on an anonymous forum) that I HAD NO IDEA I was pregnant until a similar point in pregnancy, and I was 18. I hadn't ever had regular periods, wasn't unusual to miss 2 or even 3 in a row, some were very light, others quite heavy. There was no pattern. This girl is 14, averagely speaking she's probably only been menstruating for a year or two, and it can take easily that long for them to be regular. She might have has a couple of very light, or 'funny' periods. She really might have had NO IDEA until quite recently. I know I realised it had been 3.5months since my last period, took a test within 3 days and told my parents 6 days later.

Its possible she's known for 15.4 weeks but equally possible she's only known a week or two.

MrsGhoulOfGhostbourne · 27/10/2010 17:45

Tess, have been lurking, no advice to offer, but you have remained so clearsighted and calm in a terrible situation - DSD is immensely lucky to have you as a Step mum and you can be sure she will appreciate how you are helping her through this and it will brign youe ven closer in the long term. You have been landed with this thru no fault of your own, but one positive thing, as an ex-army person said to me, who had witnessed awful things - yes, its a dificult, life-changing situation -but no-one died, no-one was maimed - life will go on and its one of those things that gets thrown at you from nowhere but you will live though it.
Sending you hugs

diddl · 27/10/2010 17:45

Sorry to say that I´m not surprised, Tess

She has planned this, hasn´t she.

So, not as immature as everyone thinks imo.

mathanxiety · 27/10/2010 17:45

I had gestational diabetes during my last pregnancy and out of terror of having to inject insulin I complied with the dietary instructions I was given, to the letter, for months. And I had given birth, and had mcs, and had unrelated abdominal surgery, all involving needles of various kinds. I can see the DSD not wanting the amnio needle.

BarnacleBill · 27/10/2010 17:45

Bloody hell, Tess. Don't know what to say that's helpful cos I'd be furious.

izzywizzywoowooo · 27/10/2010 17:45

O/T GSSS, That is awful, WTF kind of Sonographer says that?!

notsoacademicallytormented · 27/10/2010 17:46

sorry Tess, cross posts :(

SoloBlackWidowSpidersWebSite · 27/10/2010 17:46

I don't believe that 14yo's think of pregnancy as sacrificing their youth/life/health and freedom foreverastudent. I really doubt that most of them think of it as anything more than 'having a baby'.

CarGirl · 27/10/2010 17:46

I guess your DSD needs to wake up and smell the roses a bit.

I'm beginging to think a mother & baby unit and then you offering support and nurture as any parents & grandparents would is the best course of action.

AngrySad

TessoftheDamned · 27/10/2010 17:46

izzy I didn't give her the chance, to be honest. Had a 5-minute conversation and I got extremely angry and had to come back in my room. Don't want to speak to her until I've sorted myself out. Yes it seems stupid to come on here and vent about it but it helps, I think even just the act of typing out the words calms me down.

I'm going to ring a couple of friends tonight and try to get some extra RL support.

BitOfFunderthepatio · 27/10/2010 17:47

You need to let her know just how fucking unacceptable her behaviour thus far has been, Tess- don't shield her from it Angry

msrisotto · 27/10/2010 17:47

Has it been suggested to her? (The mother and baby unit?) Is that what she actually wants out of all this? It could be part of her plan?

MadBanners · 27/10/2010 17:47

Not the place of the sonographer to go into that much detail. They would not be the ones signing the consent or carrying out the procedure, so this has nothing to do with informed consent. I would highly doubt that the sonographer has witnessed any procedure of this kind.

Tess, you are handling this very well.

Things are still raw right now. Your dh needs to start "being ready" even if he is not, he needs to put on a damn good act of it for the sake of his wife and daughter.